Is it just that simple?

To be happy or not to be happy? Is it just that simple?

I find myself in a funk lately. Very much like walking around with clouds surrounding me and rain falling on my head, hairspray getting into my eyes, my make-up running, my clothes drenched and cold, feet squishing, then I slip on the floor and yell at it, really REALLY loud... because it is all the floor's fault!!!! Who put the floor under my feet, when they knew my feet would be squishy, and I wouldn't be able to see because my make-up was running and hair spray was stinging my eyes thanks to all this rain!!!!

Now I know there are songs out there that joyously sing the praises of dancing in the rain... happy happy joy joy... so is it a conscious decision? I know I can't control the rain, or at least parts of the rain I cannot control. But can I control how I choose to view the rain? Is it that simple?

Is that healthy? Is it okay to just change my mind and decide that I want to be happy and dance in the rain vs. yell at the floor and anyone who dare near me? I don't think it is healthy to pretend I am not sad or angry, cause I am. Do I think I need to figure out what is making me sad or angry, yes. But when you find out the answer, you can't necessarily control the rain.

Oh I am bored with myself..... just go to the tool bar and click next blog....maybe they will be more interesting.....

No....

f&%k, s*&^%, son-of-a-b*^%4, mother f*^%ing, a&%$#le,....

Whoa, whoa, whoa....
What?!?!

What's the problem?
I'm mad, that's the problem... I'm mad at YOU!

No you're not
YES I AM!

You're mad... but not at me.
Well I'm mad.

You didn't want this job.
Yes I did.

No you didn't, you wanted a job.
Same difference!

No... big difference.
Look... I'm mad, I'm sad, I wanted this to be easier, thought this would go differently than this....

You are not mad, your are disappointed, and I understand, but I said my plan, my time.
I know but I'm not real good at this.

I know you are not, that is part of the lesson.


So I didn't get the job. And I knew I wasn't going to, I had a dream that clearly told me, "we went with someone else". The associate principal was very polite and complimentary on the phone, "You interviewd great, and if I hear of any openings inthe district, I am definitely going to forward your information....blah blah blah..." Now, I cannot blame them. They are green, barely open for a year, and they want someone with experience - high school teaching experience - not necessarily theatre experience.

Ahhhh... pissy pants....

1st Field Trip

My baby, my first born, my angel-love boobulah, Max, is going on his first big boy field trip as I type. He is getting on a big boy bus without mommy and daddy and going to Chuck E Cheese's for lunch.

When I realized that he was old enough for his class to be included on the field trips, I was talking to the ladies at the front desk and told them he may not be able to handle the excitement. He may have a heart attack the first time he gets on that big bus. He has wanted to get on that bus since he could speak. Everytime we passed it on our way into school, I would tell him that when he was a big boy it would be his turn to ride that big boy bus. Well, that day has come.

He kept coming into my bathroom this morning, "Mommy, hurry... you have to get ready faster.... my friends are waiting for me...HURRY!!!" Now let me tell you, this little morsel of information is summer's version of calling Santa to skip our house at Christmas. Any mis-step or whine or cry is quickly corrected with a "Do I have to tell your teachers you can't go on the field trip?"

.... they grow up so fast.......

The BIG SPLASH

So we were evicted from my mother's over the weekend. My sister moved into her place since she sold her house and her new construction house won't be finished until August/September. Our house is far from complete, but it is liveable. Perhaps living in the chaos will help to motivate us to finish the last projects we have to do.

I got to take a bath this weekend. It is the first "bath" I have had in close to 10 years. I have not had the luxury of a bath tub for waaaaaaaay too long. I used to live for my bubble baths with candles, wine and music, but my living arrangements over the past few years has not been able to accomodate "me time" in water so hot I am beet red for an hour after getting out. As I laid in the bath on Saturday night, I actually felt myself coming back. I was able to open my mind and relax and enjoy the moment completely...it was GREAT!!!

Our biggest headache....the pool. Ya know.... it's sounds great. It always sounds ideal to have your very own pool in your very own back yard, but let me tell you, it can be a nightmare. After several pool guys, a polaris, new filters, and a losing fight with the home warranty people, we finally were able to enjoy our pool this weekend:






I have to say...it was AWESOME!! It felt like we were on vacation. It was great to be able to play in the pool after working so hard in yard all day. It was so much fun to have my children's complete and full attention. It was amazing to watch my husband turn into a child himself and play with his kids. It made all the heartache worth it. The worst part was the absolute meltdown when it was time to get out. The boys were so exhausted that the tears could not stop. We stripped off the wet bathing suits, showered them and got them into their night clothes without one stop to the crying. My angels at their dinner and completely zoned out from exhaustion.

So much more to do, but I am going to enjoy these hot days and nights in my pool, so for those of you close enough to enjoy it with us, close your eyes as you walk through the main part of the house that is in shambles, and I promise you will forgive us as soon as you get to the back yard and I pour your margarita.