I, TOO, am training to be a superhero....

It was a foggy morning in metropolis. I was on my way to my undercover day job behind the desk. My super sensitive mommy radar detected a disturbance in the force as I was driving, and just ahead of me I noticed 4 beautiful dogs all attached to one walking leash running madly on the sidewalk, a cocker spaniel, a lab-like puppy, a beagle, and a chiuaua - all the same auburn and white coloring. I followed them slowly and looked around to see if there was an owner chasing from behind out of breath. I was hoping this would be an easy "save the day", but as a superhero, you gotta do what you gotta do.

At one point they realized I was tracking them and they reversed direction. I, too reversed direction, not bothering to use my radar to detect if anyone was behind me which they were. They managed to use their superhero honker horn to alert me of this potential fatal error. Luckily chaos was averted - and potential bumper damage. My new honker honker horn superhero friend stopped and offered aid in my quest. We grabbed the leash and while I translated care and concern through "Das a gud puppa.... good puppas..... gooooooooodd puuuhhhhhpaaaaaaahhhhhhs!!" she grabbed her cell phone and started calling the several numbers on the tags.

No answers anywhere.... dagnabbit..... foiled.... what to do?!?!? what to do?!?!?

We get a phone call back. "Ray" is supposed to be watching all the dogs. "Ray" lives near where we are. "Ray" is an elderly diabetic.

Okay... now there may be a bigger story here than just a puppy rescue. There is a potential sick man somewhere around here who could have collapsed while walking his dogs. We find out where this man lives. I call my office and have them direct me to his house. We will start there and try to figure out how the puppies got from there to where we found them.

Luckily, we did not have to. As we approach his house, we see him in his pajamas and a coat looking for the dogs, just in the opposite direction of where they went. He thanked us over and over and over again.......no problem sir... all in a days work....

Now I smell like wet puppy.....

I know you are here......

Oh L-a-u-r-e-n.........

I know you are here.....
I see you in the blogosphere....

You are hiding from me.........

Thank you, Pantene

I would like to thank Pantene for ruining one of the greatest "fight for life - don't give up" type theme songs.... I used to listen to Unwritten and sing at the top of my lungs with hope and enthusiasm.... now I just think about how much shampoo I have in my shower and start a mental list for Walmart.

Last night at our house.....

Last night was a night where everyone was in their own room doing their own thing kind of nights. I was in my bedroom watching television. Max wanders in and heads into the bathroom. He takes care of his business and the next thing you know he has gotten undressed and turned the shower on and gotten in. I am not exactly clear if daddy has sent him in to do this (which happens a lot) or if he has chosen to do this on his own. What is remarkable this time is that he was in his own little world the entire time. He did not even acknowledge my existance or request my assistance.

It happened to be at a crucial part of my TV show so I let him stand in the shower for a bit, and then I thought...he can do this himself. So I grab the towel off the rack and open the shower door:

Me: Buddy, you think you could take care of all of this by yourself tonight?
Max: (looks at me with this empty stunned expression)...uhm.. well... I can't wash my back....
Me: Okay, how about I wash your back, but can you take care of the rest?
Max: Uhm, ... yeah... Yes, YES I CAN!

So I leave him and go back to my TV show. The next thing you know, he has showered, dried himself off, put his PJs on, brushed his teeth and COMBED HIS HAIR!!! He then walks in front of me and presents himself with arms wide open in a "TA DA!"

Mommy: Max ... I am so proud of you!! That was a very big boy thing of you to do and I want to thank you for doing it so well!!
Max: Uhm, mommy... now that I am a big boy and can do it all by myself... can I take a shower by myself in my own shower upstairs?
Mommy: Yes, angel... this weekend when we go to the store, you can pick out the soap and shampoo for your shower.

He grins from ear to ear and high tails it out of the room - 10 feet taller and off to tell daddy all about it!

Did I mention Ben is training to be a Superhero?

Ahhhhh... let us back up a little then.....

Well, we have discussed previously that Ben has no fear... well he is scared of the dark, but that is different.... he has no fear in his physical limitations. He pretty much throws himself down slides, climbs the highest peaks and jumps off of them.... yadda yadda .....

The other night he was jumping on our bed. It was more like flinging himself onto the pillows he had stacked in the middle. The "good mother" part of me started to stop him because we do not jump on beds, but then I realized what he was doing. He wasn't just jumping up and down, he wasn't just falling forward, he was flinging his feet behind him, reaching his arms in front of him, pausing in the air and allowing gravity to bring him down. He did this a few times in rapid succession, and I got Mike's attention who was showering Max. I gave big eyes to Mike, like, LOOK AT WHAT OUR CHILD IS DOING!!!! He then comes closer and Ben realizes we are watching him. He doesn't stop, he proceeds to tell me exactly what he is doing " You see mommy..(pant pant pant), I haff to keek my feet like dis...(pant, jump)... and then I go down!

Okay... my child is trying to fly......

Today, he is getting out of the car. Normally he gets out of his chair and either jumps to the ground or sits down and wiggles out of the car. Today, he gives me his evil flirty eyes and the next thing he does is place both hands on the top of the door and flings the door further open with his force, dangles from the door for a moment then releases his grip and falls the floor.

Apparently this is practice for when he is dangling off the side of a building while saving the day.

I think I need to get this child into gymnastics classes.

I DID ask....

Let me preface this with, I DID ask if he was okay and if I needed to call 9-11 BEFORE laughing.......

So this morning I hear...BOOM BADDA BOOM BANG CRASH....coming down the stairs. I run from the bedroom out towards to the noise. Max RUNS into me like a chicken with his head cut off, "DADDY FELL ... AND HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS AND AND AND AND AND HE BROKE THE WALL!!!!""

Okay, okay.... I come around the corner to see Mike lying on the floor, and yes, his foot was still in the wall.

Apparently he was carrying Max down the stairs and slipped about 1/3 of the way from the ground floor. I desperately try to wipe the smirk off my face and look concerned and ask about his condition while trying to help him up. I get him to a seated position and remove his foot from the wall. Max is still running around, so I ask Mike if he fell on Max - and he said - uhm, no.... I was carrying him in the front so he pretty much just surfed down the stairs on me!

Ben - quiet as a mouse slides his way down the wall to look at the hole..."Daddy, why you break da wall whif yur fut?"

Seriously, Universe?!?!?!?

There is nothing like a practical joke from God to kick start your morning.....

So I am running late this morning because I was packing for a weekend trip we will be taking. I get everything organized and we are off to school and work. I have to run a few errands prior to heading to work, like oil change, inspection done, get car washed, gas up, yadda yadda yadda....

I am BLOCKS from the place where I get my oil changed and inspection done and what do I see in my rear view mirror?!?!? Flashing lights! WTF?!?!?! I am NOT speeding! I am the queen of school zones and purposely slow down even more to slow the bastards that try to speed through zones... I KNOW he is not coming after ME!!!!!

Is there a problem officer?
Yes, ma'm.. you have an expired inspection sticker.
(are you serious?!?!?) Officer... I promise you I am heading to the corner of (X) and (Y) to the Kwik oil change place... we are heading out of town and I am going RIGHT NOW to take care of this...(panic look to the backseat at the kids) We are going on a trip, right guys?!?!
Max: Yes, sir, we are going to see Grandma and Grandpa Tula.....
Officer, I would not have my 5 yr old and 3 yr old lie about this.
Yes, Ma'm.... let me see your license and proof of insurance.
(CRAP CRAP CRAP...WHY IS HE GIVING ME A TICKET FOR THIS?!?!?!?!?)

He is gone, what seems like forever, and the next thing you know his partner is getting out of the car and walking around my car. Seriously, WTF?!?!? I see her glance towards the registration and nod to the officer in approval and she heads back to the car. He comes up and gives me a warning.

Thank you, sir.... thank you, thank you, thank you.....you can follow me right now if you want...
That won't be necessary, ma'm.