That's quite enough!

I am so sorry, blogosphere. Did not mean to have an emotional hissy fit here last week and then not return once I got my happy face back on. As I was telling a friend today, all the angst pretty much left the moment I pressed "Publish Post". I do believe there is great therapy when you throw it all out there, make it permenant in words, and release it to the the angels to carry it away into your past.

Let's just chalk last weeks temper tantrum up to nerves. I have decided to go back to school to get my alternate certification to teach theatre in high school. I am not really sure what the hell I am doing, but I know that is what I am being called to do. It is going to be a huge transition and it is going to rock me out of a comfort zone I have snuggled into for many years, but its time, and the only way out of it is through it. I have to do the work in order to reap the benefits, and so I am jumping in with both feet and praying for a lot of guidance and strength to make it through all the changes.

I hate the feeling of staring at a blank canvas, knowing I chose the canvas and the paints before me and then panicking at the thought of messing up the canvas. I put so much pressure on the the first stroke, the first decision, the first movement, that I become paralyzed. It's too big, it's too overwhelming, and the possibility of error and failure loom like a black cloud around me. And then Jiminey Cricket jumps on my shoulder and reminds me that I just have to try, I just have to take one small step at a time and leave myself open to change. GO WITH THE FLOW....

But what if the flow is wrong?
....GO WITH THE FLOW....
But what if I make a mistake?
....GO WITH THE FLOW....
How am I going to do this or that?
....GO WITH THE FLOW....

So that's what I am doing, I am going with the flow and trusting the current rather than fighting it. When I come across some some choppy waters that make me unconfortable, I trust the flow rather than fight it. Don't get me wrong, I am educating myself on how to paddle and what I am expected to do in the boat and seeking counsel from guides who have done this before, but I am trying to be open to the experience and enjoy the ride.