I am pissed.....

I am pissed to the point of tears.
I am angry because I am internally humiliated.
I am upset because something that may seem so small and trivial to someone else can literlly cause an avalanche of reactions in my little insignficant world.

An eye doctor's appointment. A harmless eye fucking doctor's appointment. If it was not for the fact that I HAVE to get new contacts becasue the disposable ones that are in my eyes are so blurry I have headaches and easily 3 months old. I would just get contacts, but I am not allowed to per the government, I have to have an appointment.
I know that even 10 off of our budget can cause hundreds in overdraft protection fees, so I call ahead to my insurance company - WHAT DO YOU COVER....WHO IS IN NETWORK.... I call the in network provider who happens to be someone I went to years ago and my mother and sister have gone to for years....MY INSURANCE SAYS YOU ARE IN-NETWORK, ARE YOU?....yes..... DO YOU FILE OR DO I HAVE TO FILE?....we will file.... SO ALL THAT WILL BE COLLECTED IS MY CO-PAYS?.....yes.....

Get to the appointment...happy happy happy.... how's mom? how's sis? yadda yadda what's the problem? here's the solution.... we will put you in these.... same cost as what you were in before.... try these on....take all of these.....

That will be $284.00 if you order a years worth today......
What...(studder) uhm, well... let me just try these and then I will call.....
Oh... those are not samples.. those are the first of the order.....
Oh, uhm, well..... okay.....
But you can return them if you don't like them and want to try something else...
Oh, great ...okay.... (damnit Becky say something, you fucking idiot, tell them to take their damn contacts and shove it)...can I just pay for the exam right now?
SURE!... That's $58.00.....
$58.00... wait... I only have a $15 copay.....
Yes ma'm but that doesn't cover the $43.00 contact lense fitting fee.....
(coldly looking down at the counter because I am embarrassed that the entire store and all the associates can hear me stammering about money) I would have appreciated to have known this BEFORE now.....
Oh, I am sorry... I can take it out of the $150 allowance you are given for your contacts....
No....

At this point I want to start crying because I am so pissed but I am so exposed in an environment surrounded by people who cannot understand how $43.00 absolutely ruins me... how I feel like I have been had but I have lost my voice because I don't want to make a scene and I don't want to make it uncomfortable for my mother and sister who have gone there for over 10 yrs.

I walk out the door and I am so upset I can't hink clearly. I am panicking thinking where am I going to come up with $200.00. It takes me an hour to calm down to start thinking - call the office manager, make a complaint, return the contacts, get your prescription (which by the way I was not given) and go somewhere else.