He looks good

So my husband has not been feeling well for awhile, way over a month, I would say. It kind of escalated to a point where we couldn't ignore it anymore and we took him to the MD yesterday. I had made the appointment last week, hoping that the situation would correct itself in time to cancel the appointment, but no such luck.

The doctor was wonderful. He was so comfortable that we might as well have been talking over beers and trouble shooting the cares of the world. He was definitely attentive and staight forward, but his bedside manner was phenomenal. I have to say it is a rare thing in the medical industry to find a doctor who can comfort and care at the same time. So many times, the requirement to care for the patient requires the physician to remove themselves from the situation so much so that the patient is merely a collection of blood, tissue, and bones,and all they care about is how they connect and why they are not connecting properly this time. But not this doctor, so I am pleased, but I am digressing, so back to the point.

The appointment went as I thought it would: nice to meet you, what's been going on, let's schedule some tests. What I did not expect was to have my husband get off the scale and tell me he has lost over 20 lbs in 2 months with no dietary changes. I knew he had lost weight, but that amount was shocking to me. Mike thought my restricting his diet last week really worked, until I explained to him that weight loss like that is only normal for people who are trying to lose weight like that, not normal people who ate soup and waffles for 4 days!

I went to dinner with my friend, Allison, after the appointment, and she asked me how it was that I was so calm about this. Then this morning as I was talking to my mom, I asked her the same question, why am I so calm about this? Should I not be? And I realized that there is a great deal of shut down and denial right now. I have known there was a problem for years, but it has always managed to correct itself. I knew that eventually we would probably walk down this road, and "eventually" has arrived. Mike's familial history does not lend itself to marathons and granola trails, so I guess I am surprised a wake up call hasn't come sooner than this.

For the first time in a very long time, I am not sure if what I am feeling is a peace about the situation, or a chosen lock to a pandora's box that I am not prepared to open.