Monday, September 17, 2007

Attack of the Alpha Mom

So as I am entering daycare today, I see a woman asking the girl at the front when a good time to contact the director would be.... after some face twisting in "I have no clue what time is better than another" the exhasperated mother sighs and says, "Oh never mind, I am going to leave my number and please have her call me....."

I take the kids to their rooms, kisses goodbye and I am off to start my day.

In the parking lot, I see the woman starting to back up, stop her car, return to her parking space and say:

"Excuse me!!!!" as she is exiting her car...."You are Max's mom, right?"

(Goodness gracious, how do these parents know my kid and that I belong to them... I need to be more attentive!)

"Listen... I just want to get your opinion on something... what is your feeling on the homework issue?"

"Uhm, well... I can't say that I am happy with 5 sheets a night, because sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, but generally, if he didn't complete his work or if there is something he needs extra assistance with, well I am okay with it."

"Well, my son is in the class below Max and they JUST informed me that they are doing away with homework, AND I AM NOT OKAY WITH THAT!"

(wait... the class beneath Max? That means he is 3 turning 4)

"I mean at this age the children are sponges and they need to be taught the discipline so that they are used to it.. I am just not okay with this and I have asked the director to call me...I am NOT happy...."

( Oh my... you have your child on some pre-qualifying list for Harvard, don't you?)

"I hear what you are saying, I mean... I know I could go get some workbooks to work with him alone at home (sarcastic jab of, if you want your kids to be an overachiever at 3, get your own worksheets), but I guess it is nice to have them send home the same type of sheets that they are working with in class so there is a universal language ( subtle clean up for previous sarcastic jab)"

"Well, I just wanted to see what your opinion is" (which I heard to say, " I am looking for people to camp out on my side of the protest before I speak with the director.")

"No problem!" (which was delivered to be heard as "Sorry, Lady, you are barking up the wrong tree!")

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Adventures in Potty Training: Day One

My sweet angel Benjamin.... it is time... this is the last 3 day weekend opportunity we are going to have for a while, so Daddy and I decided, we are tired of buying pull up diapers..... (see previous budget meltdown)...... this weekend, it is all about pee pee and poo poo in the potty.

It starts early in the week, casual conversation around the dinner table, "Ben is getting to be such a big boy, don't you think, Daddy?... Hey Max, would you be willing to help us teach Ben how to pee pee in the potty like a big boy just like you?" Max has decided he is the trainer, I am the underwear changer, and daddy will be the accident cleaner...(God, I love that child!)... but I digress.... the seeds are being planted, Ben lights up because he is the center of attention.

The casual conversation continues in the car to and from school,
Me: "So.... big weekend, huh?"
Max: "Yep, big weekend, pee pee in the potty like me..."
Ben: "I pee pee in the pahhhty!"

Friday night, we go to dinner with family and the conversation surrounds Ben, "Ben, I hear you are gonna pee pee in the potty this weekend!" says Aunt Karen, followed by my announcement, "Yep, after this we are going to the store to pick out our big boy underwear!" Ben can hardly contain himself with all the excitement, so he honors us with a PRE "pee pee in potty" party present of going pee pee in the restroom at the resturaunt.... he requested 4 trips the the bathroom to accomplish this feat, but it happened!

We head to Walmart to pick our new big boy underwear and choose Thomas the Train, Spiderman, and Diego (and mommy grabbed a basic white value pack as our back up). He is so excited he pulls them off the shelf himself and one by one puts them into the cart.

9:30 - This morning we wake up (luxuriously late, so, thank you boys) and it is time to get dressed. He bolts to the kitchen where his underwear is still in the bag and we begin to pull out all the underwear and look at them to decide which is going to be the glorious winner to grace my sweet baby bears little toosh for the very first time. It was a tough call between Thomas and Spiderman, but with the urging of his brother, Ben chose Spiderman. Of course mommy gets pictures because there is nothing more adorable than a 2 1/2 yr old in tighty whities with cartoon characters.

9:38 - we decide our brother pushed us a little too hard and we REALLY wanted to start this journey with Thomas the train... it is our middle name after all!

9:45 - we discover the first pit falls of big boy underwear as we try to flash gordon our heiney bump down the stairs. About 4 stairs into our bump, bump, bump down we realize.... hey...wait.... there is no cushion here.... we delicatly rub our toosh, and decide to stand and walk down the stairs.

10:00 - no pee pee

10:30 - no pee pee

11:00 - no pee pee

11:15 - jumping on the trampoline, we have our first accident - THAT'S OKAY....good try, let's get some clean clothes on... next time....

11:45 - standing right in front of me, no warning, puddles..... Boo Boo, you gotta pee pee in the potty.. just tell me and we will hurry!

12:30 - no pee pee

1:00 - WHAM...... upstairs door slams.....Oh crap..he is taking a CRAP! I know that I gotta hide in a room by myself to poop trick.... RUN upstairs to find him in the corner, hands over his eyes, deed done. Oh pumpkin, it's okay, this is hard, and we are going to learn, but you gotta tell mommy and dadddy, you don't want this yucky stuff on you, let's put it in the potty.

1:00-4:30 nothing.....nothing but a desperate child who desperately wants some of the m&m's that are sitting on the window ledge mocking him..."Candy, pleeeeeeze, mommy!!!" .... "No baby, you gotta get that pee pee in the potty!"

5:00 - Mommy... I gotta potty.....
Hurry... hurry..let's go....
Sitting on the potty, hand cupping his ear to make sure he can hear it... tinkle, tinkle, tinkle into the water!!!!

7:00 - Hold onto your shorts, folks..... I come around the corner to a freaked child with no pants on pointing to the alien things in the potty and questioningly announcing, "Mommy, I poop in the potty?!?!?" I come to the potty and what do I see.....POO POO IN THE POTTY!!!!!!!! Two glorious perfect little poops in the potty!! I SCREAM in excitement and realize I have scared the bejezuz out of my child who is standing there not understanding what the hell just came out of his heiney or, if in fact, something just crawled up the toilet while he was sitting on it! I calm myself but still remain very enthusiastic, smiling, hugging, and high-fiving the newest big boy in the house!
What does he ask as a reward for this achievement?
Guess who is ringing our door bell right now.......

8:00 ah crap (changing pee pee pants) it's only the first day..... baby steps, baby steps... no let be rephrase that... big boy steps, big boy steps.....