Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Week 37 check up

All is still good...
We are still on track for Dec. 8th...
Blood work slightly elevated so she did again..this would be the only factor for her calling me in early for c-section...
Home: pretty much ready...
Christmas up and sparkiling...
Bassinet arrived from Karen's today...
Back room not ready , but have resigned myself to 3 out of 4 requests from my husband is good enough... (Floors: check... Max's Big boy room: check...Christmas...Check)
Probably could do 1-2 more loads of laundry....
Will need to do a quick clean sweep over weekend, but honestly feel like we are ready and I can relax...

Monday, November 29, 2004

Thanksgiving memories

So Thursday morning I decide it is time for Max to be introduced to one of mommy's favorite holiday past times.... Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. And just to prove that I did have some little part in the genetic make up of my husband's clone... he loved it... danced with the music and ooh'd and awe'd over the balloons. In my haste I told him that one day mommy and Daddy would take him there to see it in person...
I say that I spoke in haste because my 1st and only experience of actually seeing the parade in person was well.... aweful!!!
Mama Beck was having her 1st Thanksgiving away from home. I was determined to make this the coolest Thanksgiving ever! Allison and Todd had just moved to New York in April.. Kyle and I in September.. and Tiff was up visiting from Virginia. I am up way too late the night before preparing the stuffing, blah blah blah... I then wake up way too early to stuff the turkey and wake up Kyle and Tiff so we can make the trek into the city to see our 1st Macy's parade. We (in Queens) had made plans to meet Todd & Al (in Brooklyn) some where on the upper West side. So we throw on sweats and lots of warming attire (it was damn cold). Kyle and Tiff are not nearly as excited about being up this early in the cold and wet as I am... but in Mama Beck style I convince them this would be a day we would never forget!!
We change trains to start heading up town when all of a sudden Tiff says..."Isn't that Al?" This is a crazy never gonna happen again New York moment... not only are we on the same train of the hundreds running that day, but we are in the same car (of the thousands to chose from). Allison hears Tiff and looks up with tears in her eyes and Todd several benches away from her... WARNING!! My dearest friends had been playing host to Todd's parent's all week... to give you an idea of what house guests in New York is like.. imagine the smallest walk in closet in your home.. stuff everything you own into it, then stuff a couple of large suitcases and unfold your couch into a queen size bed.... shove it up 5 flights of steep stairs that has no elevator and "Viola" you have Todd & Al's Brooklyn apartment with guests. Now it s not the guests fault... Todd's parent's are wonderful!! But you can only take so much wonderful when the radiator is blowing off hot air constantly!
So... Todd & Al are in a fight.... Kyle and Tiff are cold and grumpy.. I am determined this is still the right thing to do!
We get off the subway and start heading towards to Central Park... no... we turn around and then start heading towards Central Park. We finally catch up with all the crowds and start to wait for our turn to see the giant balloons and holiday floats with pseudo stars that just got cast in their 1st big break on NBC. We still have quite a while to wait... and it is getting colder... and wetter.. and colder thanks to the brisk uptown wind that is gonna be bringing those damn balloons. The crowds are getting bigger... people think that just because they have small children they can inch their way to the front and then I see Kyle looking up in anger at a window. There is a spoiled little brat in her cozy PJ's on the third floor of her million dollar Central Park West Apt with floor to ceiling windows mocking us.. literally sticking her tongue out and mocking us... At this point I am sure that Kyle is going to use Tiff, who now looks like a little slovac orphan we picked up on the streets because her clothes are so wet they are touching the ground, as a weapon to hurl at the little girl 3 floors up!
My team is quickly giving up on me... but we have waited so long!! We are too close!! And then the clowns show up.. followed by a clown balloon that is basically kissing the street because the wind is so strong, the handlers have to keep the balloons very low to the ground... I give up.... I am defeated... I am too wet and too cold to care...
We stop at a little cafe, I take off my gloves and my hands are black...the dye from my leather gloves have stained my hands black!
On the subway ride home the floors are so wet, that when the train makes a sudden stop, I go sliding down the car until some random stranger (not my friends, mind you) stands up and catches me!
The train slowly empty's until Kyle, Tiff, and I all have seats.. the next thing you know Kyle is screaming, "GIRLS!!" because we had all fallen asleep and the doors to our stop were closing... we crammed out.. stopped at the store for some lava soap to get the dye out of my hands so that I can make dinner...
Dinner was great... short of Tiff's ex-boyfriend having no clue when to leave, not that we were done... we were done with him...slow chap!
So maybe it wasn't Mama Beck's finest thanksgiving, but it sure was one of the most memorable!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Hearing Voices

Yes... I am hearing voices.

I do not think that I am going crazy because I am perfectly aware that what I am hearing is crazy and impossible. Last night I woke up 4 times clealry hearing a man's voice speaking in my ear. Not just voices in your head... like random thoughts or comments, but in my ear like a bug flying around. I am dreaming along when totally unrelated I am jarred awake by a random comment unrelated to the dream.
I do not remember the 1st comment.
The second comment was "Did you remember to make the car payment?" We don't have any car payments.
The third was " I want my mommy" I started to get up thinking Mike rescued Max and he needed mommy to hold him, but by the time I was standing I see Mike sleeping soundly next to me.. now I am getting irritated. I tell Mike what has happened all night long.
The fourth was my name being yelled at me to get up.."BECKY!" I get up put my glasses on walk into the living room where Mike is getting ready for work. I assume he is running late and needs my help to get going.
I say "what do you need"..
He looks at me very worried and says "I don't need anything"
"Then why did you you yell at me to wake up?"
"Babe, I didn't say a word"
"Yes you did... you yelled ,'BECKY!'"
"Oh Honey... you have had a bad night... I didn't call you... I haven't said a word"

So now it is not enough that I am getting these little stretches of sleep, but now I am being awakened by some voice in my ear during the little time that I am sleeping!!

If it is a ghost, it better be prepared to defend it's ass.. I am a woman on the edge who likes her sleep!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

36 week check up

36 weeks...wow... where has the time gone...

So, bed rest did the trick. I lost a pound and my blood pressure was perfectly normal today. For the first time a homeopathic approach kicked conventional drugs' ass for me.
She drew labs as a precaution, but she is very cofident that we are actually going to be able to keep our Dec 8th 12:30 date to meet Ben. As long as I continue doing what I am supposed to be doing which is rest.
And rest is what I do. I got to my appointment 5 minutes late because I fell asleep at home. While I was waiting for my room in the 2nd waiting area, I nearly feel asleep again. Tami the nurse practioner came around to talk to me and asked how I was doing and I said I was tired, she frowned and said "you better be on bed rest young lady!" and I assured her that I was... and that is all I can do.. rest... I try so hard to occupy myself with books or movies but it is nearly impossible to stay awake when laying completely flat.
I am also a complete adrenaline junkie.. I love deadlines and last minute details.. I live for big projects and presentations... my plug has been pulled and now all I want to do is sleep... maybe I can catch up on all the sleep deprivation for the past 30 years...

Monday, November 22, 2004

I love my Max!

I am sure that I am being way more nostalgic about Max because Ben is right around the corner, or it could be that because I normally run at 100-150 miles per minute I never get to see the little things and bed rest allows you to see everything... including dirty floor boards (see previous post).
Max had his 2 yr birthday last Sunday. My sister has always been very into birthdays... every birthday should be special and every birthday should be celebrated to the hilt. I am not like this. I know that my 2 year old doesn't comprehend what birthday means, much less is he going to remember it.... oh contrare....
So after we got home from dinner and my dad's memorial service we brought the kids happy meals. They really had no interest in them because they were wired from playing together all afternoon. Karen was trying to coax Max into eating some of his dinner, but it just wasn't going to happen. Then she started into the "who's birthday is it?" game. And to my surprise, my son very excitedly grabbed his chest and started chanting "birthday! birthday!" I thought this had to be a coincidence.
So since it was getting later we skip the happy meals and move to the cupcakes. Max had picked out his "Shrek" birthday cup cakes the night before with Daddy and he was very excited to see them presented to him with candles lit on top. He knew they were for him... he knew he was supposed to blow them out.... his eyes were just glowing in the candle light with excitement that this was for HIM!!
Then it was time for the presents... again... he knew they were for him and he knew that he got to keep them. And they were "BOY TOYS"... trucks and cars and and an aqua doodle. The aqua doodle was cool, but Kaitlyn played with it while Kameron and he played with the trucks. It was the 1st time we ever saw them split up into sexes versus ages to play.

The hugs are so tight right now...
The kisses are genuine... not just because I ask...
The smiles light up my soul...
He sees me frustrated in bed and tries to tickle me to make me laugh...

I need to botttle this and keep it safe...

Friday, November 19, 2004


One minor change....

My husband told me last night that he could not comment on my blog and I had heard from others that they could not either, but I think I fixed that now.

So now anyone, including those who do not have blogs yourself... (but please go get one...) can comment.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

My shower at work

They cancelled my shower....

who does that?

They all just forgot and no one had any gifts...

who does that?

...I wanted to watch Oprah and Dr. Phil anyway...

Random google cleaning thoughts

Okay.. bordom has already set in. I have yet to get myself into a groove of things I would like to do.. ie read.. Dr. Phil... Oprah....

Something very cool.. have you ever googled yourself?... it is kind of interesting... what is really cool is if you google your blog.. kind of makes you feel like you are an important part of this internet universe and if people really needed to find you, they could.

Of course I am sure that we all have dreams that this could one day turn into some sort of non-fiction Bridgett Jones' Diary and we could make millions from just writing random thoughts. I am pretty positive that some of my thoughts are worth at least 2 cents!!

Bed rest had me up every hour on the hour last night... which normally is not that big of a deal because I can go right back to sleep, but last night I was not so fortunate. I was almost relieved when the clock said 5:15 and I could hear Max stirring. He got up and we snuggled on the couch for a while before Mike got up. This is also the time when I noticed that the fridge is broke yet again. Did you know Sears will accept service requests at 5:30 am?? The only reason I am not through the roof again is because we are still under warranty... I think thi is the 1st time I have ever opted for the extended service warranty ever and it has paid off.

I will be venturing out into the big world today... work had scheduled my baby shower for today. I am aweful though, because I am hoping it is very quick ... Dr. Phil and his crisis husband, wife, and pregnant mistress are supposed to be on.... Oh and OPRAH!!!!! Today they go to this woman's house who- on the outside- is perfect.. perfectly dressed, perfect hair, perfect jewelry.. and they go to her house and it is horrible!!!! Pet feces everywhere... the bathroom covered in mildew.. kitchen hasn't been cleaned in 2 years!!! This is my greatest fear....

I come from a long line of perfectionist cleaners, both maternal and paternal sides... My father never... EVER... allowed dishes in the sink for more than the time it took for the event.. ie dinner was clean before we sat down to watch TV.. breakfast was put away before we left in the morning.... ANd not just put in the dishwasher... cleaned and put in the dishwasher... Tiff & Kyle used to make so much fun of me because I come from a family where dishes are washed with soapy water in the sink and disinfected in the dishwasher... I would spend forever in the kitchen cleaning the dishes and Kyle & tiff would say just put them on the shelf! My mother... there was no such thing as dust or a dirty bathroom... My grandparents... again.. no magazines stacked anywhere.. no nothing stacked anywhere, not even in closets... SO any remote mess makes me feel like a slob. I genuinely believe that when people come over to my house they notice my dirty floor boards and assume I live like a slob.. even though I have never noticed a floor board in anyone else's home. The idea of someone "dropping by" my house makes me want to hurl!!

I have to stop talking about cleaning because now I am having this overwhleming desire to clean my floor boards rather than lay back down which is what I am supposed to do....

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


what a joke.....

Yes, I have been placed on bed rest. I was placed on bed rest last Tuesday. Here has been my "bed rest" schedule since then.

Wednesday: slept late, went to work, came home, cleaned the kitchen, made dinner, gave my 35lb 2 yr old a bath, put him to bed kicking and screaming, made it to bed around 9:30.

Thursday: Very similar to Wednesday execept I chose a high sodium drive thru for dinner.

Friday: Worst day at work... now blood pressure has risen because I am trying to cram a 10 hr day into 4 hours, luckily I have a large stomach to blame my outbursts towards my employees on... my sister reminds me that hypertension leads to stroke & heart attack... great now I am doing a bad job at work, as a mom and as an incubator.

Saturday: Spent the day changing videos on the TV for Max in between cleaning all the new clothes for Ben and cleaning all the old stuff( baby carrier, swing, bouncy seat) and transitioning all of Max's clothes from summer to fall/winter. Beg and plead with Max to lay down and take a nap with mommy at around 3:30. Mom comes over around 7:00 so that we can prepare our annual very important meeting for work until 11:30.

Sunday: Wake up, continue laundry, clean kitchen so that Ali, the babysitter, does not think my family lives like a slob. Family goes to hospice memorial service for my dad... very hard but not ready to go there just yet here... went to dinner then came home to celebrate Max's 2 yr birthday with presents and cake... also another post... get to bed around 10:30.

Monday: Get up and get dressed because Modern Pest control supposed to be at house around 8 am. Continue working on the meeting for work until 6:00 when I then make it to the office to complete everything I could not complete at home. Got home around 10:00... in bed around 11:00.

Tuesday: Got up, Karen took me to get some new nightgowns for the hospital, went to my ultra sound.. baby is already 8 lbs and measuring 38 weeks even though I am only 35 weeks. Went to MD who now tells me ... have you been on bed rest?... Uh, huh.. sure.... Well now you are for real... you have bathroom and shower privlidges but that is about it.... Left MD to go get gifts for big meeting ... went to office to get my reports for big meeting.. went to big meeting... got home around 9:30 in bed by 10:30.

Today.... bed rest... really.... slept until 11:00... laid there until 12:00.. ate lunch... laid back down... decided I wanted to write for awhile so here I am....

C-section has been moved to December 8th, but MD also said that was being generous.. I asked if we could at least make it until December because we have too many events already for November.. I would like to spread it out just a little!

And for those of you who are asking... where is Mike??? He is here... unfortunately his work has kept him at jobs later than usual lately and that is just our dumb luck...

I am fine... I really really am... It is very hard to be put on bed rest for a condition that you cannot feel... I do not feel sick... I do not have headaches... so I feel guilty for laying around when there is so much I want to be doing because I am sick with something I do not feel...

I think this is going to be very boring for the next few weeks so I am sure I will be posting a lot more...

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


I seem to be strolling down memory lane a lot lately. Not sure if it is because my life right now is too chaotic and boring that I prefer to think of the good ole days, or what... but since I am strolling I thought I would take you on a walk:

Amazed, Lone Star: Mike and I dancing to several songs in our apartment trying to decide what our wedding song was going to be and him saying that this was it because he fell more and more in love with me the more we were together.

With Arms Wide Open, Creed: Being pregant with Max.

Summer nights, Grease: holding Tiff and & Em's hands as we watched the bouncing ball sing-a-long version on New Year's Eve in North Carolina.

House of the Rising Sun: My dad, my dad, my dad..... all conversation ceased and the music blared so loud you would think the car windows would shatter from the base.

The Sun will Rise, Lion King (Broadway): Sitting in my back yard in Texas with my feet in the pool listening to Allison play this song in New York and wishing I could fly through the stars to be there with her.

Is it over Yet? Wynnona: Me, Kyle and Hollie sitting on our "porch", smoking until wee hours of the morning with this song on repeat.

Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion: Tiff... out of no where in the car said she dedicated this song to me.

Hold on my Heart, Phil Collins: Prom weekend.. more specifically driving home form prom weekend on the sea wall in Galveston remebering I would never forget that moment.

Black Velvet: Almost losing my "innocence".

New York State of Mind, Billy Joel: Allison and Todd, Brooklyn apartment, the view of one tiny piece of the World Trade Center in the window.

Girl you know it's true, Milli Vanilli: Calling 104 and talking to the morning DJ and swearing to be a witness to them not lip sync-ing at Astroworld the weekend before!!

Canon in D, Pachabel: All weddings I have ever been too... way more so than the wedding march itself.

Care to add any?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Reminiscing like Rock Stars

So this past Friday night I went out with Allison to celebrate her 30th birthday. No, she didn't turn 30 this past month, but I am late with everything and there were extenuating circumstances around her birthday.
I decided that I was going to take her to see "Greater Tuna" at the new Stafford Center. I have always wanted to see it and I knew that she had talked about it all the time, but it wasn't until we got there and I could hear her quoting most of the show that I had any idea how important this show was to her. If you are not familiar with the show, it is based in smalltown Tuna, Texas. Two male actors play all the roles in the show which roughly add up to 10 or so characters each, both male and female. To my shock, Allison tells me that she had never seen this show in it's entirety even though she knew it backwards and forwards. As we are watching this 2 hour show, I suddenly see where Allison has gotten her base in comedy. Not that anyone would really recognize it if they saw this show and then saw Allison perform, but the timing, the choices that actors made, the simplicity and the grandness of the story and it's details. It was like watching the wheels in Allison's head turning on stage.
For those of you who do not know, Allison and I have made several attempts to write a show together, great starts we never seem to get back to... well we started again. Within 10 minutes of intermission Allison and I had written the basic shell of a show. We never know if anyone else is going to think it is funny, but it is very entertaining to us(... luckily in the past, the few people wo have read our scripts thought they were funny, too). I will keep you posted on any developments in that area... maybe we will even try out parts of it here... who knows!
After the show, we went to a restaurant to talk and have drinks (oh how I wish mine could have had the bacardi in it!) It is the closest we have found in the neighborhood to our old stomping grounds in NY, "The Pig 'N Whistle". Oh did we have good times there... stayed up way too late talking, losing track of time, and having our husbands call us to remind us that we do not have the money to take a cab back to Queens so what the hell were we doing out so late! Well, we managed to get comfortable in our Pig 'N Whistlesque booth and reminisce like rock stars for hours. Good times.. not so good times... good times together... good times apart... just catch up and remember why we have been such amazing friends for the past 10 yrs. It felt good down to the soul.
I have this theory when it comes to soul friends... we all got on this highway of life and started traveling down the road. Sometimes it was fast and fun and the music was rocking. Sometimes traffic was slow and the air conditioning was broke. Then somewhere we all hit downtown with several different routes we could take... exit and take the inner streets, take the loop and go around, or just continue on course and go straight through to the other side. But they all end up on the other side... and thanks to cell phones we can talk and keep in touch even though our routes may not be the same right now.

So to all my traveling soul friends... thank you for the great ride... I hope our routes haven't gotten too far apart that we can't meet up every now and again on the other side of downtown.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I voted

I voted today for the 1st time ever!

I am not sure why because 95% of the ballot for my precinct was uncontested Republicans.

I guess my precinct's electoral votes are pretty clear.

I still don't get the electoral vote thing... and yes I did stay awake in all my junior high, senior high, and college government courses, but I still can't understand why one vote doesn't count as one vote.

Monday, November 01, 2004


7:26... yes, ladies & gents... at 7:26 we handed out the last of the 180 bags of candy that we had put together for our little "neighborhood" trick or treaters. Emphasis on "neighborhood" because I honestly do not think 95% of them even live in the neighborhood.

Some of my favorite moments of the hallow's eve festivities:
1. Obese children: Wait!!! Do not judge this entry until you have read the entire post!! I know what it is like to be over weight... I came into this world at 11 lbs and remained "above average" for the rest of my life. But this was absolutely intolerable. We see this suv with the back doors open going from house to house. We don't pay much attention until it gets closer and we realize there are too overweight children in the back. The mom pulls up in front of our house and these 2 children (not in costume) hop out the back, walk up to us for candy, walk back to the car, hop back into the back of the car as the mother then proceeds to the next walk way of the next house.....SERIOUSLY!!!!!
2. Grandma trick or treating: Yes... not one, not two, but THREE grandma's with their own bags (not representing young children, but their own bags) coming up behind the large group of children to get their own goodie bag... we are talking 75-80 year old women!!!!
3. Pillow case or dollar store trick or treat bags....
4. Playing the sugar game... yes I admit I am a bad mother... thank goodness my sister is too so we could play this game together. There is a fine line with young children when it comes to sugar. If you see them going down the road of too much sugar that is when you slightly push them over the edge so that you have a sufficient crash to get them to sleep. I do not play this game very often and I acknowledge this game will one day backfire and I will be up until 3 AM with a wired child.