Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's day!!

Happy mother's day to all the wonderful women out there!!

I earned this one. I am currently suffering from clingy mommy syndrome. Ben is doing well, but goodness gracious we are attached at the neck. The first 4 days sucked, I mean SUCKED HARD!! He would not eat, he was not drinking. My sister and I figured out that he was pretty much surviving on 200 calories a day of fruit juice in popsicles. The very little he did eat, he threw right back up in a very horrific and painful episode that had me outwardly trying to calm him while inwardly praying novenas that he would not start bleeding because I was alone and had no clue how I was gonna handle that!

Things turned around one night when the guardian angel named Grandma showed up with a soft serve ice cream cone from dairy queen. He ate every bit of it. From there we managed to get a little more and more at each meal. He is doing great now. We still have it rough when we wake up, and we still do the turtle neck when we try to swallow, but hey, we are swallowing and I am no longer concerned that each day I get a clearer picture of the structure of his rib cage and spine.

I will say, I have greatly benefited from the clingy mommy syndrome just as much as it drives me crazy. Ben will spend lots and lots of time just wanting to be held. And not just sit in your lap held, but hug holding cradling in your neck kinda holding. Nose to nose to fall asleep kind of love. Ben has never been this much of a lover. He has always been waaayyy to busy exploring his three yr old life to snuggle with mommy, so this one on one time has been very very special.

Oh and Max... my sweet, patient, kind, Max. He is the best popsicle fetcher around. The every first day that he got home after Ben's surgery, Ben sat up in his bed and said, "Good news, Max... the new doctors... they took the gunkers out! All gone!" And Max climbed into bed with him and hugged him and asked if his throat hurt, and did he need a popsicle?

This weekend, Max has been gentleman 101.... he knows it is mother's day and he is making sure to open my door everywhere we go, and he yells at daddy if he tries to go first...."Daddy!!! Ladies first!!!!" I was outside watering my plants on Friday when he got home. He ran outside for our usual hugs and kisses and then bursting with pride he says:

"Mommy.... I am not going to tell you about the surprise mommy's day cake we got....(and then he whispers)... but I will tell you it has beautiful BLUE roses!!"

..... clearly my Max is not going to be the one keep secrets in this family.....

Monday, May 05, 2008

He's great!!!!

We are already home and he is doing great!!

Everything came back normal and fine other than enlarged tonsils and adenoids and now they are all history!

Waking up from anesthesia was awful, but when the nurse asked him if he wanted to go home, he stopped crying, nodded his head and laid it on my chest.

He is being nice and following requests, "Would you like a bite of popsicle?" Nods yes, takes a small bite then gives you this look like are you happy?!? okay, no thank you, I do not want any more!

I took these pics just now... He did smile when he opened the transformer, but it was brief. I asked him to smile for the camera (out of habit) and he shook his head no and whispered, "I'm sick."

Okay, that's all for now.... off to snuggle and watch Toy Story 2!!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

I've been good... considering.

So I have only cried twice. I have teared up several times and have not slept well for several days, but I have only had 2 big cries. Once when I was checking out of the grocery store looking at all the different puddings, popsicles, juices, ice cream, apple sauce, etc. that I had on the conveyor belt and I said a little prayer hoping that he would show interest in at least some of it. And one really big cry as I was putting it all away in our kitchen and I was explaining to Mike how I had cried in the grocery store.

I gotta go try and get some sleep. I have to wake up in about 5 hrs. We check in to the hospital at 7:00 and surgery is at 9:00. All prayers for an uneventful surgery and speedy recovery will be greatly appreciated!

The below picture was taken Christmas a YEAR AGO and it shows his enlarged tonsils even then - hopefully after tomorrow we will say goodbye to all the infections, colds, and fevers that have plagued my poor child most of his life!

A funny side note:

Max was having a hard time understanding the extra attention for Ben. SO I sat him down to have a one on one conversation with him. I explained to him that Ben was getting gifts and new pajamas because Ben was sick and how after going to the hospital and waking up from his nap, his throat was really going to hurt and people felt bad so they were giving him presents to make him feel better. So then off to bed everyone went and I am laying in bed and I hear the following conversation over the baby monitor:

Max: Hey Ben... ya know when you go to the doctor's work, the hospital? Well when you wake up from your nap your throat is REALLY REALLY gonna hurt!! You are not gonna be able to eat or drink....


So I tried the talk again. I explained to him that yes, what he was saying is true, and yes, we have talked to Ben about it, but he DOES NOT need to talk about it with Ben!! Just don't worry about it!! Catch a bubble and keep it inside, okay?!?!

Max heads back upstairs and I hear the following as he is climbing back up into his bunk bed:

Max: Hey, Ben.... I am not gonna tell you how bad it is gonna hurt.... nope, it is a secret locked up in my heart... I am NOT gonna tell you!

Saturday, May 03, 2008

It is still a "GO"

So they did not cancel Ben's surgery. We are a go for Monday morning at 9 AM.

We are spending the weekend talking about what is going to happen on Monday. We have explained to him that the doctor wants to take out all the gunky stuff in his throat that makes him throw up. We have told him that we are going to the doctor's work, it's called a hospital, and that he is going to take a nap and when he wakes up from his nap his throat is going to hurt, but that means that the doctor took the gunkers out and he would be all better and stop throwing up in a couple of days.

So far he is completely okay with all of it. I think he has been poked and prodded so much the past few days, that he thinks, "How bad could it be?!?"

I was right about my concerns with Max though. One of the reasons I have delayed talking about it is because Max, Mr. Questions, goes into overdrive when he doesn't understand something. And sure enough:
Mommy, what do you mean he is going to the hospital?
How does the doctor do it?
Does it hurt?
Is he going to be okay?
Is daddy going to go, or is he going to work?
Mommy, why do I have to go to school?
Mommy, I was such a good helper, you may need me, mommy, I need to be with Ben!!

All of these questions and more came in rapid succession when we were sitting down to talk about it. Luckily, Max was talking so fast that it flew over Ben's head. I explained to Max that a hospital is for adults only unless you are sick, and since he was not the one who was sick, he couldn't come, but I promised him as soon as we got Ben home, we would come get him to make sure Ben was okay.

So.... I cannot sleep. This is worse than if it were me. I am trying to keep occupied to make the time go faster. I know everything will be fine, but, Good Lord, this is hard!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Dragging it out

So apparently we will be dragging this process out slightly longer than expected.

Ben woke up this morning with fever and chills. We headed to the pediatrician and after several hours of poking prodding and labs and tears, we have found out that we have a 22,000 white blood cell count (this is very high) of unknown origin.


This is what you like to here walking out of the MD office... something is wrong, but we don't know what it is, here is a shot, see you tomorrow!

I called the ENT - the nurse kindly took the info and said she would call me back. I don't really need her to. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out it is not smart to touch him with a 10 foot pole right now. I may be wrong, but I just don't think surgery is gonna happen Monday.

I can't even think about the scenarios wandering in my head right now...