Friday, April 01, 2011


Well, this is post #600. I just realized it as I was logging in right now. Man that is a lot of entries. Not that I have been entering much lately... I am lucky to get 1 a month...maybe. And I miss it. I really do. But there are only so many hours in the day, and every day just seems to be getting shorter, yet packed with more and more to do.

The truth is, life is pretty good right now. And that may be a reason why I come here less and less. I tend to gravitate here when things are confusing or pissy to help me process and release. It makes for good therapy. I was thinking to myself in the car the other day ( my only alone time, sometimes) - wow... life isn't terribly crappy right now. I don't hate going to work everyday. I don't dread the overwhelming-ness of daily chores. I am not burdening myself with unwanted time stealing projects. Though crazy and chaotic at times, it is MY crazy chaos, methodically chosen by ME, not dumped upon me. That is pretty damn cool.

So here we are in my birthday month, once again. For the 36th time. ( I guess the 37th time if you count the year of my actual birth for all you detail nit pickers, out there!) and I would like to take a moment to appreciate the journey thus far, acknowledge the gifts of the present, and look forward to the future path.

Dear Childhood - I was always too old for my own good. Never really allowed myself to just be. Over thought everything. Worried more than I should. Not able to see myself in the mirror the way others saw me.
Dear Teens - You were pretty cool, but I was so excited to "grow" up I didn't appreciate you as much as I should have.
Dear College Years - Wow... you f(&%ing rocked. I made some of the deepest, longest lasting friendships here. I made terrible mistakes, glorious recoveries, and had a damn good time doing it. You were game changing years... thanks.
Dear Twenties - You took me out on many ledges and taught me many lessons. You gave me the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. I do not regret one choice, but I cannot say that I would love to live you again.
Dear Thirties - you have bit me in the ass. You snuck up on me, threw mud in my face, then tossed me on that spinning playground merry-go-round, only it wasn't as fun as when I was 8. I just got dizzy, overwhelmed, confused and ended up with a headache. But the good news is, you gave me the maturity to choose to get off the merry-go-round. You gave me wisdom to make choices and say, hey - for the record - no one said you HAD TO STAY on the merry-go-round. If you don't like it, or you don't want it - change your mind. And then I did. And so now we are cool again.

Now that I am sliding down the back side of thirty, heading towards that proverbial "Hill", I gotta say, things are pretty manageable. And quite frankly, I am looking forward to the view on top of that hill.

Alright... enough existential bull s(&*% for this April Fool's morning... gotta get some work done!!

Happy Spring, everyone!!