In the beginning I thought... this isn't anything yet, just a suspicion. No need to jump off the ledge just yet.
After the first doctor's appointment I thought - ugh - it's not time. We don't even know if it IS cancer.... we have to go through the tests.
Once we received the diagnosis, thoughts turned to - not yet - let's stage it, get more information, and THEN - T H E N we should spill the beans - the crappy, unfortunate, stress and anxiety inducing news...
Well... today is the day. Today, as Michael lay in a tube for hours getting his PET scan and I sat in the waiting room, simultaneously wanting to throw up and run to the bathroom because tears started to escape down my cheeks - today is the day the stress has won and I have to hit my knees and admit defeat. I have to admit that this is happening and we need help.
So.... from the beginning....
Thanksgiving morning.... I'm in the kitchen cooking. I'm scrambling between peeling potatoes and making the cornbread casserole, shooing away hungry fingers trying to get a pre-dinner taste, when Michael turns his head to yell at the boys and there it was....this huge mass sticking out from the left side of Michael's neck.
"WHAT is THAT and HOW LONG has it been there?!?!? Get in the car RIGHT now and go show mom!!!"
It was so startling that my first thought was we needed to head to straight to the emergency room because it was swollen to the point that it would cut off circulation or something. My mother's response was, "I'm not worried that he needs to go the ER right now.... but I am worried."
10 days later we were in our ENT doctor's office. She is a wonderful, no nonsense woman. She said, "I hate to go here with the holidays and all, but .... we are looking at lymphoma." It was clear through her physical exam and in-office scopes that all symptoms pointed to that all encompassing word. She ordered a CT scan which then lead to a biopsy which then lead to a call from her cell phone the day after New Year's to say it was, in fact, Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
We were directed to Texas Oncology which directed us to many follow up tests to stage the cancer and eventually come up with the plan how to fight it.
That is where we are today.
Today, Michael had a PET scan and pulmonary function testing. in a week, he will have a procedure for a bone marrow biopsy and port placement. Once the blood work, biopsy, scan and baseline testing results are done, Michael will start the process of fighting this asshole of a disease.
The protocols for treatment and prognosis are all very positive. No one should ever have to deal with cancer, but of the lymphomas, Hodgkin's is the more rare, but the *better* diagnosis to have outcome wise.
The oncologist put it this way....
"2020 is gonna suck... it is.... but fingers crossed... then it will be done."
So - there you have it. For the Feit Club, 2020 is gonna suck. But we will get through it.
I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time, but I am hoping to use this to keep everyone updated on his progress as well as a ranting, raving, anxiety fighting option for me to stay off ledges or go too far down rabbit holes.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out with love and support. The few people who were aware of the situation have helped to cushion the blow of this news.
For anyone who would like to show their love and support - we love you already for the thoughts and prayers and white light. I have already been offered help with meal trains, which we will definitely accept once we have a better idea of what Michael's treatment will be and how he will react to the treatments. I promise to share the info once the time is right and details arranged.
The hardest thing I have ever done is swallow my pride and ask for financial assistance. It is hard for me to even type these words without deleting them and just suffer through and "figure it out" on our own. Our medical insurance is through Michael's work, but deductibles and out of pocket costs are going to be difficult. I have not been working recently and we do not have a net big enough to catch these additional costs. To date, our out of pocket expenses have been over $5000 and he hasn't even started the treatments.
If you would like to help, we have a Go Fund Me set up here.
If you prefer, you can donate through Venmo (@Rebecca-Randall-5), or PayPal (paypal.me/MamaBeckknows).
