God bless THIS man!!!

Do you see this man? DO YOU SEE HIM?!?!?
He is the greastest man in the world.... well, MY, world that is....

This man watched 5 children.... 6, 3, 3, 20 months and 16 months......

From 12:00 pm on Saturday until 6:00 PM Sunday while my mother, sister and I went to San Antonio for some fun.....

BACK OFF, Ladies...... He's MINE!!!!!

...more on the "Hot Mamas on the Riverwalk" later..... tonight we celebrate this glorious man!!!

Oh MY!!!.... She posted something new......

I am here daily.. several times daily and I have not posted. I am so far behind in work that I feel guilty even writing now.....

Very Quick re-cap:

Yes.. I turned 31 last week.... thank you all for the kind words and warm wishes....
My aunt passed away last week. She is the 3rd in my father's family to die from cancer.... My mother and sister traveled to NY for the funeral, which of course means our house was full of rugrats for Easter. I am happy to say that Kailtyn won the Easter egg hunt and had devoured her candy faster than her male competition.

My business trip several weeks ago was great. The trip was just peaceful and beautiful. I was in my pajamas, eating take-out from Outback steakhouse, a mud mask on my face and wet nail polish on my finger nails and toes by 7:00..... I stayed up until 2:00 in the morning watching movies uninterrupted. The conference itself was long and boring, but the events outside of the conference were great. Remember this? Well it was just the 2 of us at this conference so we had a lot of time to ourselves. She showed me a depth to herself that I never knew existed. I am not saying that we will ever be best friends, but it was interesting to hear her tell her stories in a relaxed atmosphere... amazing perspective. I think the most I talked was just to comment on what she was telling me.

Another strange (and a tad worrisome) occurrance lately is a series of very violent and/or disturbing dreams that I have had the past few nights. They include the bombing of a subway line where I hear the explosions and see the sidewalk cave in and buildings fall. The next I saw a woman plant a bomb and tell me you are going to understand the meaning of 2:10. It could be 2 minutes and 10 secs or 2 hrs and 10 minutes, but you will know the meaning of 2:10. I run and run and when my instincts tell me I can no longer run, I have to seek protection. I then see people turn around and look towards the city and say, "whoa...." and I wake up. The next was a serial killer who had escaped from jail and was stabbing people in their neck and sometimes stabbing so hard that their heads would fly off (I am seeing it all) He would look at me and give me this very evil smile and then kill the people. No one could catch him and he would show up out of the darkness and disappear back into the darkness. The last (last night) was that I had just been diagnosed with brain cancer. I am sure this is all related to my aunt's death and bringing up old issues about dad's death. I just wish I could satisfy my psyche that the images don't have to be quite so violent. The interestign thing in all the them, the theme - if you will- was that i was never concerned about me. I was concerned about those around me or the situation... hte people on the train, the people who didn't know about the bomb, the people who were beign killed, and then last night, I was more concerned with everyone else knowing that it was okay that I had been diagnosed more than the diagnosis itself.

I don't have the energy to analyze now.... but I am curious about the 2:10 thing... anyone out there know the significance of 2:10?

31

..... I genuinely have nothing to say.....

This one's for me....

icky , yucky stuff....random thoughts that seem to be so surface that I just can't seem to release them or shove them back down into the deep abyss....I was already very sensitive about my father lately... songs that trigger emotions that I am not ready or should not allow to surface when I am driving 75 mph down the beltway with no shoulders to pull off onto. Then the story about the little boy, Ben, who recently died of brain cancer and s-h-a-k-e s-h-a-k-e s-h-a-k-e... the wheel of emotions again. Yet at the same time I have these extreme moments of laughter and release. I don't quite understand the pendulum. Oh so high and oh so low. I used to love to swing when I was younger... I would love to swing now, but my weight doesn't let me be comfortable on the playground. Anyway... I loved to swing... high.. really high... and I can remember the feeling when it was time to stop... your insides were still swinging. I could still feel the ebb and flow and the self created wind that made my hair whip around and get stuck in my mouth....
It hurts... those of you who know me know that my tears don't come, like a faucet that that slowly trickles and increases with pressure as you turn the knobs. It is this pressure that I am constantly checking the gauges and when I lose my focus, the pressure is too intense and I can't stop them.
Once again simple words from a wise woman in my life has brought me to a mirror showing me my gauges and deciding I either gotta release the pressure myself in a controlled setting or it is going to blow up in my face.
I am taking a business trip by myself (driving) and she wrote a simple email to me...

"Enjoy the trip. Sometimes I like to travel alone, lots of time to think. :)"

I have really been looking forward to this trip. It wasn't until I got this email that I realized why. I am a cave dweller... I need the protection all around me in a safe quiet place to process. I have been known in the past to get stuck in the cave or worse, go so deep into the mountain that I can't find my way out alone. Luckily experience and lessons learned have shown me that this is not the fun path in life. However, I also get so scared of getting lost in the mountain again, that I go out on these hikes, as far away from the cave as possible. And then I get exhuasted and lose my way in the jungle only to find myself walking in circles crying. Once again, pendulum has brought me from darkness to blinding sun with the same results... lost, walking in circles, crying.
I have not accepted, forgiven or released a lot of the events surrounding my father's death. I have started removing the weeds and tilling the ground I chose to plant my seeds of life into.... I was not prepared for the emotions that come with taking out the garbage. I know the tears will help to nourish the seeds of change, but I need a little more time and space than the 15 minute trip to work along a road with no shoulders to stop and catch my breath. I am looking forward to a nice quiet drive, followed by an empty room, a hot shower and dark curtains to shut my daily responsibilities out and process... or not process... just rest....

"Enjoy the trip. Sometimes I like to travel alone, lots of time to think. :)"

Springing forward sucks...

I already have enough problems getting places on time.... and every year ya gotta smear it in my face by adding an extra hour on to it?

... the governement.....

A bunch of Happy Birthdays!!

Please go wish a Happy Birthday to the self proclaimed April Fool ... she is a Becky, too. I have had the pleasure of reading her blog for quite a while and we have shared quite a few similarities in our life's journey other than the same name....

Then go stop by Amanda, She just turned 30 and has her arms full with a brand new baby girl!

And even though she doesn't have a blog... I know she has been able to stop by here in the blog world to check out how we are doing here in the way down South! My yankee New York then moved to Vermont sister-in-law, Vickie, is having a birthday today, too!!!

Happy Birthday, everyone!!!!!