Memorial Day

This memorial day I remembered:
What it is like to have a clean kitchen
What it is like to have clean bathrooms
What it is like to have all laundry done
What it is like to have all laundry done, FOLDED, AND PUT AWAY
What it is like to snuggle with my husband & kids and watch TV
What it is like to take a 2 hour nap
What it is like to go to bed at a resonable time, on clean sheets, with household chores done ....

God Bless the 3 day weekend.......

Dear everyone.....

I do not have time to write all of you individual letters, so I hope you understand why I am choosing to publish this to all of you here on the world wide web....

We were watching the movie "Robots" during breakfast. When the Robin William's robot is taking the lead character's robot to stay at his Aunt Fannie's ,Max starts to get all excited and giggle feverishly....

Max: Here you come, mommy.....
Me: Excuse me?
Max: On the TV... here you COME!!!

At this point Aunt Fannie, named after her enormous derriere, comes on scene whipping her namesake too and fro while destroying everything around her as she turns...

Max: (Laughing uncontrollably) Ahhhhh mommy... you so funny!!!
Me: Why am I Aunt Fannie?
Max: 'Cause you have a big booty!!

I have loved you all.... I must now go throw myself off a bridge.....

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

No I am not referring to the book for those of you who just googled your way here.... I am referring to my backyard last night. Exactly what was good and what was evil is subject to opinion... my husband's opinion and my own.

So last night we went and had dinner with my mother. She needed me to fix something on her new computer and since he was along for the ride, she wanted Mike to pull up some plants in her garden. The plants she was pulling up were 5 mature azalea plants that probably would have cost us a couple hundred bucks if we bought them at a nursery. After much grunting and groaning, Mike got them up and loaded into the truck to take home. It was already late so my mother bathed the boys so we could just put them into bed when we got home. I finished up what she needed on her computer and off we go to the homestead. We get home and put 2 sleepy kids into their beds and I come out to see Mike closing up shop outside. He looks down at my hands a sees a flashlight.
Him: What do you need that for?
Me: So we can see....
Him: See what?
Me: We have to get them in the ground tonight, otherwise the roots will be exposed for over 24 hours by the time we get them into the ground.....
Him: WHAT?!?!?!
Me: THOSE PLANTS ARE WORTH LOTS OF MONEY... YOU JUST WANT TO THROW AWAY MONEY?

... So once again, we are outside... in the dark... gardening......thank God that man loves me in all my glory........

... P.S. they look beautiful .....

So perhaps we started the countdown a little too early.....

This is the conversation we have every morning at our house.....

Big Red: We go to Disney World today?
Me: No baby, not today, soon.....
Big Red: (falling into a goo of disappoitnment) Yes... mommy.. today .. the airplane take us to Disney World TODAY!! P-L-E-A-S-E MOMMY!!!!!

Today we had an extra twist to the conversation:

Big Red: Mommy, I too tired to go to school today.....
Me: Well then perhaps you need to go lay back down in your bed until mommy is ready to leave.
Bog Red: Okay.....

AND HE DID!!!!!!!

This boy needs a vacation.......

Aha moment.....

Dreams vs Passion

I had an interesting "aha moment" (using Oprah terms). I have always assumed that my dreams were my passion. I gotta say that I am disagreeing with my self now.... Dreams fulfill your fantasies... Passion fills your soul. Dreams are events. Passion is motion. I think the 2 can be related, but I think people get mixed up chasings dreams (events) with no passion (motion) and end up miserable and lost because they can't make "their dreams come true".
I have a dream of being the top of my game... whatever my game is. I want that feeling of being the best or greatest whatever. I dream of others saying..."wow...that Rebecca... she is amazing at dat-dat-tada .. she is the one you want to go to...." When I think of this dream I get a very false high followed by a severe drop of "maybe someday"... like there is a lotto ticket that I have to purchase several times before I can "luck out" and have my dream come true. I do believe dreams are completely out of my control. I believe in the old Jiminy Cricket theory that "a dream is wish your heart makes", a tiny prayer sent to the universe in the hopes that the universe will align events to make this prayer answered.

My passions are a totally different situation.... my passions wrap my soul in a fuzzy blanket and fill my needs like the best cup of hot chocolate, ever. Passion gives me forward momentum and gives me drive to continue. My passion is for me, myself and I. My passions direct my actions and allow me to share my gifts. If my passion sparks passion in others, its a win-win situation. If my passion creates joy and happiness in waves in my ponds that resonate out to the banks of others, again.... everybody holds the trophy. There is nothing more wonderful than living with passion. And for those who can make choices in their lives based on following their passions, I think that is amazing. I think sometimes people are blessed to make a living doing there passion. I think some people are blessed that their living allows them time to fulfill their passions.
I think some people's dreams have come true, and as they sit in their dream they realize there is no passion to stay in the dream. Dreams are tricky. You can create the most elaborate dreams and once the universe grants your dream, you learn a completely different lesson. You realize the dream was built on a cloud and most of it was a facade and not nearly what you thought it would be... but your dream came true.....
Here is a lesson that I am knee deep into... and by knee deep, I mean it is definitly not stopping me in my tracks or drowning me, but there is enough of it around my legs that it is slowing my journey on the my path. I have spent the majority of my life looking up and chasing dreams I have created in the clouds. A couple of them have come true out of shear determination, and once I sat atop my castle in the clouds, I realized... "Ah shit.... this isn't what I wanted!" I would then go through this grief over the loss of the dream or the reality of the situation. I have created dreams that are impossible to come true and put value in them... ultimately setting me up for disappointment or sadness. Because I wasn't liking the results my dreams were giving me, I gave up on dreaming...."what's the point? I don't really believe in dreams....." and in the process I allowed my passion to be stifled as well... because what's the point of following your passion if you dont believe in the dream you are trying to fulfill?
* This is where I lost my path *
I don't want to chase dreams in the future, I want to live with passion today. I know there are many rivers I can chose to set sail upon that would be driven by my passions and I have no idea where the river will lead me. Some of the rivers are scarier than others in the fact that they require more of me, more than I have been able to find in myself. Yet like drums in the middle of the village, they are calling to me and rattling my soul as I wander in the fields, telling me.... "there is something going on here.... and you know you want to be a part of it... the rhythms are calling...."
I set events into motion.... I have no idea what time frame these events are going to happen, that is not for me to decide. I am asking a commitment of myself to stay in the water, not matter how much I want to get out of the boat. I am asking myself to trust that my soul never leads me into dark waters without the tools to find the light again. Trips occur in minutes, hours or days.... journey's last over years and life-times... this is a journey... and I will live a passionate journey....

The boys....

So I haven't huffed and puffed recently with motherhod pride, so here is an update on the munchkins I call big red and little red.....
Big red.... he is truly killing me right now.. both positively and negatively. He is very attached to Mike and I and wants to be right at our heels with everything... helping with dinner, household chores, outside activities...etc...the biggest problem is that now that "we" are doign everything together, he feels that we should rest together.... we frequently waking up in the middle of the night with a guest in between us... sometimes it is so precious because I will wake up with him holding my cheeks in a loving manner fast a asleep. We are in a constant state of testing our boundaries.... when mommy and daddy say no, we tend to whine. I am proud of the fact that MOST of the time, Mike and I stand as a united front.

Raising children

I had an interesting thought while browsing through blogs today. There seems to be quite a few blogs that talk about "kids today".... lack of respect, lost in direction... not being heard.....
I cannot speak for generations before me, but it seems like pevious generations couldn't wait to HAVE children and wanted these little experiments to reflect the type of person they wanted to be..."You are such a good mother, your kids pee pee'd in the potty by (this)".... "You must have been one helluva dad to make the money to send your kids to (blank) college".
My generation of friends having babies talks about RAISING our children... making choices that will help to build character not grade point averages. I don't want my children to go to go to the best schools, I want them to have life experiences that help them to know what they really want out of life. I don't want my kids to be doctors, I want them to be respectful. I don't want my children to grow up and get married and have grandbabies for me... I want them to have happy fulfilling relationships. I want to focus on their current development, not think how this development will lead to that development which will lead them to be perfect ... I do not want my kids to be perfect... I want them to fail, learn how to fail and learn how to grow from failure. I do not want them to be the best at everything, because I want to teach them compassion for people who are not always the best.
I know my parents wanted what was "best" for me.... both positve and negative...when I was old enough to make choices for myself they guided these choices, but did not question them once they were made. If there were consequences, they made me responsible for them, but they did not judge me for them. They made the blocks available to me, but I built my character.
I want to focus on giving my children the right blocks... not the right shoes....