Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Aha moment.....

Dreams vs Passion

I had an interesting "aha moment" (using Oprah terms). I have always assumed that my dreams were my passion. I gotta say that I am disagreeing with my self now.... Dreams fulfill your fantasies... Passion fills your soul. Dreams are events. Passion is motion. I think the 2 can be related, but I think people get mixed up chasings dreams (events) with no passion (motion) and end up miserable and lost because they can't make "their dreams come true".
I have a dream of being the top of my game... whatever my game is. I want that feeling of being the best or greatest whatever. I dream of others saying..."wow...that Rebecca... she is amazing at dat-dat-tada .. she is the one you want to go to...." When I think of this dream I get a very false high followed by a severe drop of "maybe someday"... like there is a lotto ticket that I have to purchase several times before I can "luck out" and have my dream come true. I do believe dreams are completely out of my control. I believe in the old Jiminy Cricket theory that "a dream is wish your heart makes", a tiny prayer sent to the universe in the hopes that the universe will align events to make this prayer answered.

My passions are a totally different situation.... my passions wrap my soul in a fuzzy blanket and fill my needs like the best cup of hot chocolate, ever. Passion gives me forward momentum and gives me drive to continue. My passion is for me, myself and I. My passions direct my actions and allow me to share my gifts. If my passion sparks passion in others, its a win-win situation. If my passion creates joy and happiness in waves in my ponds that resonate out to the banks of others, again.... everybody holds the trophy. There is nothing more wonderful than living with passion. And for those who can make choices in their lives based on following their passions, I think that is amazing. I think sometimes people are blessed to make a living doing there passion. I think some people are blessed that their living allows them time to fulfill their passions.
I think some people's dreams have come true, and as they sit in their dream they realize there is no passion to stay in the dream. Dreams are tricky. You can create the most elaborate dreams and once the universe grants your dream, you learn a completely different lesson. You realize the dream was built on a cloud and most of it was a facade and not nearly what you thought it would be... but your dream came true.....
Here is a lesson that I am knee deep into... and by knee deep, I mean it is definitly not stopping me in my tracks or drowning me, but there is enough of it around my legs that it is slowing my journey on the my path. I have spent the majority of my life looking up and chasing dreams I have created in the clouds. A couple of them have come true out of shear determination, and once I sat atop my castle in the clouds, I realized... "Ah shit.... this isn't what I wanted!" I would then go through this grief over the loss of the dream or the reality of the situation. I have created dreams that are impossible to come true and put value in them... ultimately setting me up for disappointment or sadness. Because I wasn't liking the results my dreams were giving me, I gave up on dreaming...."what's the point? I don't really believe in dreams....." and in the process I allowed my passion to be stifled as well... because what's the point of following your passion if you dont believe in the dream you are trying to fulfill?
* This is where I lost my path *
I don't want to chase dreams in the future, I want to live with passion today. I know there are many rivers I can chose to set sail upon that would be driven by my passions and I have no idea where the river will lead me. Some of the rivers are scarier than others in the fact that they require more of me, more than I have been able to find in myself. Yet like drums in the middle of the village, they are calling to me and rattling my soul as I wander in the fields, telling me.... "there is something going on here.... and you know you want to be a part of it... the rhythms are calling...."
I set events into motion.... I have no idea what time frame these events are going to happen, that is not for me to decide. I am asking a commitment of myself to stay in the water, not matter how much I want to get out of the boat. I am asking myself to trust that my soul never leads me into dark waters without the tools to find the light again. Trips occur in minutes, hours or days.... journey's last over years and life-times... this is a journey... and I will live a passionate journey....

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