7:50 AM

Max throws up in car.

Will not be in the office today.

Mad rush to clean vomit out of car before hot summer day wins the battle and destroys my car.

Is there such a thing as too much Febreeze?

Thy will be done

So through an interesting "one thing lead to another"... I came across the blog of the person who received the teaching position that I interviewed for earlier this summer. It started when I received an email from the HR dept of the district that I had applied for asking if I was still available to teach. I am sure it was a blanket email sent to everyone who had applied so that they can clean out their system. Then I drove past the high school near me that was welcoming the new principal to the school who just happened to be the associate principal that I had interiewed with at the OTHER high school. I went online to confirm the information and then my curious cat nature had me nosing around to find the name of the person who did get the postion, which I did, then I googled the name (which I always do) and found his blog instantly.... silly on his behalf because if I found it, so could his students and his students' parents, but hey, not my problem.

Any hoo... what struck me as interesting in the big picture of things was.... he didn't want the job. What he was really hoping for was to be accepted for a 3 yr MFA program at a prestigious college. In his blog he said he and his wife, "...gave it to God.. and whatever God wanted... so be it...." Well, he didn't get in. He got this teaching job instead...."which I guess is okay...I mean, it's a new school and I would be the head of the department..."

Wow..... this is just so amazing to me. It is just so amazing to me that - even though I believe we have the ultimate choice to accept his calling - God really is constantly hovering above, moving the chess pieces exactly where He needs them, when He needs them, for the greatest good.

My favorite Rolling Stones Song and personal mantra:

"You can't always get what you want... but if you try sometimes, you just might find... you get what you need...."

I am pissed.....

I am pissed to the point of tears.
I am angry because I am internally humiliated.
I am upset because something that may seem so small and trivial to someone else can literlly cause an avalanche of reactions in my little insignficant world.

An eye doctor's appointment. A harmless eye fucking doctor's appointment. If it was not for the fact that I HAVE to get new contacts becasue the disposable ones that are in my eyes are so blurry I have headaches and easily 3 months old. I would just get contacts, but I am not allowed to per the government, I have to have an appointment.
I know that even 10 off of our budget can cause hundreds in overdraft protection fees, so I call ahead to my insurance company - WHAT DO YOU COVER....WHO IS IN NETWORK.... I call the in network provider who happens to be someone I went to years ago and my mother and sister have gone to for years....MY INSURANCE SAYS YOU ARE IN-NETWORK, ARE YOU?....yes..... DO YOU FILE OR DO I HAVE TO FILE?....we will file.... SO ALL THAT WILL BE COLLECTED IS MY CO-PAYS?.....yes.....

Get to the appointment...happy happy happy.... how's mom? how's sis? yadda yadda what's the problem? here's the solution.... we will put you in these.... same cost as what you were in before.... try these on....take all of these.....

That will be $284.00 if you order a years worth today......
What...(studder) uhm, well... let me just try these and then I will call.....
Oh... those are not samples.. those are the first of the order.....
Oh, uhm, well..... okay.....
But you can return them if you don't like them and want to try something else...
Oh, great ...okay.... (damnit Becky say something, you fucking idiot, tell them to take their damn contacts and shove it)...can I just pay for the exam right now?
SURE!... That's $58.00.....
$58.00... wait... I only have a $15 copay.....
Yes ma'm but that doesn't cover the $43.00 contact lense fitting fee.....
(coldly looking down at the counter because I am embarrassed that the entire store and all the associates can hear me stammering about money) I would have appreciated to have known this BEFORE now.....
Oh, I am sorry... I can take it out of the $150 allowance you are given for your contacts....
No....

At this point I want to start crying because I am so pissed but I am so exposed in an environment surrounded by people who cannot understand how $43.00 absolutely ruins me... how I feel like I have been had but I have lost my voice because I don't want to make a scene and I don't want to make it uncomfortable for my mother and sister who have gone there for over 10 yrs.

I walk out the door and I am so upset I can't hink clearly. I am panicking thinking where am I going to come up with $200.00. It takes me an hour to calm down to start thinking - call the office manager, make a complaint, return the contacts, get your prescription (which by the way I was not given) and go somewhere else.

My first Interview....

Well.. close to it... actually no, not my first interview now that I think of it, but my first blog interview... anyhoo.... Becky - not me - another Becky Blogger (April Fool) - offered to ask interview questions to readers on her blog after she answered some interview questions on hers, so here were my questions:


1. You were in NYC for 9/11, how do you think that being there affected you differently than from the rest of us that watched it on TV. Has it made you more scared, more concerned about security, etc?
This is hard, because I do not want to lessen any one's feeling towards that day because I know it was hard on everyone - but truth be told - I am not sure how anyone who was not there could possibly understand what it feels like. I guess it is very similar to people who have experienced the death of a loved one and being approached by someone saying how sad they were when good friend's dad died. You kind of shake your head, accept there good thoughts/intentions, and realize that they didn't know what they said because there is no way they could know what they said. Now having said that - I cannot even claim the amount of fear and grief as those that were in those buildings or lost loved ones who were. I will say I have never felt terror more than that day and the days that followed.

But at the same time - this along with other life altering events like our house fire when I was in college or the death of my father, has brought a peace of this too shall pass. I do not fear my own death, in a fight or flight situation, I know that I am a fighter, and I know that no amount or diplomacy and no amount of guns can protect me from people who have decided that my safety and my life and the life of my family are not as precious as their beliefs. I know we will be attacked again, I pray that I will be with my children and family, and I am always thinking of disaster plans of how I am going to get to my children in the event that something as large scale as 9-11 happens near me. I ask my daycare what their disaster plans are even though they shake their heads at me.


2. Since you recently applied for a theatre teaching position, what would be the only play or musical that you'd want to direct?
Ahhhh.... very difficult one... there is no ONE play/musical that stands out. I have a list of several that I have my own vision of. One thing that I have struggled with in my journey of "to teach or not to teach" has been that most of my interests tend to fall on the more controversial side of the art, "Rent", "Angels in America", etc. I will say that I have a passion for original works. I have a passion for the process of creating something from nothing, working together to sort the good from the bad and present it to an audience who has no previous history with a piece and watch them discover it, love it, hate it, whatever.....


3. If you'd had any girls, what would you have most likely named them?
Well... I am not sure if the ship has completely sailed into the sunset on whether or not a baby girl could possibly bless our family, but we have a couple of options. I actually love the idea of naming a little girl Brooklyn (where my husband is from) and her nick name would be Brooke or Michaela (after my husband who is Michael).

4. If you were to escape from your current life for a week and your family/friends wouldn't even realize that you'd left, what would you do, where would you go (and yes, time travel counts)?
Just a week? Well, yes if it was without my family and friends I would not be happy much more than a week to myself. Right now, I would love to go on a spiritual adventure, something retreat "find my inner soul"-esque, yet not just sitting and meditating. Like - jump into and become a character in the "Celestine Prophecy". I want to go someplace by myself, look at a beautiful mountain, climb it, then find out my purpose of how I am part of the mountain and what good I could do to make the mountain better for everyone else.


5. Is there a food that you hated when you were younger and now really enjoy?
Somehow when I was young, I confused cranberry sauce with beets, so I avoided it like the plague. It wasn't until my first Thanksgiving with my husband when we were having a conversation about how sweet and jello-y cranberry sauce was that I re-thought and tried it again. Now I cannot have a turkey dinner without it!


This was very thought provoking and fun to do, so I would love to play interviewer for anyone interested. Leave a comment and I will Barbara Walters you into crying over what kind of tree you wish you were!