Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A New Mommy High.....

A new mommy high.... or low depending on your perspective....

So Max is my boundary child. He is the child who constantly tests my limits and then pushes them juuuuust that much further to see if mommy's head really is going to explode. Luckily, to this point, his scientific theories on mommy's relative patience have only resulted in minor time outs, lack of TV, and puddles of tears and snot from amazing performances in the total meltdown hissy fit catagory.... mostly my tears, snot and meltdowns, but that is a different story.

What is the number one fight in our house?

Following directions - the FIRST TIME.

What is the tippy top item on the list of things asked of him?

Get dressed.... by yourself... everything from underwear to shoes.... NOW!!

I will admit that this morning's fiasco started with my poor decision to allow them to watch TV while I was getting dressed. I was being "nice" since this morning was technically a holiday for them and even though they were going to daycare, a little morning eye candy couldn't kill the morning routine THAT bad, could it?!?!

"Max get dressed...."

I pass the TV room on the way to the kitchen to put the waffles in the toaster

"Max get dressed....."

I pass back past the TV room on the way back to the bedroom to finish getting dressed.

DAMN DIRTY APES... forgot my pants hanging in the laundry room!!

"Max... I am serious.. get dressed"

Pass one last time on the path from laundry room to bedroom...

"Max... if I come back in here and you are not dressed, you will lose your TV privileges for the day, do you hear me?!?"

Blank TV stare nod.....

Several minutes later I reappear from the bedroom looking like "Leave it to Beav's" mom ready for my day... and guess what I find in my TV room.... a half naked child with nothing but underwear on.

"That's it! (march over and turn off TV) You have lost your TV privileges!"


It is hear that I normally match the ear screeching decibel that my child has magically created, but today.... no.... today I was done... D-U-N!! I calmly walked out of the room and headed to the kitchen to complete our breakfast on the go and my lunch. During this time, Ben (my first class ass kisser) is following me around with, "Max is really having a bad day, huh, mommy? I'm dressed, SEE?!?! I got all DRESSED... I am ready to go!!"

I complete the tasks in the kitchen, gather our stuff and escort Ben out to the car. I then wander through the house turning off lights and making sure doors are locked, all to the sweet soothing sounds of my 6 year old SCREAMING/CRYING at the top of his lungs: "WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I WAAAAAANNNNNTTT TTTTTTTVVVVVVV!!!!WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Once the final house check is complete, I grab Max's clothes and get behind him and nudge him to the door.
He starts to walk, giggling at first, because clearly mommy is playing a joke, I am not dressed yet.
Nudge - push further to the door
Nervous twitter, wait, we are at the door.
HOLY PATOOTERS BATMAN!!, She is NOT joking!! MAY DAY!! MAY DAY!! I am leaving the house in underwear!!
"Mommy, what are you doing?!?!"
"MOMMY!! It is TOO COLD outside!!"
"Then you probably should have put your clothes on when I asked you!"
PUSH-SHOVE into car
(Panic crying) "MOMMY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?!"
"I am not doing anything to you. I told you 5 times to get dressed. You now have until we get to daycare to get dressed or you will be going into daycare half naked!"

Daycare is less than 1 mile from our house just outside our neighborhood.

Magically when I opened the door to the backseat, I had a fully dressed 6 year old with a tear streaked face, but smiling from ear to ear.

Careful, when you play with the big dogs, son, you might get bit......

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