Wednesday, March 05, 2008

A New Earth: Chapter One

So I just finished watching the first class of the 10 week lecture series Oprah is hosting on her website.

Deep breath

I tried watching it live on Monday night. I was really quite amused with myself because as the minutes ticked away, closer and closer to the time I was going to be going up stairs and watching, I felt like it was the first day of school. I was so excited, I couldn't keep myself in check. I would try to just enjoy dinner with my family, but I found myself checking the clock and realizing only a few minutes would have passed. I got upstairs, started the class and was elated at the thought that I was apart of something that hundreds of thousands of people were doing at the exact same time. We were all focused and together and discussing and processing the same thing at the exact same time..... and guess what... technology has not quite caught up with mass consciousness. Within a few moments it was clear that my computer was not meant be apart of the process that night.

But that was okay.....because as it was discussed in the class, it doesn't matter if the collective group is present... it matters if I am present.

Anyway, I watched it tonight. It was opened my eyes to some wonderful concepts, helped clarify some things that have bounced in my head for years, and validated some things that I have already come to embrace in my life.

I am being so vague here, because, well, in my mind, the thoughts are happening much faster than fingers can type.

The biggest moment for me, I guess, would have to be asking the following question:

What does life want of me?
What does GOD want of me?

...not what do I want out of life or what do I want from God.....


What does GOD want of me?

The answers are in the stillness and do not always come right away.... patience.....

From the very first time I heard "God is trying to tell you something", the gospel hymn sung in the movie "The Color Purple", my soul was shaken to it's core. Every time the movie was on, I would turn the volume up and weep. Two years ago, I found it online and downloaded it onto a CD and listened to it in my car or during my workout, over and over and over...."When you can't sleep at night, and you are sure wondering why, God is trying to tell you something......SPEAK TO ME, LORD"

In the quiet, in the stillness, I would know what was being asked of me. If I didn't respond - the voice, the urge, the thought, would grow deeper or get louder. When I would finally answer, doors would open wide and big neon signs would light the way and opportunity would come dripping from the ceilings.

Well.... last year, the same situation happened. The voice, the dreams, the pressure to follow. I did. I reluctantly did, but I did, and again, open doors.

But then, it got ugly. I got to a door and it was closed. It was closed, dead bolted, and sealed around the edges. Uhm, excuse me?!? Knock knock? Did you hear the song? I am here.... I did what you said.... Do you see all those doors swung wide open behind me?? I think you are supposed to be doing that as well.... would you be so kind to open up?

No answer

Hey... stupid door... did you hear me?!?!? I have purpose, I have momentum.....OPEN UP!!!!

No answer

Great... just great. I must have gone through a wrong door I must have heard the voice wrong this time... way to go.... you screwed this one up.....

Well, no... no I didn't. This door is not meant to be opened yet. It is not time to open that door yet. I am not ready to open it and the room on the other side is not ready to be revealed. God would like me to stay in this room.

What does GOD want of me?

The answers are in the stillness and do not always come right away.... patience....

No comments: