This is what happens when I am not bound to anything and there is no deadline.... my blogging gets totally slacky... is that a word? Slacky..... if truthiness and woot can make it into the dictionary, surely slacky can too.....
Random bullets because it is the holidays and I haven;t posted in awhile:
- Big huge annual meeting at work is over. It nearly kills me every year because it is so overwhelming to gather and analyze the numbers, it is terribly boring and monotonous, and this year the numbers sucked so it was hard to report those numbers. I knew going in what the numbers were going to look like, but I always hate being right. I had the power point presentation done and loaded with only 15 minutes to spare before our advisory committee showed up. My mother was on my patooter every hour or so with... are you going to make it? Are you going to get done? And as I told her before, I will never be done. I will never have a project or show or anything that is done with plenty of time to rest before hand. I just can't do it. It is not in my nature...why, pray tell is that?? Because there is always room for more and there is always room for improvement. Truth be told, I was complete with the numbers long before 15 minutes before presentation, but I was constantly re-evaluating the numbers, pursuing the story deeper, and coming up with more things to report. As I sit here now, there are still things I want to know from those numbers.
- So 48 hours after said big meeting, I hosted the office Christmas party at my house... uh huh.. you heard me..... I like to cram it all in with no time for things like, oh I don't know.... sleep. It was great though, the food rocked and the people all showed up with their jingle bells on.
- I have bought no Christmas presents yet. This would freak most people out... but no.. not me....UPDATE..... I saved this as a draft before lunch and went shopping at lunch, so I cannot say that I have bought no gifts... because lunch was a haul!! I am clearly not done quite yet, so tomorrow I will arising at the crack of dawn before Mike leaves for work, to go and do some last minute shopping.
- We are going to visit my grandparents this weekend. They were supposed to come here, but my grandfather fell after a trip out to eat. He was fine, but the issue arose that if he is so tired after a quick trip to a cafeteria, how is he going to do traveling 3 hours and staying someplace he is not accustomed to for an extended period of time. I am sad they are not coming, but I am more sad that this is another reminder that things just will never be the same.
- if you don;t have a digital frame... get one! They are the coolest things I have seen in a very long time. My cousins, sister and I are all going gin on one for my grandparents. My grandma has always had a problem with too many picture frames of all the grandkids and great grandkids. Now that they are in an assisted living apartment, space is even more of an issue. i am solving this by having the families forward me pics that I am including in the frame... lots of pics... one frame.....priceless... problem solved.
- So I made a tomato basil bruchetta type thingy for the office today. I stopped at the store for the bread and then decided, well, it could be served with tortilla chips too... so I head over to that aisle... and well if we are having tortilla chips, we HAVE to have queso..... and if we have all this salty crunchy stuff, we HAVE TO HAVE something sweet, so I pick up some Christmas cookies... next thing you know I have made a mini brunch for my office staff.....
- Speaking of office staff, my assistant has quit as of next Friday.... pissy pants pissy pants pissy pants...... I cannot say that I didn't know nor can I say that I begged her to stay, but it still is crappy. She never wanted the job in the first place so I have spent the majority of the past year yelling at her to rise to the occasion or get out and she chose to get out. I am pretty sure that I am going to have to take some time to fix the bumps in the road in her position before we ever consider hiring a new person here.
Merry Christmas People...... I say this because I have no clue if I am going to find time to come back here before the big day......
P.S..... I just bought the boys this jungle gym dome thingy from Sam's .... you know, one of those dome triangular climby things that you see at playgrounds.....it is gonna be a bitch for Mike to put together outside on Christmas eve.......in the dark... in the cold.....and all those hexagonal screws..... yeah...sucks to be santa-daddy on Christmas eve.....
Friday, December 21, 2007
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Happy Birthday, Ben!!
My angel, Boo Boo Bear,
Three years old..... my goodness... three years old. I am still in amazement that MY BABY BOY is three years old.
But I cannot call you my baby boy, anymore. You make sure to correct me by reminding me that "I a big boy now!" And you are. You breezed through potty training, you dress yourself, and you will always try to do something by yourself first before asking for help... "I do it, I do it" is the most common phrase in your very large repertoire.
In the past few weeks, you have run head strong into your big boy shoes. You know what you want, how you want it and when you want it. Your sentences and thoughts are clear, and there is no confusing your opinion with your brother's opinion... because most of the time, it is usually the complete opposite. You two can have a heated debate over the correct sound an ambulance makes and follow it up with a friendly game of "I spy with my little eye...".
Max, your big brother, is your very best friend. The two of you cannot be separated. Even when you are fighting, you still manage to hug and say I love you ... and I still believe it. The other day, it was just the two of us in the car and you were talking about a little boy in your class. I asked if that boy was your friend, and you said, "Yes, but he not my best friend..." and I asked, "Well, who is your best friend?"... "MAX!!!"
If Max is your best friend, then daddy is your best buddy. You two have a relationship unlike any other father son relationship I have seen. There are a lot of times when you and daddy have taken off to the man store (Home Depot) or just to run some errands, and somehow time escapes you both and several hours later you are walking in with toys and treats and I am never really sure if you accomplished your original task. You are daddy's shadow from the moment you see his car parked in our driveway at the end of the day.
You are my teddy bear. There is no place you would rather be at night then in my arms. There have been many times when I have woken up in the middle of the night, and you have made it into our bed and crawled into my arms to snuggle up to my neck. If you are not feeling well, the only place that can comfort you is my lap. We have a kissing game that we love to play. It starts by me asking you if you know where my kisses are? You respond by pointing to you lips enthusiastically. I say that I don't believe you, and you show me by planting a big fat wet juicy kiss on my lips. I exclaim, OH THERE IT IS!!! I then ask if you want the kiss back, which of course you do, so I plant a big kiss on your lips. The you tell me, no mommy, you keep the kiss and give it back. We can go back and forth for forever giving each other kisses..... and you always close your eyes when we kiss... always. There have been a few times that I keep my eyes open and you open you eyes with frustration... no mommy...close your eyes!!!
I have to thank you, pumpkin, for coming into my life when you did. You were born right after your grandpa had died, and it was a very sad time for your mommy. I was so sad that I was a little worried I couldn't be the happy mommy I wanted to be for you. But when you came into our life shinning like a star, I had no choice but to instantly fall in love with you. And I know that you and grandpa never had the chance to meet here on Earth, but there is so much of him in you, that I feel blessed to be loving him through you.
I love you, angel.... every bouncing ounce if energy and every sweet kiss!!
Love,
Mommy
Three years old..... my goodness... three years old. I am still in amazement that MY BABY BOY is three years old.
But I cannot call you my baby boy, anymore. You make sure to correct me by reminding me that "I a big boy now!" And you are. You breezed through potty training, you dress yourself, and you will always try to do something by yourself first before asking for help... "I do it, I do it" is the most common phrase in your very large repertoire.
In the past few weeks, you have run head strong into your big boy shoes. You know what you want, how you want it and when you want it. Your sentences and thoughts are clear, and there is no confusing your opinion with your brother's opinion... because most of the time, it is usually the complete opposite. You two can have a heated debate over the correct sound an ambulance makes and follow it up with a friendly game of "I spy with my little eye...".
Max, your big brother, is your very best friend. The two of you cannot be separated. Even when you are fighting, you still manage to hug and say I love you ... and I still believe it. The other day, it was just the two of us in the car and you were talking about a little boy in your class. I asked if that boy was your friend, and you said, "Yes, but he not my best friend..." and I asked, "Well, who is your best friend?"... "MAX!!!"
If Max is your best friend, then daddy is your best buddy. You two have a relationship unlike any other father son relationship I have seen. There are a lot of times when you and daddy have taken off to the man store (Home Depot) or just to run some errands, and somehow time escapes you both and several hours later you are walking in with toys and treats and I am never really sure if you accomplished your original task. You are daddy's shadow from the moment you see his car parked in our driveway at the end of the day.
You are my teddy bear. There is no place you would rather be at night then in my arms. There have been many times when I have woken up in the middle of the night, and you have made it into our bed and crawled into my arms to snuggle up to my neck. If you are not feeling well, the only place that can comfort you is my lap. We have a kissing game that we love to play. It starts by me asking you if you know where my kisses are? You respond by pointing to you lips enthusiastically. I say that I don't believe you, and you show me by planting a big fat wet juicy kiss on my lips. I exclaim, OH THERE IT IS!!! I then ask if you want the kiss back, which of course you do, so I plant a big kiss on your lips. The you tell me, no mommy, you keep the kiss and give it back. We can go back and forth for forever giving each other kisses..... and you always close your eyes when we kiss... always. There have been a few times that I keep my eyes open and you open you eyes with frustration... no mommy...close your eyes!!!
I have to thank you, pumpkin, for coming into my life when you did. You were born right after your grandpa had died, and it was a very sad time for your mommy. I was so sad that I was a little worried I couldn't be the happy mommy I wanted to be for you. But when you came into our life shinning like a star, I had no choice but to instantly fall in love with you. And I know that you and grandpa never had the chance to meet here on Earth, but there is so much of him in you, that I feel blessed to be loving him through you.
I love you, angel.... every bouncing ounce if energy and every sweet kiss!!
Love,
Mommy
Because it is MY blog
Because this is MY blog.... I present to you the boys' Christmas production that will bore all of you to tears, EXCEPT, of course, maybe Grandma, Oma, and Tiff..... and maybe you, Christina....
Max in "All Around the World is Christmas"
Ben in "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer"
There is potential trouble in my future now that I am figurng our this technology...
Max in "All Around the World is Christmas"
Ben in "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer"
There is potential trouble in my future now that I am figurng our this technology...
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Please send prayers
Please go visit these wonderful people:
(****UPDATE***** Please be prepared that the most recent post from Alex's mother is very difficult to read, I know some of you read this blog at work, and I do not want you to be caught off guard.)
Alex's blog
I have silently witnessed this family's journey from Alex's diagnosis of brain cancer through their blog. His very long and courageous journey ended today.
I became attached to this family because their son Alex and my son Max were the same age. My heart ached for this wonderful woman as she candidly shared their story on a weekly basis. I prayed for healing everyday as I clicked their blog on my blog roll to check up on his progress. When the news turned for the worse, my daily prayers were to surround this family with love and support. Now my prayers will be for strength and courage to face each day without Alex.
God bless Alex Kasnoff and God bless the Kasnoff family.
(****UPDATE***** Please be prepared that the most recent post from Alex's mother is very difficult to read, I know some of you read this blog at work, and I do not want you to be caught off guard.)
Alex's blog
I have silently witnessed this family's journey from Alex's diagnosis of brain cancer through their blog. His very long and courageous journey ended today.
I became attached to this family because their son Alex and my son Max were the same age. My heart ached for this wonderful woman as she candidly shared their story on a weekly basis. I prayed for healing everyday as I clicked their blog on my blog roll to check up on his progress. When the news turned for the worse, my daily prayers were to surround this family with love and support. Now my prayers will be for strength and courage to face each day without Alex.
God bless Alex Kasnoff and God bless the Kasnoff family.
Monday, December 03, 2007
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.....
There are 2 questions you ask yourself when you are looking at a new home:
1. Can I make it my own?
2. How will I decorate it for Christmas?
It is these 2 questions that have entered my mind each and every time I have ever walked into a new apartment, home, etc. In my world, there are 2 different faces for a home, the regular face and the holiday face. I would honestly keep the holiday face on year round, if it was socially acceptable, but it is not, so I have to wait until late November-ish, early December-ish to haul out all the lights, glitz and glam that I decorate my house with.
The past weekend started on Friday night with a light dinner of scrambled eggs. We did not want to waste precious time with a messy dinner and long clean up. We brought all the boxes down in order for me to do a quick sweep of "Oh, yeah, I remember I have that" and "Oh gosh, I completely forgot about that" and "Wait, I did buy that last year in clearance!" Then off to the Garden Ridge to get the additional things needed. Moving into a bigger house this year, meant we needed more stuff.... more banisters to wrap with garland, more windows to put lights in, you get the drift.
Saturday was planning day. It is the hardest day in the process. It requires me to open and TAKE OUT all the crap in the boxes and decide where it is all going to go. I would randomly walk through the house with stuff in my hands trying to decide themes, plug access, do I have enough garland for both the window AND the door opening.... ya know, important stuff. Everything was laid out and then reassessed for what additional things were still needed. We had to interrupt the process to go to a house warming, but at least it got me dressed and out of the house once.
Sunday, go day. Sunday we were in a race against the clock to do the outside decorations before the rain started (FYI - we lost the race, but the rain did not deter us, just made us wet.) By 4 PM we were headed back inside the house to work on the inside,and at 11 PM, I was so exhausted I wanted to throw up.
I am almost there. Just a few minor things that need to be finished and the empty boxes put back up in the attic. I promise pics soon, just a little more tweeking before the final presentation.
1. Can I make it my own?
2. How will I decorate it for Christmas?
It is these 2 questions that have entered my mind each and every time I have ever walked into a new apartment, home, etc. In my world, there are 2 different faces for a home, the regular face and the holiday face. I would honestly keep the holiday face on year round, if it was socially acceptable, but it is not, so I have to wait until late November-ish, early December-ish to haul out all the lights, glitz and glam that I decorate my house with.
The past weekend started on Friday night with a light dinner of scrambled eggs. We did not want to waste precious time with a messy dinner and long clean up. We brought all the boxes down in order for me to do a quick sweep of "Oh, yeah, I remember I have that" and "Oh gosh, I completely forgot about that" and "Wait, I did buy that last year in clearance!" Then off to the Garden Ridge to get the additional things needed. Moving into a bigger house this year, meant we needed more stuff.... more banisters to wrap with garland, more windows to put lights in, you get the drift.
Saturday was planning day. It is the hardest day in the process. It requires me to open and TAKE OUT all the crap in the boxes and decide where it is all going to go. I would randomly walk through the house with stuff in my hands trying to decide themes, plug access, do I have enough garland for both the window AND the door opening.... ya know, important stuff. Everything was laid out and then reassessed for what additional things were still needed. We had to interrupt the process to go to a house warming, but at least it got me dressed and out of the house once.
Sunday, go day. Sunday we were in a race against the clock to do the outside decorations before the rain started (FYI - we lost the race, but the rain did not deter us, just made us wet.) By 4 PM we were headed back inside the house to work on the inside,and at 11 PM, I was so exhausted I wanted to throw up.
I am almost there. Just a few minor things that need to be finished and the empty boxes put back up in the attic. I promise pics soon, just a little more tweeking before the final presentation.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Goodbye Nablopomo
Oh you dear, sweet, NaBloPoMo ,
The time has come for us to end our little affair. Our daily "chats" have been a journey this past 30 days. I have enjoyed them all, even the weekend ones that were hard to remember. I was determined to stay committed to you, and I did. I will admit that there were times when the conversation was strained, and I had to think hard about what I wanted to say/share, but once you engaged me in this sweet little text box.... well.... the words and thoughts came flowing out.
I thank you for the excuse for the daily rant. Right before this affair, I was distant and unavailable, coming to this little part of myself once or twice a month, but like starting a good exercise program, this 30 day boot camp has helped me get back into the groove of one of my favorite pastimes. I cannot promise a daily post (those pesky weekends, with plans and families and such), but I will promise to try re-commit myself to this treasured journal of my life.
Enough of this crap..... I gotta get back to work......
The time has come for us to end our little affair. Our daily "chats" have been a journey this past 30 days. I have enjoyed them all, even the weekend ones that were hard to remember. I was determined to stay committed to you, and I did. I will admit that there were times when the conversation was strained, and I had to think hard about what I wanted to say/share, but once you engaged me in this sweet little text box.... well.... the words and thoughts came flowing out.
I thank you for the excuse for the daily rant. Right before this affair, I was distant and unavailable, coming to this little part of myself once or twice a month, but like starting a good exercise program, this 30 day boot camp has helped me get back into the groove of one of my favorite pastimes. I cannot promise a daily post (those pesky weekends, with plans and families and such), but I will promise to try re-commit myself to this treasured journal of my life.
Enough of this crap..... I gotta get back to work......
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Strangers
Conversation in the car today:
- Mommy, yesterday we talked about strangers at school
- I am gonna turn off the radio because I want to hear all about this
(Turn off radio, because this is an important conversation)
- Mommy, I am not supposed to talk to strangers, if a stranger talks to me, I am just gonna run away
- That is a very good idea
- I am gonna run to you or daddy, or grandma, or oma or opa or.... ( and the list continued of adults he knows and trusts)
- That is right.... you run away
- AND I am NOT going to take any candy
- Good boy
- Because the strangers put things in the candy that make you sick
- That's right, you never eat or take anything, toys or candy or anything, unless you ask me or any of those adults that you just said, and if we say it is alright THEN you can take the candy.
- Uhm, I will just take the candy but I won't eat it until I ask you, is that okay mommy?
- No, pumpkin, because you wanna know why? If you get close enough to a stranger to take candy from their hand, they may try to grab you and then you won't be able to run away.
- No... then I am just gonna run to you.
- That is a good idea
- And if a stranger comes up to you, you have to run to me, and I will protect you.
- That's right, we have to run to each other and protect each other.
- And I am gonna grab Ben's hand, too, and run, okay?
- That would be a wonderful big brother thing to do, I am so proud of you.
- Mommy, how do you spell "jingle bells"?
And with that, our "afternoon children's special" concluded.
- Mommy, yesterday we talked about strangers at school
- I am gonna turn off the radio because I want to hear all about this
(Turn off radio, because this is an important conversation)
- Mommy, I am not supposed to talk to strangers, if a stranger talks to me, I am just gonna run away
- That is a very good idea
- I am gonna run to you or daddy, or grandma, or oma or opa or.... ( and the list continued of adults he knows and trusts)
- That is right.... you run away
- AND I am NOT going to take any candy
- Good boy
- Because the strangers put things in the candy that make you sick
- That's right, you never eat or take anything, toys or candy or anything, unless you ask me or any of those adults that you just said, and if we say it is alright THEN you can take the candy.
- Uhm, I will just take the candy but I won't eat it until I ask you, is that okay mommy?
- No, pumpkin, because you wanna know why? If you get close enough to a stranger to take candy from their hand, they may try to grab you and then you won't be able to run away.
- No... then I am just gonna run to you.
- That is a good idea
- And if a stranger comes up to you, you have to run to me, and I will protect you.
- That's right, we have to run to each other and protect each other.
- And I am gonna grab Ben's hand, too, and run, okay?
- That would be a wonderful big brother thing to do, I am so proud of you.
- Mommy, how do you spell "jingle bells"?
And with that, our "afternoon children's special" concluded.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
1st Dentist appointments
Today we had our first dentist appointments and my kids rocked!!!! Well... the staff at the dentist office rocked which helped to make my children shine like rock stars!
I was just beaming with pride that both of them did so well. I was concerned with the whole invasion of personal space bit, because, come on, it is hard to let a stranger get that close and put their fingers in your mouth. I just cannot say enough about this office. They were all dressed up like elves, the entire office is kid friendly, everything was a toy or a cool star wars chair. Ben left with his entire chest of his shirt covered in stickers. They both got 2 tooth brushes each, one electric and one regular, toothpaste, floss, yadda yadda.... all things we have at our house... but THERE, at the cool dentist office... they were precious gifts and the coolest things they had ever seen.
And good news....we can stop funding the children's college funds of all the tooth paste makers of the world. Max hates toothpaste, so we have bought every version of toothpaste in every flavor available in hopes that he will find one he will like and we will not have to go down in the books for parental neglect. I asked the dentist what we should do, since he won't use toothpaste....Nothing..... uh huh, you heard me.... he said it is the act of brushing the plaque off, there is nothing magic in the tube.
Rock on!!! Good kids AND We are not bad parents.... this has been a good day!!
I was just beaming with pride that both of them did so well. I was concerned with the whole invasion of personal space bit, because, come on, it is hard to let a stranger get that close and put their fingers in your mouth. I just cannot say enough about this office. They were all dressed up like elves, the entire office is kid friendly, everything was a toy or a cool star wars chair. Ben left with his entire chest of his shirt covered in stickers. They both got 2 tooth brushes each, one electric and one regular, toothpaste, floss, yadda yadda.... all things we have at our house... but THERE, at the cool dentist office... they were precious gifts and the coolest things they had ever seen.
And good news....we can stop funding the children's college funds of all the tooth paste makers of the world. Max hates toothpaste, so we have bought every version of toothpaste in every flavor available in hopes that he will find one he will like and we will not have to go down in the books for parental neglect. I asked the dentist what we should do, since he won't use toothpaste....Nothing..... uh huh, you heard me.... he said it is the act of brushing the plaque off, there is nothing magic in the tube.
Rock on!!! Good kids AND We are not bad parents.... this has been a good day!!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Grinch-ing
Yesterday I pulled out the Christmas CDs in my car. Nothing sounded like something I wanted to listen to.
Last week, I bought the big papers to browse the sales and "what's hot this Christmas" ads, but didn't get through them because I don't have any money and don't plan to buy anything anyway.
Today I walk into my office and the Christmas decorations are up. My immediate response was to get pissed off because who the hell said they could put up the decorations and why are they goofing off on company time, and did it ever occur to them that maybe some one else may want to decorate as well?
Even though my wardrobe consists of a majority of red, perhaps I need to find some grinchy green sweaters to match my mood.
Again, I am not really sure what the hell is going on with me lately. I can't decide if I am depressed or if I am actually getting to the meat of some very deep down emotions and ... well.... they are just not real pretty.
Last night I started to talk to my husband about something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately (unrelated to him or our family), and God love him, before I even finished a sentence he was coming up with "solutions". I kept saying, "wait, let me finish my thoughts", and sure enough moments later, another resolution was ready for presentation. I finally raised my voice to him saying, "Catch a bubble!!! I don't want you to fix this!! I want you to listen to me!! I want to talk about it out loud!" He quickly smiled and said, "Oh, got it.... no lips, just ears...go ahead" I rambled on as we made dinner and cleaned the kitchen and at the very end he hesitantly says, "So, what did you finally come up with?"
MEN!!!! You just gotta love 'em!! They have great purpose in our lives, but bitching posts is not one of them.
I hate editing and withholding and that is what I am doing here. I am trying to purposely not go into details, but rather deal with what I am feeling and deal with how I got here. What steps did I take. What actions did I allow to happen that created this.
It is one of those situations when you are trying and trying and trying and you realize you are trying so hard that you stop and take a look at yourself and realize, what the hell are you doing? You are such an idiot! And you start second guessing yourself... have you been fooling yourself this whole time? when are you going to catch a hint?
And then you shake it off... no no no...it couldn't possibly be what you are imagining.... you are thinking too much again... it is what it is... state the facts and only the facts... and you look at the facts... and damn it, you are back on the roller coaster of how could you be so blind to the situation.
Okay fine... you don't like the situation... so change it. But how? Is there an easy way? No, there is never an easy way... well, there is, but it is usually not very successful.
Next thing you know I have thought myself into a vortex around the tub drain and I am arms and legs extended, holding on to the edge of the drain, fighting the water trying to get down the drain and yelling at myself.... GET OUT OF THE TUB!!!! Stop playing this game!!!
Last week, I bought the big papers to browse the sales and "what's hot this Christmas" ads, but didn't get through them because I don't have any money and don't plan to buy anything anyway.
Today I walk into my office and the Christmas decorations are up. My immediate response was to get pissed off because who the hell said they could put up the decorations and why are they goofing off on company time, and did it ever occur to them that maybe some one else may want to decorate as well?
Even though my wardrobe consists of a majority of red, perhaps I need to find some grinchy green sweaters to match my mood.
Again, I am not really sure what the hell is going on with me lately. I can't decide if I am depressed or if I am actually getting to the meat of some very deep down emotions and ... well.... they are just not real pretty.
Last night I started to talk to my husband about something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately (unrelated to him or our family), and God love him, before I even finished a sentence he was coming up with "solutions". I kept saying, "wait, let me finish my thoughts", and sure enough moments later, another resolution was ready for presentation. I finally raised my voice to him saying, "Catch a bubble!!! I don't want you to fix this!! I want you to listen to me!! I want to talk about it out loud!" He quickly smiled and said, "Oh, got it.... no lips, just ears...go ahead" I rambled on as we made dinner and cleaned the kitchen and at the very end he hesitantly says, "So, what did you finally come up with?"
MEN!!!! You just gotta love 'em!! They have great purpose in our lives, but bitching posts is not one of them.
I hate editing and withholding and that is what I am doing here. I am trying to purposely not go into details, but rather deal with what I am feeling and deal with how I got here. What steps did I take. What actions did I allow to happen that created this.
It is one of those situations when you are trying and trying and trying and you realize you are trying so hard that you stop and take a look at yourself and realize, what the hell are you doing? You are such an idiot! And you start second guessing yourself... have you been fooling yourself this whole time? when are you going to catch a hint?
And then you shake it off... no no no...it couldn't possibly be what you are imagining.... you are thinking too much again... it is what it is... state the facts and only the facts... and you look at the facts... and damn it, you are back on the roller coaster of how could you be so blind to the situation.
Okay fine... you don't like the situation... so change it. But how? Is there an easy way? No, there is never an easy way... well, there is, but it is usually not very successful.
Next thing you know I have thought myself into a vortex around the tub drain and I am arms and legs extended, holding on to the edge of the drain, fighting the water trying to get down the drain and yelling at myself.... GET OUT OF THE TUB!!!! Stop playing this game!!!
Monday, November 26, 2007
He is MY child
So I am sitting in my room ( I am often banished there if I want to watch any TV that is not animated), when Max wanders in, deep in thought....
Uhm, mommy..... can I talk to you? Daddy needs to get the ladder and go up on the roof and take that cage thingy off the chim-in-ey so Santa can come down with the presents.
Blank stare... blink .. blink....
Well, you know what? You know Daddy's tool belt? Well Santa wears one when he is working too and he has one of those electric screw drivers on it, so in case he comes to a house like ours, he can zip zip zip it off, come down the chimney, then zip, zip zip it right back on before he goes to the next house.
Light bulb
Oh..... Okay.....
and he walks out of the room.
That child keeps us on our toes.
Uhm, mommy..... can I talk to you? Daddy needs to get the ladder and go up on the roof and take that cage thingy off the chim-in-ey so Santa can come down with the presents.
Blank stare... blink .. blink....
Well, you know what? You know Daddy's tool belt? Well Santa wears one when he is working too and he has one of those electric screw drivers on it, so in case he comes to a house like ours, he can zip zip zip it off, come down the chimney, then zip, zip zip it right back on before he goes to the next house.
Light bulb
Oh..... Okay.....
and he walks out of the room.
That child keeps us on our toes.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
The 7 year itch
My dearest Ta Ta,
Today we begin our 7 year itch, and I am still itching for only you!
Happy Anniversary!
I love you!
Princess P.
Today we begin our 7 year itch, and I am still itching for only you!
Happy Anniversary!
I love you!
Princess P.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
The great switcheroo...
So I am blessed in that my sister loves to shop and she has a child the same sex as my children and older than my children. This blessing means that I have never really had to purchase a lot of clothes for my children as they are willed down the line.
The next great blessing is that my best friend has a same sex ( now TWO same sex) children as I do which means I am not required to figure out what to do with all the clothes once my children have out grown them... they will just be willed down to the next 2 boys in line.
The sucky part of this whole scenario is having to do the big switcheroo every season (the 2 we have here in Texas, hot and not so hot). I decided to take advantage of the big table that seats 12 to spread out all the clothes. There are 7 different catagories
Max later
Max now
Ben later
Ben now
Jimmy later
Jimmy now
Kellen - eventually (because we missed these outfits when they should have been sent to Jimmy, but are probably too late now or out of season)
I am half way through the process and all I want to do is go take a nap.
The next great blessing is that my best friend has a same sex ( now TWO same sex) children as I do which means I am not required to figure out what to do with all the clothes once my children have out grown them... they will just be willed down to the next 2 boys in line.
The sucky part of this whole scenario is having to do the big switcheroo every season (the 2 we have here in Texas, hot and not so hot). I decided to take advantage of the big table that seats 12 to spread out all the clothes. There are 7 different catagories
Max later
Max now
Ben later
Ben now
Jimmy later
Jimmy now
Kellen - eventually (because we missed these outfits when they should have been sent to Jimmy, but are probably too late now or out of season)
I am half way through the process and all I want to do is go take a nap.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Ahhhh, chickie na na.....
Quick side note to begin, "chickie na na" was the first of many made up slangs created to substitute my ever loving habit of talking like a Long Island Shoreman.
This particular moment of "lady like" cursing brought to you by the fact that post thanksgiving nap, Ben woke up just wailing. It took me 45 minutes to calm him down so that I could ask what was wrong. Being the attentive mother that I was during thanksgiving preparations, I had brushed off his, "I have a boo boo....it's bleeding!" cries all day as he pointed to his face. I just thought is was one of his tactics to get a spiderman bandaid. Well, once he stopped crying long enough to point to "where it hurt" and he pointed to the side of his face, I realized, oh chickie na na.... his tonsils again. It was at this point that I remember the days events and how he had not eaten much, and no it probably wasn't our cooking or choice of menu, rather a "boo boo" that hurts like hell.
I open his mouth and take a flash light to look and sure enough, his tonsil is so huge it is gagging him. I give him some motrin and send daddy to the Exxon for an icee to help soothe the pain..... get 2 because I am sure that when Max wakes up he will want one too....
About an hour post Max waking up and having his icee.... he throws up.... big violent through the nose throw up.
Where, pray tell, is daddy during all this fun? Nursing a headache in bed.
That's right people... all my boys were down for the count.... but not me.... I am still standing... well sitting here at work today.
Today seems to be better, but daddy took Ben to the MD and he said he has an ear infection. So now we are on an antibiotic and hoping that whatever little bug is wandering through my youngest child finds the exit quickly before we have to take any drastic measures.
This particular moment of "lady like" cursing brought to you by the fact that post thanksgiving nap, Ben woke up just wailing. It took me 45 minutes to calm him down so that I could ask what was wrong. Being the attentive mother that I was during thanksgiving preparations, I had brushed off his, "I have a boo boo....it's bleeding!" cries all day as he pointed to his face. I just thought is was one of his tactics to get a spiderman bandaid. Well, once he stopped crying long enough to point to "where it hurt" and he pointed to the side of his face, I realized, oh chickie na na.... his tonsils again. It was at this point that I remember the days events and how he had not eaten much, and no it probably wasn't our cooking or choice of menu, rather a "boo boo" that hurts like hell.
I open his mouth and take a flash light to look and sure enough, his tonsil is so huge it is gagging him. I give him some motrin and send daddy to the Exxon for an icee to help soothe the pain..... get 2 because I am sure that when Max wakes up he will want one too....
About an hour post Max waking up and having his icee.... he throws up.... big violent through the nose throw up.
Where, pray tell, is daddy during all this fun? Nursing a headache in bed.
That's right people... all my boys were down for the count.... but not me.... I am still standing... well sitting here at work today.
Today seems to be better, but daddy took Ben to the MD and he said he has an ear infection. So now we are on an antibiotic and hoping that whatever little bug is wandering through my youngest child finds the exit quickly before we have to take any drastic measures.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
A Blessed Thanksgiving to all of you....
I am blessed, truly blessed.
I give thanks this day for all of my blessings and I wish all of you a wonderful day surrounded by the ones you love.
Thank you, thank you, thank you........
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Preparations
Last night our house was a buzz with preparations for tomorrow's big chow down with the family. Ben was king of the toaster - he enthusiastically toasted every piece of bread in the loaf (for the stuffing). Max helped me make corn bread and rice krispy treats. Mike was cleaning the kitchen (and behind us) the whole time all while we all rocked out to the radio. It was so much fun. The kids were just exploding with excitement. Then came the time to cut the "tester" piece out of the corn bread, ya know the first piece that makes sure it is good for everyone else to eat, and the boys were hoping up and down to get a bite, and I just lost it. I got very teary eyed and tried quickly to clean myself up and not ruin the moment.
You see... that first slice of corn bread is my dad's slice. He always made the cornbread, and when you lifted the foil off of the pan when it was time to make the dressing, there was always one slice missing, the "tester" piece. I hate that black cloud for being there. That black cloud that never goes away. The cloud that says no matter how fabulous the moment, no matter how wonderful it is to make new memories, it will always be 99%. It can never be 100% again. I have often wanted to talk to people who go threw this to see if this is true for everyone or if it is just me. I think this is a silent understood misery that those who belong to "the club" have and it is just not spoken about.
So many mixed emotions. Thankfully way more happy ones than sad ones. I was up late mopping the floors and cleaning the house. I got excited about my idea of putting all 12 people in our family around one table, that I asked Mike to help me set up the table so I could just see if my idea was going to work, and sure enough it did. I didn't completely set the table, but I sort of put things the way I think I want the center piece to be laid out, etc. As I was doing it, I was a little concerned that maybe I was going a little too fancy or over the top for our very young families. I went to bed late and exhausted. At about 3 in the morning, Max came downstairs with a bad dream and climbed into bed with us. I got up and went into the bathroom... a few moments later, my dreary eyed pumpkin followed me in the bathroom and sleepily stands in front of me:
"Uhm, mommy.... You know that big table you put up out there? I saw it .... it is soooo beautiful....."
He rubbed his eyes and went back to our bed.
I knew in that moment that making new memories ... making them special and big and over the top.... are worth it. They do notice.... even the little ones.
This morning as I walked out of the bedroom I saw he and his brother walking around the huge table discussing where everyone was going to sit.
Max: This will be the boys' side, and that will be the girls' side
Ben: Don't forget GRANDMA!!!!
Yep..... it's all worth it .....
You see... that first slice of corn bread is my dad's slice. He always made the cornbread, and when you lifted the foil off of the pan when it was time to make the dressing, there was always one slice missing, the "tester" piece. I hate that black cloud for being there. That black cloud that never goes away. The cloud that says no matter how fabulous the moment, no matter how wonderful it is to make new memories, it will always be 99%. It can never be 100% again. I have often wanted to talk to people who go threw this to see if this is true for everyone or if it is just me. I think this is a silent understood misery that those who belong to "the club" have and it is just not spoken about.
So many mixed emotions. Thankfully way more happy ones than sad ones. I was up late mopping the floors and cleaning the house. I got excited about my idea of putting all 12 people in our family around one table, that I asked Mike to help me set up the table so I could just see if my idea was going to work, and sure enough it did. I didn't completely set the table, but I sort of put things the way I think I want the center piece to be laid out, etc. As I was doing it, I was a little concerned that maybe I was going a little too fancy or over the top for our very young families. I went to bed late and exhausted. At about 3 in the morning, Max came downstairs with a bad dream and climbed into bed with us. I got up and went into the bathroom... a few moments later, my dreary eyed pumpkin followed me in the bathroom and sleepily stands in front of me:
"Uhm, mommy.... You know that big table you put up out there? I saw it .... it is soooo beautiful....."
He rubbed his eyes and went back to our bed.
I knew in that moment that making new memories ... making them special and big and over the top.... are worth it. They do notice.... even the little ones.
This morning as I walked out of the bedroom I saw he and his brother walking around the huge table discussing where everyone was going to sit.
Max: This will be the boys' side, and that will be the girls' side
Ben: Don't forget GRANDMA!!!!
Yep..... it's all worth it .....
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Woman of the world.....
So some interesting stats.... I swear I never do this by the way, so I am finding this hilarious that I did it again this week and found what I found.
Remember how I said earlier that I was huge in Canada and Spain... well today I am huge all over the world with hits from Canada, Australia, Italy, Brazil, United Kingdom and France.
And the most commom search phrase that leads people here? "Hearing voices". That's right people... this is the reference guide for those seeking counsel on hearing voices. Frightening I know.
Remember how I said earlier that I was huge in Canada and Spain... well today I am huge all over the world with hits from Canada, Australia, Italy, Brazil, United Kingdom and France.
And the most commom search phrase that leads people here? "Hearing voices". That's right people... this is the reference guide for those seeking counsel on hearing voices. Frightening I know.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Overload
I have that tired overload where I am thinking of a hundred things but only the first few thoughts or words of a sentence get out before I get distracted, I have a brain freeze, and require a re-boot. Like, as I was trying to think of things to write about in this blog:
Title: Traffic
You know the problem with traffic is that good drivers are required to share the road with bad drivers... if all the good drivers were just allowed to go about their law abiding ways, we wouldn't have to deal with the speeders and those who go below the speed limit who cause the traffic......
Title: Excited
I am getting excited about the family thanksgiving. I really dig making pretty meals for lots of people.....
Title: Never to early to learn about the pretty
I was concerned about bringing out the nice stuff (china, etc) for the kids for thanksgiving, but I am of the mind frame that you have to introduce the kids to the pretty stuff to start the memories. What is the point of having the nice stuff if you don't use it and what better time to use it then special occasions and holidays.
Title: Too much to do and don't want to do any of it
I have so much to do at work today and I do not want to do any of it. I want to go home, clean my house and start making things for Thursday. I don't want to upgrade the virus protection, I do not want to work on the big advisory board meeting, I do not want to work on the re-enrollment package, I do not want to make schedules or follow-up on patients.... I want to fold napkins.....
grrr...... going to work.............
Title: Traffic
You know the problem with traffic is that good drivers are required to share the road with bad drivers... if all the good drivers were just allowed to go about their law abiding ways, we wouldn't have to deal with the speeders and those who go below the speed limit who cause the traffic......
Title: Excited
I am getting excited about the family thanksgiving. I really dig making pretty meals for lots of people.....
Title: Never to early to learn about the pretty
I was concerned about bringing out the nice stuff (china, etc) for the kids for thanksgiving, but I am of the mind frame that you have to introduce the kids to the pretty stuff to start the memories. What is the point of having the nice stuff if you don't use it and what better time to use it then special occasions and holidays.
Title: Too much to do and don't want to do any of it
I have so much to do at work today and I do not want to do any of it. I want to go home, clean my house and start making things for Thursday. I don't want to upgrade the virus protection, I do not want to work on the big advisory board meeting, I do not want to work on the re-enrollment package, I do not want to make schedules or follow-up on patients.... I want to fold napkins.....
grrr...... going to work.............
Sunday, November 18, 2007
We are back....
See... that is how quick the quick trip was..... most of you probably didn't even notice as you don't visit here weekends.... most of you don't visit at all according to an article I read in the paper this weekend. It stated 99% of blogs live in complete obscurity with only once a month postings.... well not me, baby, I am on day 18 of 30 straight days of blogs and I am HUGE in Canada and Spain according to my stat counter... we are talking like 2, maybe 3 hits a quarter people!!!
Anyway, the 6 hours in the car back and forth on this trip allowed for some pre-holiday discussions with my mom (and sister via cell)... Mike just nodded and said "yeah, uh, huh, whatever" from the driver seat....
Mike and I will be hosting Thanksgiving. Mom will spend the night the night before to help. I am determined to get all 12 people in our combined families around one table and thanks to my new house and creative genius, I am pretty much sure it is going to happen.
My grandparents are going to come for Christmas. This is HUGE as they are in their 90's-late 80's and several hours away. I REALLY hope this happens. They miss out on so many holidays because they wouldn't come here and there is no place there for all of us to come and prepare a traditional holiday dinner, so we are stuck with weekends like this one were we go down, eat at a cafeteria ( they have to see the food they are buying, no ordering off menus for them) and then coming home. It is just not the same.
I am so freaking tired..... after a quick trip, mom and I decide to go get the shopping done tonight so we have it out of the way... I am glad we did it, because now it is out of the way, but, whoa doggies, are my dogs barking!
Anyway, the 6 hours in the car back and forth on this trip allowed for some pre-holiday discussions with my mom (and sister via cell)... Mike just nodded and said "yeah, uh, huh, whatever" from the driver seat....
Mike and I will be hosting Thanksgiving. Mom will spend the night the night before to help. I am determined to get all 12 people in our combined families around one table and thanks to my new house and creative genius, I am pretty much sure it is going to happen.
My grandparents are going to come for Christmas. This is HUGE as they are in their 90's-late 80's and several hours away. I REALLY hope this happens. They miss out on so many holidays because they wouldn't come here and there is no place there for all of us to come and prepare a traditional holiday dinner, so we are stuck with weekends like this one were we go down, eat at a cafeteria ( they have to see the food they are buying, no ordering off menus for them) and then coming home. It is just not the same.
I am so freaking tired..... after a quick trip, mom and I decide to go get the shopping done tonight so we have it out of the way... I am glad we did it, because now it is out of the way, but, whoa doggies, are my dogs barking!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Quick trip
There is no such thing as a quick trip.....
Why does it seem like it takes longer to pack for trips like these than the actual amount of time we will be gone?
Why is it impossible for me to pack only what I need rather than pack for the what if's that we all know will not happen unless I do not prepare for them?
Crying children, yelling husband.... I am so looking forward to the next three hours trapped in car with this group.....
Why does it seem like it takes longer to pack for trips like these than the actual amount of time we will be gone?
Why is it impossible for me to pack only what I need rather than pack for the what if's that we all know will not happen unless I do not prepare for them?
Crying children, yelling husband.... I am so looking forward to the next three hours trapped in car with this group.....
Friday, November 16, 2007
Pantie wad venting....
So there are a few things that have been on the news here in Houston that have had my panties in a wad:
The man who shot and killed 2 burglars in his neighbors yard: Yesterday I heard the 9-11 tape where the man and the operator conversed for several minutes as he taunted and cocked his shot gun prior to going outside and fatally wounding the burglars. It was very clear this was not a situation of a man who quickly picked up a gun and "defended" himself. This was a man who noticed what was going on outside his window, called 9-11, got his gun, talked to the 9-11 operator for several minutes trying to psyche himself up to do something, and then, even though the operator pleaded for him to stay inside and that the police were on their way, went outside and killed 2 men.
The Temple murder trial: This is such a sad story. It is a story of a local high school teacher/coach who murdered his wife who was 8 months pregnant who was also a high school teacher, by killing her execution style with a shot gun and staging it as a burglary. He even established an alibi by taking his then 2 yr old son to 2 different stores and making sure that he was clearly on the security camera, stayed a few minutes then exited to go to another store. I do not know much about this story, but I was home yesterday when the verdict was read and the family of the victim was spoken to outside the courthouse. It was apparently a brutal situation for the family because they were not the most educated or high class individuals in town, they were just good down to Earth people. They refused to let this go. They refused to allow this case to go unsolved while the suspected husband married the mistress he was seeing during the murder, and completely isolate them from their grandson for 9 years. After all this was done, after the verdict was read, all they said was "Thank you" and "no comment" when reporters tried to poke and prod nasty comments out of them concerning the convicted husband, these people who were openly called trash throughout the testimony stood there and silently wept and said "Thank you."
The Hotel collapse: So there is a home video that looks like there is a person in a building right before it is demolished. I saw the video, and I cannot tell what i see, but I see something. My first reaction was that it looked like a ghost. Apparently the FBI who is investigating this video concedes that when enhanced and running, it looks like a person running, but when they stop and go frame by frame, there is nothing there... like I said.... ghost.....
The man who shot and killed 2 burglars in his neighbors yard: Yesterday I heard the 9-11 tape where the man and the operator conversed for several minutes as he taunted and cocked his shot gun prior to going outside and fatally wounding the burglars. It was very clear this was not a situation of a man who quickly picked up a gun and "defended" himself. This was a man who noticed what was going on outside his window, called 9-11, got his gun, talked to the 9-11 operator for several minutes trying to psyche himself up to do something, and then, even though the operator pleaded for him to stay inside and that the police were on their way, went outside and killed 2 men.
The Temple murder trial: This is such a sad story. It is a story of a local high school teacher/coach who murdered his wife who was 8 months pregnant who was also a high school teacher, by killing her execution style with a shot gun and staging it as a burglary. He even established an alibi by taking his then 2 yr old son to 2 different stores and making sure that he was clearly on the security camera, stayed a few minutes then exited to go to another store. I do not know much about this story, but I was home yesterday when the verdict was read and the family of the victim was spoken to outside the courthouse. It was apparently a brutal situation for the family because they were not the most educated or high class individuals in town, they were just good down to Earth people. They refused to let this go. They refused to allow this case to go unsolved while the suspected husband married the mistress he was seeing during the murder, and completely isolate them from their grandson for 9 years. After all this was done, after the verdict was read, all they said was "Thank you" and "no comment" when reporters tried to poke and prod nasty comments out of them concerning the convicted husband, these people who were openly called trash throughout the testimony stood there and silently wept and said "Thank you."
The Hotel collapse: So there is a home video that looks like there is a person in a building right before it is demolished. I saw the video, and I cannot tell what i see, but I see something. My first reaction was that it looked like a ghost. Apparently the FBI who is investigating this video concedes that when enhanced and running, it looks like a person running, but when they stop and go frame by frame, there is nothing there... like I said.... ghost.....
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