Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Dreams

I am one of the believers that dreams are more than random moving pictures in the night, (or day for those of you lucky bastards who get naps!). I believe that sometimes it is merely the filing of recent incidents that have occurred. I believe that sometimes it is a way for our own levels of consciousness to speak to one another. I also believe that it is a from of communication from God, angels, spirits of loved ones, etc. I have 2 interesting dreams to share...
My mother called me today and said that she had a wonderful dream last night. She and my father were up in New York (where my father was born) visiting family. He looked wonderful! He was a little thick in the middle, but he had the healthy, happy look he had for most of his life. He was having the best time visiting with the friends and family that were gathered. My mom walked up to him and said how wonderful he looked and how happy he seemed when he turned to her and gave her a huge hug and said, "Thank you! You helped me find God! I found Him!" My father was not a very religious man, spiritual, yes, but church-going bible-beating sermons were not his thing. He preferred to golf with the priests rather than listen to the sermon on the mount. Towards the end of his life, shortly before being diagnosed with cancer, he started attending church with my mom, every Sunday that he was well enough to attend. I am not sure if he did it for himself or my mom, but it became very special to my mother. I am so glad that my father was able to come to her last night and let her know how things had worked out!
My other dream to share was not so uplifting....
The other night I had this horrible on-going nightmare that I could not wake up from...literally could not wake up. I kept telling myself in the dream that it was just a nightmare and I needed to just open my eyes and it would all go away..."Becky..please open you eyes... just open your eyes!!" The dream would go black and I would get a new vision, but then I quickly realized that I was not awake yet, just in another horrible dream. In one of the dreams I was very young, in Nazi Germany and the little village I was in was destroyed and on fire. This evil Nazi officer comes up to me and says, "You see that over there..." (pointing the ground that had obviously been recently dug up) "...that is where the bodies are buried. I am telling you this because when the dogs start digging there, you will know they smell the dead bodies and are trying to dig up there bones!" WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I was pleasding with myself to wake up...."Becky, remember what you did yesterday, remember what you were wearing so that you know this is just a dream and you can wake up!" I wasn't scared about the dream as much as I was scared that I didn't know how to wake up or what waking up meant...
... as I am writing this I realize that I am sure this is left over bull-s*&t from my father's death. I think I am starting to get to the "bored and pissy phase" of the grieving process... I am tired of greiving... I am tired of being sad... I am tired of going to family functions and having people ask, "How is your mother... really?" How the f#@k do you think she is?!?! If you really cared you would call or ask her yourself... and don't just call her to re-hash old memories... how's about calling her to make plans to start some new ones?
...so maybe the nightmares are just my inner child rebelling a little, ya think?!?

1 comment:

Becky said...

I've had many dreams where I've spoken to people who've passed on and they let me know how things are going. I'm sure it was very calming for your mom, as it always has been for me (as freaky as it sounds).

As for your dream, that is a weird one. Maybe it is some kooky way of telling you to stop grieving b/c your Dad's in heaven? I have no idea.

I want to say the same thing whenever people ask that about my mom -- and they, too, never call her directly. I don't understand people's fear of it, and they will so regret it when their time comes to go through the same thing.