Monday, April 11, 2005

My tweenies are over!

So today is the last day of my 2nd round of tweenies… but instead of it being be-tween childhood and adolescence, it’s those years be-tween adolescence and adulthood. I think that your 20's are a time when God and society give you the title of adult but then send you out into the wild to find the tools and learn the lessons that will help you to live the rest of your life. Sometimes the lessons are fun and exciting, sometimes they hurt like hell, and sometimes you have to put your finger in the electric socket several times before you realize, “Damn… that hurt… I probably shouldn’t do THAT again!”
When I turned 20, I was a junior in college. I finally felt like I was apart of something rather than sitting on the outside looking in and wishing I was part of the “IN” crowd, whoever they were. I hit my 20’s with an empty cockiness that I filled with lots of smoke and mirrors. Then some wonderful people cleaned off the mirrors and made me take a really good look at myself in the mirror and face some old demons head on. Thanks to them I found an inner confidence. I also had amazing mentors who allowed my inner light to shine and then made sure to not only recognize my talents, but nurture and encourage them to grow. I made some life long friends … those friends that you know will always be there even when time and circumstance may seem like they are too far away ever to reach again.
After college, I had an inner voice screaming in my ear to make a major change… I had to move to New York… even though I had never gone and had no clue what life would be like up there. Every time I pushed the voice away or pretended like it was not there, it would just pound a little harder inside my head. When I tried to explain it to my family and friends, I said, “I have no idea why I am going, I just know that I have got to go!” What an amazing experience! It lifted me up, threw me on the ground, smashed my face in the grime, then made me open my eyes to the true spirit of the experience and fall in love. I learned how to live on hope, minimal cash, and the value of an extended family of friends. I learned to open myself to love and married a wonderful man from Brooklyn. I learned it is okay to change your dreams… come up with new ones… mourn the passing of old ones… then look forward to making the new ones come true. I lived the tragedy of witnessing thousands of lives being forever lost in the rumble of two collapsed buildings just blocks away, and in that tragedy came to the realization that being far away from my family was not where I wanted to be.
I found my family again… somewhere in my teens I lost touch of the importance of my family. I realized that my dad wasn’t just a stubborn asshole, but more a firm guiding hand to make sure that I learned from my decisions and without much harm. The six year difference between my sister and I seemed to get smaller and smaller when our lives became more and more alike. Instead of fighting over CD’s and clothes we bonded over husbands and pregnancies. I finally realized that I always end up following my mother’s advice, because she is always right! And while trying to find my own identity, I realized how much I want it to be exactly like hers. I learned the importance of strength and the grace of weakness as my mother, sister and I became my father’s steel magnolias caring for him during his illness and death.
I was blessed with the gift of my wonderful husband and two beautiful sons. With each one of their entrances into my life, my heart expanded 10 fold and grew with a love I have never known before. The lessons I have learned from them have brought both wisdom and entertainment… and I look forward to a lifetime of more lessons and experiences with all of them!
So goodbye my dear sweet 20’s… I shall remember you fondly! I am looking forward to 30. I do not want to be one of those people who just continue to celebrate the anniversary of their 29th birthday. I want to take those 29 years of life and keep building. I like what I have done so far, and I cannot wait to see what is coming ahead!




Bekah said...

Happy Birthday to YOU!

I think that 30 is the best.

Love you!

J said...

Welcome to The 30 Club! Hippo Birdie to you!

Becky said...

What a great post, Becky. I think it's cool that you understand that perhaps what you had in mind in your early 20s isn't necessarily the way you have to go. Things change, priorities change, as you learned in 2001.

Happy early B-day:)