Monday, August 16, 2010

Radio Silence

Radio silence is a funny thing. It can be deliberate or it can be unintentional. Either way - once you find yourself there it is terribly hard to break it. I often come by here to scroll my own blog roll list and see that last post sitting there with the date "MAY 26TH" and think - ugh... I should write something, anything... but then I can't think of anything to say or I have too much to say and no time or inclination to type it, so I just click the big red X in the upper right hand corner and move on with my day.

I came across an article in Oprah's magazine last week - it was something about everything going wrong and seeming like the world was crashing (I have to admit, I was glancing more than reading) but it said something that struck me - when nothing seems to be going right, the best thing to do it nothing. Practice intentional rest. Basically when it feels like the universe has placed a huge brick wall in front of you - stop trying to climb it, rock wall it, sledge hammer it, explode it, decorate it..... stop...... walk away. Make the intention to stop fighting the wall and take that time to rest. No, you are not expected to have the answer.... no, you are not expected to solve your own obstacles to world peace.

And so that is what I am doing. I cannot solve my problems right now. I can't. I do not have the time, money, knowledge, or wisdom to solve my ever growing wall of obstacles that seem to be blocking me right now. I am serving no good by staring at the wall, screaming at the wall, creating spreadsheets about the wall, ignoring the wall, pouting that the wall is blocking my view.... there is no value in these actions whatsoever.

So what am I going to do about it?

I don't know - I am going to surrender to the "I don't know". I am going to take deep breaths and say out loud - "Guess what, everyone?! .... I - Rebecca - DO - NOT - KNOW." And I am going to try my very hardest to mean it.

... and then I am hoping ... slowly..... the "know" will come back......

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