Is it possible to have an "Aha" moment and a "what the f*&%" moment in a 6 hr time frame?

Why yes... yes it is....

My "Aha" moment:
So I have been at a conference for the past 2 days. It is a working conference for a state wide quality initiative collaborative...blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.. I will give you a moment to catch up from the boringness of that statement. The point of this conference was to pick from a list of quality issues that you are willing to focus on over the next 15 months so that the state can take the data from over 1500 other home care agencies to see if issues are an agency issue or a government issue.
THANKS FOR HANGING IN THERE... I promise that there is a self reflective moment coming...
So I am in a working portion of this conference were we decide which issue we are going to do and what we are going to do about it. There are 4 members on our team... 4 very strong highly opinionated women. Of course we all want to focus on something different. My debating hat comes out and I am prepared to fight to the death until all parties not only join my opinion, but verbalize how much better my opinion is from their opinion. The debate gets heated and I start feeling my blood pressure and pulse rise, along with my tone and volume. I am seriously fighting now. And like a light switch, everything cools down. I sit back and ask myself," what the hell are you doing? Do you really care this passionately about what you are talking about or are you just pissed because they won't say you are right?" This is not that important. This is not a deal breaker. This is not life or death, so what the hell are you doing signalling the fight or flight adrenaline button for? Perhaps we should save this energy for more important things?


6 Hours Later

My what the f*&% moment:
So 2 months and some change after my accident, I get a call from my insurance company. Apparently the car in front of the car that I hit is suing for damages, bodily injury, and "pain & suffering".... for not just one, not just two.... but for 5 PEOPLE... two of which were children. They did not bother to make a claim with my insurance company, they went straight to a lawyer. They would not agree to bring their car in for inspection until yesterday. I am so upset I could just cry. No one left the scene in any distress... no one had their car towed except for me and that was only because the radiator was leaking and I was not allowed to drive it. I ask her what happens now? She says they look at the accident as a whole then make an offer. Apparently the decision is made based on total damage. My car had a lot of damage, she says, however the car directly in front of me had minor damage...$800 or so. I remind her that my car did not sustain "alot" of damage...it is a very expensive import and what was damaged costs a lot to replace. "Well, that's true..."
"Listen... bottom line...I take full responsibility for the accident... I screwed up... I admit that.... but if the car in front of me only sustained minor bumper and grill damage how the hell could I have caused major bodily injury and pain and suffering to 5 people in a Honda civic? Can 5 people fit in a Honda civic???"
"Ma'am... please do not worry... we will fight this... this is very common... We are not afraid to take them to court, but I do not think that will be necessary."
I am just upset because it is not fair... that's right, ladies and gentleman... I am sitting on the floor with my legs crossed pouting because someone is taking advantage of the situation. And I am going to have the ghost of this experience haunting me forever.... it will raise my premiums and brand me as a risk because I was involved in a major car accident that injured 5 people. Five people who walk away with 40% of some ridiculous amount of money that will end up paying all the doctors, x-rays, chiropractic bills, physical therapy and psychotherapy that was arranged through the lawyers' doctors to prove just how bad their injuries were!!!!
I just don't want to deal with this anymore. THIS WAS NOT A MAJOR ACCIDENT.... THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULDN'T DRIVE AWAY WAS ME....I lost my father's car. I am now driving my sister's old truck with cracked windshield, window washers that don't work, a window that won't roll down, a gas gauge that doesn't work even after I fill it with $50 worth of gas every week because the mileage sucks. My father's car wasn't worth much according to the insurance, and there is no way Mike and I can afford to purchase a new car when we are already living paycheck to paycheck.
I get it.... I f&^%ing get it....STOP....I AM ON MY KNEES.... I am up to my eyebrows in lessons right now....let's just resolve this one so I can start peeling the skin off the mountain of potatoes outside my mess tent of lessons.