Happy 10th Anniversary, my love!

Today I am thankful for you! And to show you how much I love you, I am going to make you a HUGE turkey feast! The fact that it is Thanksgiving is merely a coincidence....I swear.....

My Baby's 1st Day of School

He was up at 5:30.

He ran into our bed and snuggled for a few minutes then took off to the bathroom. Next thing I hear is the shower turning on..."Mommy I peed on myself, so I am just gonna take a shower!" Now what this means to my 5 yr old was he dribbled... and therefore it warrants an early morning 30 minute steam shower. Normally I balk at this and tell him to just go and get dressed, but today is special - today is his day - he has 2 hours until the bus arrives.... steam away!
He gets dressed, combs hair, breakfast, back pack, lunch box.... now we have 1 hour until the bus arrives. He comes and sits in my bathroom to watch me get ready.

Mommy..... I'm scared.

(stab)

I know - and it is okay to be scared today. Of course you are gonna be nervous about new things and taking the bus and new teachers and friends - but I promise you.... as soon as you get there.... you are going to start to have so much fun, you won't even remember that you were scared.

20 minutes until the bus comes....we head outside for 1st day of school pictures.


They start stiff....




...and move to casual...




....and end up just down right silly!




And then we wait....

And then Max kills me with this one:





I hand Ben a note to place in his pocket with all of his information - his name, his teacher, his class - and I instruct him to give it to an adult in case he gets nervous and forgets where to go. NO! I don't need it! Please, angel, for mommy! NO! I won't forget... I may forget the grade, but I won't forget my teacher... and I am just gonna ask someone if they are going to Mrs. K's class and then I will follow them... I am FINE!!

Wait ... is he going to kindergarten or college?

Okay, fine - but let mommy give you her kisses and goodbyes now, in case the bus comes - smoochy, smoochy - and then we hear the screech of the bus tires. I was kissing his cheek and felt him stiffen up.

Bus door opens - he races on so quick I barely get a picture. No chit chat with the bus driver - just straight to the very first seat, very first row. Mike and I say our hello's to the bus driver and introduce Ben, and then the doors close.....




and then he drives away....

....and then I cried and cried and cried......

I cried like the first time I dropped him off at daycare when he was an infant. I cried and said a prayer for all the adults that I am blindly trusting to watch over my angel and get him to where he needs to go.

And then I shook my head, wiped away my tears and begged Max not to tell Ben how much mommy cried, because I told Ben I wouldn't.

Mommy... you always cry....

I know, it is just because I love you and your brother so much!

Fast forward to the after school bus - and like a shot Ben was off the bus again and headed straight past us and into the house....




Ben.... BEN!?!?!

(daddy)... what was on his pants?

What do you mean?

There was a spot on his pants...

Oh no!!

I run inside... and Ben is pee-ing like Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds.

Ben - angel... are you okay?

Mommy... a little privacy?

Uhm, okay..... (I head to the kitchen and wait for him)

He walks out of the bathroom, sure enough - with the tell-tale "mark"

Angel - what happened? (motioning to his pants and hoping he is not forever traumatized)

What? (looks down) Oh... I really really had to go on the bus... but its okay! Can we go swimming?

(No trauma)

I don't think he went to the bathroom at all at school. I asked how his day was and he talked non-stop about his new friends and the teachers and all the new rules, and the pictures he drew...all in all, a total success!

... let's see how day 2 goes.....

'Twas the Night Before Kindergarten

Ugh.... I just totally blew the night before kindergarten!! Well, not totally, but pretty gosh darn close!!

So we have had a rockin' week - we have kicked "back to school" 's arse! We have vacationed a little, rested a little, organized a little, and for the first time ever - even in my own academic career -I can say we are relaxed and too cool for school.


So fast forward to tonight - started the night before school rituals: pack the lunch, brush teeth, blah blah blah.... then it is time for quiet time right before bed. I remember - hey wait - we have the " 'Twas the Night Before Kindergarten" book we got at pre-school graduation - we have to read that!! I find it and snuggle up with Ben who is uber excited:

'Twas the night before kindergarten,

and as they prepared,

kids were excited

and a little bit scared.

They tossed and they turned

about in their beds,

while visions of school supplies

danced in their heads.

Erasers and crayons

and pencils galore

were stuffed in their backbacks

and set by the door.

Outfits were hung

in the closets with care,

knowing that kindergarten

soon would be there.

In the morning it came -

school starts today!

Would the teacher be nice?

Would they still get to play?

Faces were washed,

and teeth were brushed white:

kids posed for pictures with eyes sparking bright.

I won't type the whole book - but you get the point. It goes on to talk about heading to school and being nervous and meeting the teacher and friends and .... then it gets to this part:

When what to her wondering eyes

should appear

but sad moms and dads

who were holding back tears!

Well - great!!! Let's just say it wasn't pretty! I tried .... I mean I tried really really REALLY HARD not to cry, but cry cry cry is what I did! The more I tried to stop, the worse it got .... the ugly cry! Ben reaches over and hugs me and I just smile and say how proud I am of him and what a big boy he has become and how excited I am for him and (teary eyed) he goes, "....but mommy... those aren't happy tears...." Oh pumpkin, YES!!! I promise you they are! Mommy is so excited for you! I promise you these are happy tears!!

So he leaps off his bed into a huge bear hug and we end up on the floor in a big snuggle/tickle/kissing ball (both with wet cheeks). I managed to pull it together and get him back into bed and tucked in with happy thoughts about the next day's adventure!

.... I am sooooo going to need to take something before the bus pulls up tomorrow!! Ben has already warned me that, NO - I cannot drive him to school, he will be taking the bus!... and ALL kissing and that stuff (motioning to my face, so I can ony imagine he means crying) has to happend BEFORE the bus comes!!

They grow up so fast!!

Radio Silence

Radio silence is a funny thing. It can be deliberate or it can be unintentional. Either way - once you find yourself there it is terribly hard to break it. I often come by here to scroll my own blog roll list and see that last post sitting there with the date "MAY 26TH" and think - ugh... I should write something, anything... but then I can't think of anything to say or I have too much to say and no time or inclination to type it, so I just click the big red X in the upper right hand corner and move on with my day.

I came across an article in Oprah's magazine last week - it was something about everything going wrong and seeming like the world was crashing (I have to admit, I was glancing more than reading) but it said something that struck me - when nothing seems to be going right, the best thing to do it nothing. Practice intentional rest. Basically when it feels like the universe has placed a huge brick wall in front of you - stop trying to climb it, rock wall it, sledge hammer it, explode it, decorate it..... stop...... walk away. Make the intention to stop fighting the wall and take that time to rest. No, you are not expected to have the answer.... no, you are not expected to solve your own obstacles to world peace.

And so that is what I am doing. I cannot solve my problems right now. I can't. I do not have the time, money, knowledge, or wisdom to solve my ever growing wall of obstacles that seem to be blocking me right now. I am serving no good by staring at the wall, screaming at the wall, creating spreadsheets about the wall, ignoring the wall, pouting that the wall is blocking my view.... there is no value in these actions whatsoever.

So what am I going to do about it?

I don't know - I am going to surrender to the "I don't know". I am going to take deep breaths and say out loud - "Guess what, everyone?! .... I - Rebecca - DO - NOT - KNOW." And I am going to try my very hardest to mean it.

... and then I am hoping ... slowly..... the "know" will come back......

Ben's Pre-K Graduation

Ugh... my baby.... my angel... my little one is heading off to kindergarten. He was so serious last night. Heading to the ceremony he could barely smile - "Hurry, hurry - we can't be late!!" Then once there, He was not that kid that smiled and waved to his family - OOOOHHH NO!! He was very attentive, hit every mark, sang out loud, and marched to and from his designated spot with military accuracy. Then afterwards, I was trying to get a picture with him, and he kept trying to manipulate my hands to do something - "Mommy (ugh-verbal sigh) MOMMY!! No! You gotta do this...." I then realize he is trying to do the handing off of the diploma pose! So freaking cute!!

May day! May day!

Good golly, Almighty.... May.... what the hell.... or hay (if we want to turn this post into a seussical post...get it? get it?!?!)

I am gonna ramble here, cause this more of a, you are such a bad mom that you can't remember crap, so make sure you blog about it here so you can read it later and say, SEE?!?! SEE?!?!? I remember... you were "x" years old when you did "y"!

MAX
My little soccer player. Thought for sure he would give up and whine about all the running by the second practice (mostly because that is my history with the sport)but nooooo - he loves it - he doesn't even want to quit when the ball hits him the face. He actually runs after the group , gets in there and gets dirty in the dog pile situations, and kicks it hard... clear accross the field. I have to say, I am quite proud.
He lost his first tooth last month - Easter weekend. He was playing with it and playing with it, but no luck falling out. He lost it in his sleep. He woke up Saturday morning with blood on his pillow and the tooth in his mouth - thank GOD he didn't swallow/choke on it! In all the hullabaloo of the Easter weekend festivities I actually forgot about it when he went to bed that night. I was trying to rush him to bed and he was wandering all over the place and I yelled, "GET TO BED!" .... "But, Mommy, I have to get the tooth ready for the tooth fairy!" A sudden rush of "OH CRAP!" fell upon me and I raced to my wallet praying for cash - which I never have. Luckily the back-up fairy for bad mothers slipped cash into my wallet to cover for the tooth fairy.
Max got insane allergies this year. First time for him. He was out 3 Tuesdays in a row - once for eyes swollen shut, once for asthma so bad that resulted in breathing treatments every 2-3 hrs, then the last Tuesday he was throwing up all over the place, which I think was related to all the medicines racing through his system.
His dual language schooling is going along swimmingly.... he has even gotten to the point where when he is talking to me about things that happened in school or conversations he had with his teacher, he has to tell it to me in Spanish because he is telling it so fast it is easier to speak in Spanish.

BEN
I was so gonna finish this post - but I didn't.... butt he next post is about his graduation... so scroll there....

Big Bang Fun!!

Last night the Catastrophic Theatre held a fundraising gala and honored a good friend of theirs and old friend of many of ours from college, Jim Parsons from the "Big Bang Theory!". Oh my my my my..... I had so much damn fun ....lots of wine, kisses, laughter and hugs from people I have loved for close to 20 years. I haven't been to any old school reunions, but last night was as close to a reunion as we could get! And it was such a thrill to see one of our own who has shot off like a rocket into the stars and get the opportunity to love on him and tell him how excited and proud we are of him.

These people mean so very much to me. It was with these people that I laid the ground work for the person that I am today. It was during the years I spent with these people that I stripped away the facade of childhood and started from scratch, working to become the adult I wanted to be. I had great success and great failure with these people and the love was the same whether I was on top of the mountain, or flat on my face.

And to my new friends I have been blessed to become associated with recently through this amazing theatre company, I am forever grateful to you as well. I have not had the opportunity to re-connect with my passion in a long time and my newly forming friendships with you have been an incredibly healing breathe of fresh air! You guys are an amazingly talented group of people and it is a pleasure to see you work!!

A great night..... a really really great night.......old and new!

NEW WORD ALERT: Napalapsy

Napalapsy: (Nah-puh-lap-see)multiple meanings

1. The inability to wake from a nap
2. Similar to narcolepsy, but less severe and more commonly suffered within the general population
3. The uncontrolled desire or need for a nap; eg: Dear Boss, I must leave work right now, I am suffering from napalapsy!

Origins: original author - Max, age 7.

Max comes to wake mommy from a nap in order to get ready for the rest of the days events. He is having trouble stirring her from her un-expected slumber in the middle of the day. The following conversation occurs:

Mommy - wake up! Mommy - we gotta go!! MOMMY!!
(grrr, snort, moan .... deep sigh, stretch)Oh, pumpkin, mommy is sorry - I am having a hard time waking up, I am suffering from narcolepsy.
Mommy, what's napalapsy?
Uhm - napalapsy is exactly what mommy is suffering from and now her new favorite word, THANK YOU!!

So, go forth, my peeps - and spread the news - there is a new word in our vocabulary, and it is good.....

Na-pa-lap-sy!

Thank you, Life....

So we had the talk last night.

yes....

THE talk.

With my boys... 7 and 5 yrs old.

I didn't WANT to have THE talk. I wasn't prepared to have THE talk. And thanks to my children's incredible ability to absorb, interpret, and regurgitate information, I wasn't able to sugar coat it with Mommy's and Daddy's love each other very much, they hug, and Tinkerbell appears shaking magic fairy dust, and God puts a baby in the mommy's tummy.... nope, not my kids.

So we are watching the new series "Life" on Discovery last night.
It is beautiful. The images are amazing and the facts are educational... maybe a little too amazing and educational. At one point they are talking about snakes. They are talking about how in Canada they hibernate below the freeze line and then they come up in Spring and lay around in a huge ball in the sun to stay warm because they are cold blooded creatures, blah blah blah... and all this happens before the mating season.

Well, I was looking down when all of a sudden I hear Max, "WHAT WAS THAT?!?!"
I look up and they are back to the snake pile. So I start talking about the cold blooded thing and how they have to snuggle to stay warm - and both of the boys start shaking their heads in this, nah nah nah nah, woman - that ain't what we are talking about way. I see Mike sitting behind them waving his arms in the air, like, uhm, no - you didn't see what we just saw. So what does this mother do in today's modern technology world? She reverses the DVR... Mike slaps his head. And then I see the 5 second shot - the mating shot.
Both of the boys simultaneously scream - "THAT!!! THAT RIGHT THERE!!! WHAT IS THAT?!?!?"
Well, (sigh....breath) that is a snake penis.
Ben adds - "He is stabbing him in the stomach!!!"
Uhm - no, he is not stabbing him in the stomach - they are making baby snakes.
You have to STAB each other to make babies?!?!
No - there is a hole there.
A HOLE?!?!?!
(Dear God, please help me)
Yes, a hole - remember how I told you that girls don't have a penis?
Yeah... but there is a hole?!?!
Yes (God help me, please stop asking questions)
And the baby goes in there?
Well, yes - it is different in all kinds of animals - sometimes it is an egg that the mommy sits on until the babies are born or sometimes the babies grow in the mommy's tummy and comes out later.
How does it come out of the hole?!?!
The hole gets bigger.
(Max)Oh, I know, I know, - it is like snakes when they eat, they can open their mouths up really big to fit stuff
(Ben) or crocodiles (shows me with his hands) only it is backwards - something is coming out, not going in.
Exactly.
Does it hurt?
Sometimes.
But we weren't born that way?
No - Mommy was sick - and the doctor had to go in through mommy's tummy and get you out, but most babies are born the other way.
Did it hurt?
No the doctor gave me medicine, so I didn't feel it.
Okay ....
Cool....

Back to the show.

I look over at Mike with huge saucer eyes.... I sooooo didn't think I would be having THAT talk this soon.

A call from school...

I just got a call ... from Max's school....
Is he sick? NO!
Is he hurt? NO!
Is he dead? HE IS GONNA BE!

...ring ring...
This is Rebecca!
Mommy...
Yes, Max... is everything okay?
Uhm, yeah... Mommy... at 12:00 , uhm ... well.. at 12:00 the fair, Mommy, it's over.
Yes, honey - I know - the book fair is over at noon today.
Yeah
Okay....
But mommy - I really want the book and the pointer and the....
MAX... we have talked about this - SEVERAL TIMES. You are not going to be able to get something this time. You get books all the time... your room is full of books...
BUT!!.. BUT!!!
MAX! NO!... Angel - I made this very clear - I am sorry you are not able to get something this time.
(.. whiny whimper....)
MAX.. listen to me very carefully... I DO NOT want to hear that you gave Ms. Rodriguez any problems today because you were upset about this.. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? If I hear that you cried, whined or acted in a bad manor in any way over this you will lose all TV and Wii privileges for the entire weekend!!! Do you hear me?
Yes, Ma'm.
I love you... now go back to class.
Yes, Ma'm, I love you, too....

click

I cannot believe that child had his teacher call me for this........I cannot believe he annoyed his teacher so much that her only recourse was to get him on the phone to me.....nice.....

Ode to Joy!!

The following Muppet moment of happiness is brought to you in honor of ME - PASSING my EC-6 Generalist Test!! Whoot whoot!! For those of you not in the education/teacher world - this is the test that I have to pass in order to be eligible to teach children in elementary school.

I have to say it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to study, stress over, and complete. Studying for over a month - a couple of hours a day, most weekends - then sitting in a test that took me 2 hours to complete and 1 hr to review. Hard, stressful, and now.... DONE!!!! These are the first steps in a very difficult road of transition for me... a very deep, powerful, emotional road of transition.

I am no where near the end of this road. In fact, I am merely on the corkscrew part of the yellow brick road out of munchkin land - ya know the part where you think you are walking in circles and just when you are about to give up because you are dizzy, the road gets a little clearer and straighter... but oh how it stretches so far out in front of you.... yeah - that is where I am right now. I am clearing my head from the stress of these first steps and trying to re-group so that I can make each step forward a positive and productive one.

But tonight... we celebrate ... we celebrate these first successful steps forward:

This ain't my 1st rodeo, kid......

I am getting ready this morning and Benjamin walks in to ask me a question that he already knows my answer will be no. I know this is about to happen because of the look on his face. The guilt-ridden 5 year old - "I have been thinking about this for forever (maybe 30 seconds) and I think I have worded it right so mommy will say yes this time" face.

Mommy - can I play the Wii?
No.
But mommy!!!
Benjamin - have you eaten your breakfast?
Yes!
Are you dressed?
YES!
Do you have your shoes on?
YES!!!
Is your homework in it's folder and ready to go the second mommy says it is time to go?
YES!! YES!!!
Okay - fine - but only Wii sports... do you hear me? No Lego Star Wars or Lego Batman - just Wii sports....
But but....
Then no Wii....
FINE!!!

He stomps out of the room.

A few minutes later, a smiling, guilty, "I got her this time" faced child comes in:

Mommy - There is no Wii Sports... I can't find it anywhere?!?!?!
Well, then there is no Wii...
But, but, I could play...
Ben - I said Wii sports or no Wii
BUT I CAN'T FIND IT!!!
Then mommy will come in there and help you.... (knowing full well it is in there)
Uhm.... wait... let me look one more time... (dashes out with a big grin)

Hollers back from the other room....

NEVER MIND, MOMMY... I FOUND IT!!!!

I snickered to my reflection in the mirror....Uh, huh, sure you did.....this ain't my first rodeo, kid.....

Uno momento con mi familia

Everyone was dragging this morning. Just one of those days, ya know? Even the dog wasn't interested in playing our reindeer games - he just laid lazily on his bed in our room lifting his eyes every now and again to acknowledge that he was still alive. Max was laying in our bed, eyes closed, hand hanging out of the covers - lovingly motioning for the dog to come over for the good morning petting ritual.

Woody was having none of it.

Max became a little more insistent - "WOODY!! (kiss, kiss sounds) Come here, boy!"

Again - nothing.

Max flung himself to a seated position and with swollen sleepy eyes started yelling at Woody:

"Yo hablamente contigo! Venga aqui! Andele, andele!! Yo soy serioso!!!"

Well.... the dog did nothing, but I started howling with laughter and Mike said, "Well, at least he is using it!"

Catch up letters....

Dear Math,

I forgot how much I dig you. I dig you because you only have ONE right answer. Generally, you have only ONE super secret formula to get to that right answer. Once you have figured out that super secret formula, you get the right answer over and over and over again. And then you feel like a rock star. If only life was that easy.

Thanks for the reminder,
Former Math Student



Dear 3 guys at the gym,

So yes, I gave you pissy frustrated looks at the gym the other night because just when I was ready to switch machines you took the only three available machines left making me do an extra 10 minutes on a machine that had already made my legs feel remarkably like spaghetti - after their 15 minute soak in boiling water. But I am sorry for the nasty look - you made me work out longer and harder than I have thus far and that is a good thing.

Yours truly,
Sweaty girl on the elliptical



Dear Biggest Loser,

You don't suck so bad this season. There is just enough drama to make it interesting, but not too much crazy or heartache to make it unrelatable. I enjoyed our date last Tuesday night as I spent the entire show working out watching you guys work out. Kind of nice. Maybe we can hook up again next week?

Best Regards,
Loyal fan and audition reject

P.S. Please, please, please stop with the infomercials during the show - PLEASE!!! - we are just not that stupid.

Dear Adam Lambert,


I think I love you. I am not positive - but you might be my perfect combination of gay fabulous, 80's hair-band make-up, musical theatre bravado and a super sweet glaze of Freddy Mercury magnificence. They jury is still out, but I am definitely smitten.

Luv,
New fan



Dear Blog,

Sorry I have been absent - I am trying so very hard to get back into the groove post holiday and I think I just might be there - maybe... just maybe......

With all my love,
your author

Happy New Year

Happy New Year....

yup.

New Year.... New Decade... new new new.

Clean out the old, clean up the messes, move on to the shiny new.

Let it go let it go let it go.

That which does not help, satisfy, complete, or nourish me....goodbye.

I am so done. For the first time in a really long time.... for realz this time.

Enough.