Goodbye Nablopomo

Oh you dear, sweet, NaBloPoMo ,

The time has come for us to end our little affair. Our daily "chats" have been a journey this past 30 days. I have enjoyed them all, even the weekend ones that were hard to remember. I was determined to stay committed to you, and I did. I will admit that there were times when the conversation was strained, and I had to think hard about what I wanted to say/share, but once you engaged me in this sweet little text box.... well.... the words and thoughts came flowing out.

I thank you for the excuse for the daily rant. Right before this affair, I was distant and unavailable, coming to this little part of myself once or twice a month, but like starting a good exercise program, this 30 day boot camp has helped me get back into the groove of one of my favorite pastimes. I cannot promise a daily post (those pesky weekends, with plans and families and such), but I will promise to try re-commit myself to this treasured journal of my life.

Enough of this crap..... I gotta get back to work......

Strangers

Conversation in the car today:

- Mommy, yesterday we talked about strangers at school
- I am gonna turn off the radio because I want to hear all about this
(Turn off radio, because this is an important conversation)
- Mommy, I am not supposed to talk to strangers, if a stranger talks to me, I am just gonna run away
- That is a very good idea
- I am gonna run to you or daddy, or grandma, or oma or opa or.... ( and the list continued of adults he knows and trusts)
- That is right.... you run away
- AND I am NOT going to take any candy
- Good boy
- Because the strangers put things in the candy that make you sick
- That's right, you never eat or take anything, toys or candy or anything, unless you ask me or any of those adults that you just said, and if we say it is alright THEN you can take the candy.
- Uhm, I will just take the candy but I won't eat it until I ask you, is that okay mommy?
- No, pumpkin, because you wanna know why? If you get close enough to a stranger to take candy from their hand, they may try to grab you and then you won't be able to run away.
- No... then I am just gonna run to you.
- That is a good idea
- And if a stranger comes up to you, you have to run to me, and I will protect you.
- That's right, we have to run to each other and protect each other.
- And I am gonna grab Ben's hand, too, and run, okay?
- That would be a wonderful big brother thing to do, I am so proud of you.
- Mommy, how do you spell "jingle bells"?

And with that, our "afternoon children's special" concluded.

1st Dentist appointments

Today we had our first dentist appointments and my kids rocked!!!! Well... the staff at the dentist office rocked which helped to make my children shine like rock stars!

I was just beaming with pride that both of them did so well. I was concerned with the whole invasion of personal space bit, because, come on, it is hard to let a stranger get that close and put their fingers in your mouth. I just cannot say enough about this office. They were all dressed up like elves, the entire office is kid friendly, everything was a toy or a cool star wars chair. Ben left with his entire chest of his shirt covered in stickers. They both got 2 tooth brushes each, one electric and one regular, toothpaste, floss, yadda yadda.... all things we have at our house... but THERE, at the cool dentist office... they were precious gifts and the coolest things they had ever seen.

And good news....we can stop funding the children's college funds of all the tooth paste makers of the world. Max hates toothpaste, so we have bought every version of toothpaste in every flavor available in hopes that he will find one he will like and we will not have to go down in the books for parental neglect. I asked the dentist what we should do, since he won't use toothpaste....Nothing..... uh huh, you heard me.... he said it is the act of brushing the plaque off, there is nothing magic in the tube.

Rock on!!! Good kids AND We are not bad parents.... this has been a good day!!

Grinch-ing

Yesterday I pulled out the Christmas CDs in my car. Nothing sounded like something I wanted to listen to.

Last week, I bought the big papers to browse the sales and "what's hot this Christmas" ads, but didn't get through them because I don't have any money and don't plan to buy anything anyway.

Today I walk into my office and the Christmas decorations are up. My immediate response was to get pissed off because who the hell said they could put up the decorations and why are they goofing off on company time, and did it ever occur to them that maybe some one else may want to decorate as well?

Even though my wardrobe consists of a majority of red, perhaps I need to find some grinchy green sweaters to match my mood.

Again, I am not really sure what the hell is going on with me lately. I can't decide if I am depressed or if I am actually getting to the meat of some very deep down emotions and ... well.... they are just not real pretty.

Last night I started to talk to my husband about something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately (unrelated to him or our family), and God love him, before I even finished a sentence he was coming up with "solutions". I kept saying, "wait, let me finish my thoughts", and sure enough moments later, another resolution was ready for presentation. I finally raised my voice to him saying, "Catch a bubble!!! I don't want you to fix this!! I want you to listen to me!! I want to talk about it out loud!" He quickly smiled and said, "Oh, got it.... no lips, just ears...go ahead" I rambled on as we made dinner and cleaned the kitchen and at the very end he hesitantly says, "So, what did you finally come up with?"

MEN!!!! You just gotta love 'em!! They have great purpose in our lives, but bitching posts is not one of them.

I hate editing and withholding and that is what I am doing here. I am trying to purposely not go into details, but rather deal with what I am feeling and deal with how I got here. What steps did I take. What actions did I allow to happen that created this.

It is one of those situations when you are trying and trying and trying and you realize you are trying so hard that you stop and take a look at yourself and realize, what the hell are you doing? You are such an idiot! And you start second guessing yourself... have you been fooling yourself this whole time? when are you going to catch a hint?

And then you shake it off... no no no...it couldn't possibly be what you are imagining.... you are thinking too much again... it is what it is... state the facts and only the facts... and you look at the facts... and damn it, you are back on the roller coaster of how could you be so blind to the situation.

Okay fine... you don't like the situation... so change it. But how? Is there an easy way? No, there is never an easy way... well, there is, but it is usually not very successful.

Next thing you know I have thought myself into a vortex around the tub drain and I am arms and legs extended, holding on to the edge of the drain, fighting the water trying to get down the drain and yelling at myself.... GET OUT OF THE TUB!!!! Stop playing this game!!!

He is MY child

So I am sitting in my room ( I am often banished there if I want to watch any TV that is not animated), when Max wanders in, deep in thought....

Uhm, mommy..... can I talk to you? Daddy needs to get the ladder and go up on the roof and take that cage thingy off the chim-in-ey so Santa can come down with the presents.

Blank stare... blink .. blink....

Well, you know what? You know Daddy's tool belt? Well Santa wears one when he is working too and he has one of those electric screw drivers on it, so in case he comes to a house like ours, he can zip zip zip it off, come down the chimney, then zip, zip zip it right back on before he goes to the next house.

Light bulb

Oh..... Okay.....

and he walks out of the room.

That child keeps us on our toes.

The 7 year itch

My dearest Ta Ta,

Today we begin our 7 year itch, and I am still itching for only you!

Happy Anniversary!

I love you!
Princess P.

The great switcheroo...

So I am blessed in that my sister loves to shop and she has a child the same sex as my children and older than my children. This blessing means that I have never really had to purchase a lot of clothes for my children as they are willed down the line.

The next great blessing is that my best friend has a same sex ( now TWO same sex) children as I do which means I am not required to figure out what to do with all the clothes once my children have out grown them... they will just be willed down to the next 2 boys in line.

The sucky part of this whole scenario is having to do the big switcheroo every season (the 2 we have here in Texas, hot and not so hot). I decided to take advantage of the big table that seats 12 to spread out all the clothes. There are 7 different catagories

Max later
Max now
Ben later
Ben now
Jimmy later
Jimmy now
Kellen - eventually (because we missed these outfits when they should have been sent to Jimmy, but are probably too late now or out of season)

I am half way through the process and all I want to do is go take a nap.

Ahhhh, chickie na na.....

Quick side note to begin, "chickie na na" was the first of many made up slangs created to substitute my ever loving habit of talking like a Long Island Shoreman.

This particular moment of "lady like" cursing brought to you by the fact that post thanksgiving nap, Ben woke up just wailing. It took me 45 minutes to calm him down so that I could ask what was wrong. Being the attentive mother that I was during thanksgiving preparations, I had brushed off his, "I have a boo boo....it's bleeding!" cries all day as he pointed to his face. I just thought is was one of his tactics to get a spiderman bandaid. Well, once he stopped crying long enough to point to "where it hurt" and he pointed to the side of his face, I realized, oh chickie na na.... his tonsils again. It was at this point that I remember the days events and how he had not eaten much, and no it probably wasn't our cooking or choice of menu, rather a "boo boo" that hurts like hell.

I open his mouth and take a flash light to look and sure enough, his tonsil is so huge it is gagging him. I give him some motrin and send daddy to the Exxon for an icee to help soothe the pain..... get 2 because I am sure that when Max wakes up he will want one too....

About an hour post Max waking up and having his icee.... he throws up.... big violent through the nose throw up.

Where, pray tell, is daddy during all this fun? Nursing a headache in bed.

That's right people... all my boys were down for the count.... but not me.... I am still standing... well sitting here at work today.

Today seems to be better, but daddy took Ben to the MD and he said he has an ear infection. So now we are on an antibiotic and hoping that whatever little bug is wandering through my youngest child finds the exit quickly before we have to take any drastic measures.

A Blessed Thanksgiving to all of you....

I am blessed, truly blessed.

I give thanks this day for all of my blessings and I wish all of you a wonderful day surrounded by the ones you love.

Thank you, thank you, thank you........

Preparations

Last night our house was a buzz with preparations for tomorrow's big chow down with the family. Ben was king of the toaster - he enthusiastically toasted every piece of bread in the loaf (for the stuffing). Max helped me make corn bread and rice krispy treats. Mike was cleaning the kitchen (and behind us) the whole time all while we all rocked out to the radio. It was so much fun. The kids were just exploding with excitement. Then came the time to cut the "tester" piece out of the corn bread, ya know the first piece that makes sure it is good for everyone else to eat, and the boys were hoping up and down to get a bite, and I just lost it. I got very teary eyed and tried quickly to clean myself up and not ruin the moment.

You see... that first slice of corn bread is my dad's slice. He always made the cornbread, and when you lifted the foil off of the pan when it was time to make the dressing, there was always one slice missing, the "tester" piece. I hate that black cloud for being there. That black cloud that never goes away. The cloud that says no matter how fabulous the moment, no matter how wonderful it is to make new memories, it will always be 99%. It can never be 100% again. I have often wanted to talk to people who go threw this to see if this is true for everyone or if it is just me. I think this is a silent understood misery that those who belong to "the club" have and it is just not spoken about.

So many mixed emotions. Thankfully way more happy ones than sad ones. I was up late mopping the floors and cleaning the house. I got excited about my idea of putting all 12 people in our family around one table, that I asked Mike to help me set up the table so I could just see if my idea was going to work, and sure enough it did. I didn't completely set the table, but I sort of put things the way I think I want the center piece to be laid out, etc. As I was doing it, I was a little concerned that maybe I was going a little too fancy or over the top for our very young families. I went to bed late and exhausted. At about 3 in the morning, Max came downstairs with a bad dream and climbed into bed with us. I got up and went into the bathroom... a few moments later, my dreary eyed pumpkin followed me in the bathroom and sleepily stands in front of me:

"Uhm, mommy.... You know that big table you put up out there? I saw it .... it is soooo beautiful....."

He rubbed his eyes and went back to our bed.

I knew in that moment that making new memories ... making them special and big and over the top.... are worth it. They do notice.... even the little ones.

This morning as I walked out of the bedroom I saw he and his brother walking around the huge table discussing where everyone was going to sit.

Max: This will be the boys' side, and that will be the girls' side
Ben: Don't forget GRANDMA!!!!

Yep..... it's all worth it .....

Woman of the world.....

So some interesting stats.... I swear I never do this by the way, so I am finding this hilarious that I did it again this week and found what I found.

Remember how I said earlier that I was huge in Canada and Spain... well today I am huge all over the world with hits from Canada, Australia, Italy, Brazil, United Kingdom and France.

And the most commom search phrase that leads people here? "Hearing voices". That's right people... this is the reference guide for those seeking counsel on hearing voices. Frightening I know.

Overload

I have that tired overload where I am thinking of a hundred things but only the first few thoughts or words of a sentence get out before I get distracted, I have a brain freeze, and require a re-boot. Like, as I was trying to think of things to write about in this blog:

Title: Traffic
You know the problem with traffic is that good drivers are required to share the road with bad drivers... if all the good drivers were just allowed to go about their law abiding ways, we wouldn't have to deal with the speeders and those who go below the speed limit who cause the traffic......

Title: Excited
I am getting excited about the family thanksgiving. I really dig making pretty meals for lots of people.....

Title: Never to early to learn about the pretty
I was concerned about bringing out the nice stuff (china, etc) for the kids for thanksgiving, but I am of the mind frame that you have to introduce the kids to the pretty stuff to start the memories. What is the point of having the nice stuff if you don't use it and what better time to use it then special occasions and holidays.

Title: Too much to do and don't want to do any of it
I have so much to do at work today and I do not want to do any of it. I want to go home, clean my house and start making things for Thursday. I don't want to upgrade the virus protection, I do not want to work on the big advisory board meeting, I do not want to work on the re-enrollment package, I do not want to make schedules or follow-up on patients.... I want to fold napkins.....

grrr...... going to work.............

We are back....

See... that is how quick the quick trip was..... most of you probably didn't even notice as you don't visit here weekends.... most of you don't visit at all according to an article I read in the paper this weekend. It stated 99% of blogs live in complete obscurity with only once a month postings.... well not me, baby, I am on day 18 of 30 straight days of blogs and I am HUGE in Canada and Spain according to my stat counter... we are talking like 2, maybe 3 hits a quarter people!!!

Anyway, the 6 hours in the car back and forth on this trip allowed for some pre-holiday discussions with my mom (and sister via cell)... Mike just nodded and said "yeah, uh, huh, whatever" from the driver seat....

Mike and I will be hosting Thanksgiving. Mom will spend the night the night before to help. I am determined to get all 12 people in our combined families around one table and thanks to my new house and creative genius, I am pretty much sure it is going to happen.

My grandparents are going to come for Christmas. This is HUGE as they are in their 90's-late 80's and several hours away. I REALLY hope this happens. They miss out on so many holidays because they wouldn't come here and there is no place there for all of us to come and prepare a traditional holiday dinner, so we are stuck with weekends like this one were we go down, eat at a cafeteria ( they have to see the food they are buying, no ordering off menus for them) and then coming home. It is just not the same.

I am so freaking tired..... after a quick trip, mom and I decide to go get the shopping done tonight so we have it out of the way... I am glad we did it, because now it is out of the way, but, whoa doggies, are my dogs barking!

Quick trip

There is no such thing as a quick trip.....

Why does it seem like it takes longer to pack for trips like these than the actual amount of time we will be gone?

Why is it impossible for me to pack only what I need rather than pack for the what if's that we all know will not happen unless I do not prepare for them?

Crying children, yelling husband.... I am so looking forward to the next three hours trapped in car with this group.....

Pantie wad venting....

So there are a few things that have been on the news here in Houston that have had my panties in a wad:


The man who shot and killed 2 burglars in his neighbors yard: Yesterday I heard the 9-11 tape where the man and the operator conversed for several minutes as he taunted and cocked his shot gun prior to going outside and fatally wounding the burglars. It was very clear this was not a situation of a man who quickly picked up a gun and "defended" himself. This was a man who noticed what was going on outside his window, called 9-11, got his gun, talked to the 9-11 operator for several minutes trying to psyche himself up to do something, and then, even though the operator pleaded for him to stay inside and that the police were on their way, went outside and killed 2 men.

The Temple murder trial: This is such a sad story. It is a story of a local high school teacher/coach who murdered his wife who was 8 months pregnant who was also a high school teacher, by killing her execution style with a shot gun and staging it as a burglary. He even established an alibi by taking his then 2 yr old son to 2 different stores and making sure that he was clearly on the security camera, stayed a few minutes then exited to go to another store. I do not know much about this story, but I was home yesterday when the verdict was read and the family of the victim was spoken to outside the courthouse. It was apparently a brutal situation for the family because they were not the most educated or high class individuals in town, they were just good down to Earth people. They refused to let this go. They refused to allow this case to go unsolved while the suspected husband married the mistress he was seeing during the murder, and completely isolate them from their grandson for 9 years. After all this was done, after the verdict was read, all they said was "Thank you" and "no comment" when reporters tried to poke and prod nasty comments out of them concerning the convicted husband, these people who were openly called trash throughout the testimony stood there and silently wept and said "Thank you."

The Hotel collapse: So there is a home video that looks like there is a person in a building right before it is demolished. I saw the video, and I cannot tell what i see, but I see something. My first reaction was that it looked like a ghost. Apparently the FBI who is investigating this video concedes that when enhanced and running, it looks like a person running, but when they stop and go frame by frame, there is nothing there... like I said.... ghost.....

Half way there....

So we are on day 15 of this NaBloPoMo journey, and so far we are successful.

Today landed us at the pediatrician's office. Through an unfortunate series of events, including asking my husband to make the appt and somehow we end up with the wrong doc, we discovered that both of our little pumpkins have tested positive for strep. Neither one of them had any symptoms other than runny noses and Ben having a large tonsil that was not bothering him. The bad news was we were trying to make it to see my grandparents for a thanksgiving visit this weekend, the good news, she gave them a shot so they would recover quickly. The bad news was THEY HAD TO GET A SHOT, the good news, we don't have to wrestle Max to the floor and force feed antibiotics for 10 days. The bad news was THEY HAD TO GET A SHOT and CRIED so hard they made me lose my mind and offer a trip to the store to get new toys just so they would forgive me, the good news, transformers aren't that expensive at Target. For the record... I do not have the transformer gene.... I do not have the boy gene that can figure out how to go from car to fighting robot to car again.

Root canal yesterday. It was a blessed welcome. I actually looked forward to the needles and drilling just to relieve the pain that kept me up the night before, trying to sleep in an upright position.

I am tired... the boys are tired..... I am going to go take a nap with my strep infected children.... conveniently I am on antibiotics for the root canal infection and Mike is on them for the other issues he was having, so we should all be good for awhile.

By the by.... the test scheduled for Mike today was cancelled. Other tests revealed he had a bug and the medicine seemed to clear it up well. The MD did suggest that he felt there was a chronic condition that he has probably had his entire life that was agitated by this bug, but since Mike has managed to control it and it does not interfere with quality of life issues, the MD just doesn't want to label him with a disease and start him on a series of drugs that he doesn't need just yet. He said, he can't say that we won't be down this road again, but for now, let's just let it be.

A whole hand.....

My sweet baby bubalah, Max,

Please do not mind mommy silently weeping and breathing into a paper bag over here in the corner. It may appear as though she is having a panic attack at the thought of you turning "5" today, but the truth is, she is incredibly happy and proud of you.

I wish I had a long list of things to include here about how much you have changed and what a different person you have become, but you are and always will be my good ole Max. You notice everything, you remember everything, and you remind me of everything I have ever said right around the time I tend to be saying the opposite of what I originally said. You are not one to accept things the way they are, because according to you, everything can be challenged. There have been many a time when we have been caught in a game of wits, you challenging every statement I make, and I find myself uttering the age old phrase (that I swore I would never say to MY children), BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY!

You are officially left handed and this information is the 1st of many challenges you have had to face and overcome. This year you started pre-k, which is more structured and academic than you have ever experienced before. We hit some major walls in the beginning because you were having great difficulty taking what was being taught to you and translating that into your left handed reality. This combined with your ever increasing need for perfection, led to many crying nights sitting at the table working on your homework. You would get very frustrated with yourself because the letter or numbers were not perfect, so we began the first steps on the long life lesson of "It doesn't have to perfect every time, you just have to TRY every time".

Your teacher Mrs. Rosa, is one of your biggest fans. She has told us on many occasions that you are the creative story teller and engineer in her class. She said you have taught her more about "space ships" and "lasers" with your lego creations and stories of space adventures, than any child she has ever had. I know this to be true since our lego playtime is never a discovery of what we can make, but rather a carefully thought out and calculated approach to building the design in your head which I know you have been thinking about for days. One mis-placement of a red lego where a blue lego should be, has you shaking your head and telling me, " No, no, no, mommy.... not there.... THERE!!"



I am sitting on the fence as to whether or not you are going to grow up to be an engineer or a chef. You have evolved into quite a little Emeril, even requiring a towel to drape over your shoulder when cooking like daddy and that "cooker guy on TV" does. You have made scrambled eggs, toast, waffles, koolaid, soup, tuna fish... you even made your own birthday cake we are going to enjoy tonight. You have a great sense of combining things... little macaroni and cheese, little crouton crumbs, little ranch... poof... Macaroni and Cheese ala Max.



You and Ben.... oh my goodness.... you and Ben. Well.... you have created your own little world. It is a world that on very few rare occasions, Daddy and I have been invited to join, but mostly, it is a super secret special place for just the two of you. You have mastered the art of answering together in perfect unison (Boys? What are you doing?......Nothing...followed by uproarious giggles) You camp together in your tent in your room. You make up a game and Ben follows with complete abandon. Wrestling ends up in hugs and kisses, and even when you are mad at each other, in a blink of an eye, you have made up and moved on to the next game.



Oh my Max.... you have no idea how much I love your sweet adorable red head and each one of your little freckles that have started to pop up. You are gentleman who opens doors, you tell me I am beautiful when I walk into the room after getting ready, and follow it up with a wink and shot of the imaginary "gun" in your hand. You even comforted me when I was reading a book that made me cry, by coming in the room, sitting at my side and gently patted my leg, asking me to stop reading the book because you didn't like that book for making me sad. I say silent prayers every day that this magical bond we have lasts just one more day before you are too cool to be a mama's boy! I don;t ever want you to be a REAL mama's boy, but I hope that I still get a wink and a kiss when you are 30.

I love you, baby boy... I truly do.....Happy Birthday!!

Love,
Mommy

You should both be the good guys....

So last night, we were way off schedule and our bedtime ritual was severly suffering. After work we went to the store, and that pushed dinner time back which pushed bath time back... you get the drift. Well, on top of all this my tooth was throbbing, I am tired of having a throbbing tooth for 2 weeks, and I was losing my cool. As I was cleaning up the kitchen I broke on of my favorite plates, yelled at my husband to help clean it up, he came back with a swifter rather than a broom, which in my fragile state, REALLY PISSED ME OFF, and in the midst of the most ridiculous fight in our marriage, Max comes around the corner and peeks his head into the kitchen to see what the commotion was. Even though he was frustrated at me, Mike barked at Max to go get into bed. Well that pissed me off even more, so I yelled at Mike..." I am the one in the bad mood... I get to be the one in the bad mood!! I am the bad cop tonight and you have to be the good cop, DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON MAX!" My husband quickly adjusted, realizing I needed some alone time with my pissiness and broken plate, and went to get the boys into bed.

This morning, again, because bedtime was later, waking up was later, so we are trying to get out of the house in a hurry. Mike barked at Max to go get his socks and shoes. Max came into my bathroom:

Mommy can I talk to you?
Yes
Daddy was being mean to me...
I don't think daddy was being mean, he was asking you to get your shoes and socks.
But he yelled at me.
Well, honey, we get frustrated when you do not follow directions the first time we give them to you.
Yeah, but 'member last night, you told daddy he had to be the good guy and you were the bad one.
(Ouch.... it sounds so much different coming out of a 5 yr old's mouth)
Uhm, yes... but.....
Well.... I think you should both be the good guys......

I almost melted into a pool of pride and shame, but instead, I stopped the crazy chicken dance as we were trying to get ready, got daddy, and we all sat in the living room and made a deal that mommy and daddy would try harder to both be the good guys and Max promised he would try harder to follow directions the first time.

They are not perfect, but they are mine

I had a conversation recently with someone who accused me of being "such an easy parent about stuff like that...". This person was revealing how much anxiety they have about their child sometimes and I never seem to have that same angst. And I thought about that for awhile. Because in some ways this person was very true, I tend to not sweat the small stuff when it comes to my children, but that doesn't mean I am not just as nervous about being a good parent as others in my generation going through similar journeys.

Truth is, I know my children aren't perfect. I know your children aren't perfect. And guess what? I love them anyway. Every child has something: too whiny, too clingy, too aggressive, too shy, too outgoing, too whatever. Everyone has a "too". You just have to balance the "too". You have to forgive the fault and embrace the whole. Now I didn't say ignore the fault, I didn't say deny the fault, I said forgive and embrace. You got whatcha got when you got it.

I wish I could give all the mothers I know a great big break. I want to give them permission to be the most amazing women I know them to be rather than spending all their energy trying to be what they think they should be. I wish they had their children's eyes for just a brief moment so they could see and feel how much love their children have for them just for being who they are.

This is new territory ladies and gentlemen. No one has ever raised children with the history we have had and the culture that we have today. This is a new chapter in an old book. We cannot compare ourselves to our parents and we will never be able to judge our children, because the rules will change when it is their turn. This is our journey and our journey alone. There are no comparables. I am not saying that we are reinventing the wheel, but we are having to learn how to use these useful tools on our cars and on our roads.

Throb, sting, bolt....

I am sitting here trying to think of what to blog about, and I can't think because of the overwhelming pain in my tooth. It has been a constant throb for about a week and half. A throb that goes into my eyes, into my sinus, into my ear, down my jaw, and down my neck. I have been to the dentist. She advised me that I need a root canal but she couldn't do it because of the shape of the nerve, blah blah blah. Here are some antibiotics. Once you have completed them, then go get a root canal. You should start to feel better in a few days... that was 5 days ago..... she was wrong....

I'm going to take about 4 Advil and hit myself in the head with a frying pan to get some relief and a nap...

Google Images of me....

This may be a long one, so please hang in there. The game is to answer the questions by googling the answer in google image and posting one of the results:

1. Age on your next birthday:
2. Place you would like to visit:
3. Favorite place:
4. Favorite object:
5. Favorite food:
6. Favorite animal:
7. Favorite color:
8. Town you were born in:
9. Town you live:
10. Past pet:
11. Past love:
12. Best friend's nickname (2 for me):

13. Screen name or nickname:
14. First name:
15. Middle name:
16. Last name:
17. Bad habit:
18. First job:
19. Grandmother's name:
20. College Major:

OUCH!

Do you see that face? That face belongs to my adorable nephew Konner. He had a fight with the playground and the playground won.

Apparently he fell on the play ground, with not a lot of fanfare. Karen was out on Wednesday night, so her husband had picked him up from school and put them to bed long before she got home. He warned her about the fall and that he would probably have a good shiner the next morning...well......

...THAT sweet adorable face came down to my sister yesterday and then spent the day in the ER. They were concerned because the swelling was so bad that his nasal passage was blocked and the bones near his eye socket were broken. After many consults, everyone agreed, he is three and it will heal itself, no need to traumatize him with surgery, thank goodness!

I think she should schedule the family Christmas picture soon, whaddya you think!

HE IS HERE!!!!

My best friend, Tiff, is punctual if nothing......

I called my dear friend last night on the drive home from work to get an update on Baby Watch 2007. Nothing was going on. They were just wrapping up dinner at a resturaunt and were headed home.... misery in her voice she concedes, "I am probably going to be pregnant for 2 more weeks!" I head home, dinner with the family myself, and fall asleep while watching TV.

Then I get a call at 9:30 (my time) from a very perky Tiff and I am thinking they are heading to the hospital to have their baby..... no... she said... "honey... did you not get the texts, the pic? The baby is here... we are done!" I screamed, (waking up my children) HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE????? I just talked to you on my drive home from work and it was nothing!!

Well.... (in her time):

7ish, they get home from dinner sitting on the couch, ouch, that was a good contraction, I'm going to go take a shower... that will surely make all this stop.

7:45 ish, can't get out of the shower alone, contractions one on top of each other, her husband and her mom help her get out and dressed.

8:00 ish they rush to the hospital, go in the ER, rushed up to labor and delivery, she informs them she has to push.

No time for epidural!

9:10 Baby is here!!

Baby BOY!!

Born on his due date!! I laughed so hard when I realized it! This child is so Tiff...."Did the paperwork not say Nov 7th? Am I wrong? I am here on Nov. 7th!"

I am so very happy for them, I could just explode!

Forgive me, Ladies, for I have sinned.....

I come to the council of women (and yes I know there are a few men who wander here, too, but you guys are just going to laugh and tell me to get over it), to confess my sin... one of the cardinal sins in the "woman to woman sins", second only to dating an "ex".

So I am in the elevator by myself when a lovely young lady walks on. She pushes her floor and sighs dramatically followed with, "Oh I am so tired!" I sympathetically look towards her and reply, "I know..... I hear you.....when are you due? " She drops her head and smiles the most delicate smile, " I had the baby 6 weeks ago!"
At this point I am hoping that there really is a way to disapparate like in all those Harry Potter books, but I couldn't find a port key, so I was resgined to beg for forgiveness from this adorable young lady. I grab her, a total stranger to me, by the shoulders and look her dead in the eyes:
I AM SO SORRY!
No, don't be, I know I still look pregnant!
It doesn't matter... I AM SO SORRY!!
It's my own fault, I refuse to wear anything but my maternity clothes! (she was in one of those empire waist, boob basket, v-neck, top with excess fabric to allow
spread as the baby grows and I swear, she had a perfect round belly)
LISTEN! I am a plus size woman, and I have had 2 kids.... 9 months on... 9 months off!! I am so sorry.

We laughed together, smiled and went on our way.

He looks good

So my husband has not been feeling well for awhile, way over a month, I would say. It kind of escalated to a point where we couldn't ignore it anymore and we took him to the MD yesterday. I had made the appointment last week, hoping that the situation would correct itself in time to cancel the appointment, but no such luck.

The doctor was wonderful. He was so comfortable that we might as well have been talking over beers and trouble shooting the cares of the world. He was definitely attentive and staight forward, but his bedside manner was phenomenal. I have to say it is a rare thing in the medical industry to find a doctor who can comfort and care at the same time. So many times, the requirement to care for the patient requires the physician to remove themselves from the situation so much so that the patient is merely a collection of blood, tissue, and bones,and all they care about is how they connect and why they are not connecting properly this time. But not this doctor, so I am pleased, but I am digressing, so back to the point.

The appointment went as I thought it would: nice to meet you, what's been going on, let's schedule some tests. What I did not expect was to have my husband get off the scale and tell me he has lost over 20 lbs in 2 months with no dietary changes. I knew he had lost weight, but that amount was shocking to me. Mike thought my restricting his diet last week really worked, until I explained to him that weight loss like that is only normal for people who are trying to lose weight like that, not normal people who ate soup and waffles for 4 days!

I went to dinner with my friend, Allison, after the appointment, and she asked me how it was that I was so calm about this. Then this morning as I was talking to my mom, I asked her the same question, why am I so calm about this? Should I not be? And I realized that there is a great deal of shut down and denial right now. I have known there was a problem for years, but it has always managed to correct itself. I knew that eventually we would probably walk down this road, and "eventually" has arrived. Mike's familial history does not lend itself to marathons and granola trails, so I guess I am surprised a wake up call hasn't come sooner than this.

For the first time in a very long time, I am not sure if what I am feeling is a peace about the situation, or a chosen lock to a pandora's box that I am not prepared to open.

The Dancing Girl

So this has to be one of the craziest things I have seen in a while. It is called The Dancing Girl and it is a way to tell if you are left brained or right brained. I do not want to bias your experience, so click the link and go for yourself before reading the rest of my blog to tell you about my experience with it.

Go ahead... I will wait....

Here it is again for those of you who don't want to go back: The Dancing Girl


Anyhoo..... so I go to this and my husband just so happens to be sitting behind me, so he looks too. Immediately, we both say, she is heading clockwise. I had read the comments on another persons blog who said that she changed directions, so we watched for awhile. I commented to Mike, I could not possibly imagine how someone could perceive her as going anything but clockwise. In the other blog, someone mentioned that she read the description of what left brain and right brain meant and when she went back to focusing on the girl, she had changed directions. So I told him, do NOT look away, I am going to go read the text and then come back, you keep watching her.

So I read the description, and turned my attention back to the girl and she stopped, like a blip on the screen and started heading counter clockwise. I mentioned it to Mike..
Ahhhh... there it is.... she changed direction!!!
No she didn't she is still going clockwise.
No she isn't!! Her foot is clearly going the other way!!
Babe, I have been staring at her the whole time, and she hasn't changed direction!
(I turn around to look at him like he is crazy, and when I turn back to the screen, she is going clockwise again)
Oh my gosh... now she is back to closkwise!!
She has always been clockwise!!
No she hasn't, she changes!!

And at this point, I swear, the dancing girl mocked me and started swaying her foot back and forth in front of her like she couldn't decide which direction to turn. Almost like she was teasing me, "You are left brain, no, you are right brain, no you are left brain, just joking, right brain!!" I actually got a little dizzy. I looked away from the screen awhile, and then went back to her and again, she was a steady clockwise direction. Mike tried the trick where I watched and he read the description and came back, but she never changed for him. He even tried to change his perspective and he couldn't make her change.

Too freaking cool...

UPDATE:

Here is a link to an article that a friend sent me about this dancing chica . I still think it is is fun though!

"So what does the spinning dancer tell us? The whole test is more of an
optical illusion than anything else, according to Steven Novella, an
academic clinical neurologist at Yale University School of Medicine who
blogs on NeuroLogica. When our brains process visual images to make some
order or sense of the world, they have to make assumptions. The dancer
is just a two dimensional image switching back and forth, but ourbrains
process it as a three dimensional spinning object.

Depending on the assumptions made and visual cues picked up, your brain
can make the dancer spin either way. When my friend first sent the test
to me, I saw it go clockwise...then switch to counterclockwise as I was
staring at the screen. What this tells me about my personality and
mental abilities is hardly a no-brainer - the brain test connection to
our mental strengths and weaknesses is nonexistent."

I WILL find my house today

Do you hear that people???? I will find my house today!! I will do the laundry, fold it, and PUT IT AWAY! I will pick up the things that do not belong and put them were they do belong. I will clean my bathrooms and mop my floors! I might even dust!

Do you hear me?!?!?! I will.... as soon as I get off this computer.....

With 2 yr olds, pick your battles

Ben: Mommy... you do dis for me? (presenting me with a broken toy)
Mommy: Baby, it doesn't work, you broke it when you put the wrong ball in there.
Ben: No issss not
Mommy: Yes it is
Ben: No
Mommy: Yes
Ben: No
Mommy: Yes
Ben: No
Mommy: Yes
Ben: No
Mommy: Yes (Now I am just playing to see who will break first)
Ben: No
Mommy: Yes
Ben: No
Mommy: (Giving in) Do you see this ball... it will not come out, so the toy is broken
Ben: It will come out (struggles, trying to get ball out) HEY, Mommy, why you put dat ball in dere... now is broken!!!!

He walks off in a huff with broken toy....

The Grand Haul

So Halloween night I picked the kids up from school and headed home. They had that low frequency sugar/excitement buzz radiating about an inch off their skin. It was already dusk, and when we drove through a neighborhood, Max nearly flipped out when he saw kids out on the street, "Halloween, has already started!! Hurry mommy!!!" I assured him that there was plenty of time and that there would be plenty of candy for him and his brother. We pull into the drive way and I barely put the car into park before he has flown out of the car headed inside to get his candy bag. He is shaking and jumping with anticipation when I burst his proverbial bubble with the information that he has to eat dinner first. Heaven help the child who has to EAT something other than CANDY on Halloween. I inform him he must eat either a peanut butter and jelly or tuna fish sandwich..... in a panic he negotiates down to "just bread and butter" (toast). During this time, our first trick or treater arrives and he greets this young ninja ( a stanger to us ) with " I'm eating my dinner first, but then I get to come, too!"

I have to say Halloween night was not as big a hit at the new house as it was at the old house . I was very reserved with the first few trick or treaters, thinking I wouldn't have enough supplies to make it through the evening. When we only had a few by 8:00, the remaining trick or treaters were treated with handfuls of blow pops and tootsie rolls just to get it out of my house.

Then my little Darth Vader and Storm Trooper made it back with their haul. And apparenlty my neighbors were just as desperate to get the candy out of their house as I was, because the boys were dragging their bags. They had only gone around one block, and I think they thought they were just stopping to empty their bags and head out again, but it was late and I was not going to allow any more chocolate to enter my house. I was the evil wicked witch of motherhood when I only allowed them one piece of candy each before they had to head to the shower. After much crying and whining, we negotiated a shower in complete darkness with nothing but their glow stick necklaces, and well... who can turn down a shower in complete darkness with nothing but glow stick necklaces.

Now.... what to do with all the candy... we still have a bucket of candy from last year.....

NaBloPoMo... or 30 days of me.....

Because I am always one to accept a challenge, I decided to participate in NaBloPoMo this year. It is a blog challenge were all you have to do is post every day in the month of November. You got it people. 30 straight days of my random, hopefully insightful thoughts, dreams, wishes, issues, and angsts displayed here for all of you to read.

I was a little overwhelmed trying to think of what I was going to write today. Should I write about the kids? Maybe I should just bullet things I would like to write about over the next 30 days? And then I thought... get over yourself.... because this is for you.... this is not the New York Times or the Daily News... this is your storage bin for stories you want to remember, issues you want to get off your chest, things you need help processing to move on, or just random thoughts in your head that just need to get out.

I have to admit, part of this is very selfish because I am about to lose my daily source of communication and stress relief. Tiffanie, one of my oldest, dearest, and bestest friends in the world is about to have her 2nd bundle of joy any day now, which means our daily email conversations will cease until she returns from maternity leave. I have come to rely on the conversations as the only way to make it through the day, sometimes. Well since she has to go and be happy making her wonderful family even more wonderful, YOU PEOPLE are just going to have to hear me talk, whine, complain, gush, and emote... at least for the next 30 days.

I am also excited to see some favortie bloggers accepting the challenge as well, like this lovely lady at "The Most Wild Thing of All" and The Princess . I've missed reading up on everyones lives and I look forward to finding some new blogs to read in this process.

Now, come Dec 1st, I may not want to come anywhere near this blog... we will see.....