I hate getting old

So last night I went to ....



and had 2 of these....



that had basically no.....



And I still woke up with one of these.....



I hate getting old.

I like that feeling....

Okay... I promise I am not going to become one of those people that gets all passionate and crazy about something and does it and talks about it 24/7 - but it is very important for me to write and document in internet "stone" some things that are validating to this journey as a reminder to me for when I fall off the wagon in the future. Not like I am self prophecising that I am going to, but just in case, ya know ....

So.. Dear Self....

I like that feeling. I like that feeling of getting into the groove. I like that feeling, 3 seconds after you were just about to give up, when the real work kicks in, you hit the zone, and suddenly you realize, yes, in fact you can do this.

I like the feeling of getting sweat drenched - feeling those trickles of sweat run down through your hair line or down your back, giving you shivers because of the opposite sensation of your tense skin and the gentle roll of the sweat. I like being that aware of every muscle, hair and nerve ending.

I like having a plan. I work better when I have a plan. I get more done when I have a plan. A plan is different from lists or a goals I make those, too. But I am never as successful as when I make a plan - remember that.

My children are better "Max's" and "Ben's" when they are active and engaged. They are continuously creating endless amounts of energy in those little bodies and if they do not release it in all forms - physically, mentally, and emotionally - they explode like a liter of soda recently thrown around in a clothes dryer. They need to be challenged by the rock wall, the new lego toys, and conversations on how I expect them to act like classic gentlemen.

I am who I am and nothing can change that - and if I do not keep your foot in the pond of the greatest passion of my life - I start to dry up - and it shows in all aspects of my life. Since I began to form the soul that is me - not just the normal childhood milestones of development and education - but the things that made Becky, B-E-C-K-Y, theatre or some aspect of it has always been a great source of food for my soul. Being a spectator, or being a part of it - either way - but being a part of that give and take of art energy is crucial for me...period.

I am proud of me - I am proud of yesterday and I am excited about the plans for the upcoming tomorrows...remember that....

With all my love,
me

Nut 'n honey

I got nothing.....





No seriously... I gotta a lot.... but I am so tired that I can't believe I managed to get my pants on the right legs this morning, much less come up with something witty or thoughtful to write here today.

This weekend I am the THEATRE QUEEN - saw a great show last night, gonna see opening night of a dear friend's return to stage tonight, then heading to see another dear friend's show Saturday night.

I am still working out.

I am still being super wife and mom.

I am ti-red.

All I can say is thank God tomorrow is Saturday and thank God my kids can get their own breakfast and chill in front of the 'toons for awhile. Yeah... cause I am THAT kind of mom - don't judge.....

It's fun to stay at the .....

So I already mentioned this on Facebook - but I did not document it here. Last week we joined the Y. It is something that we have wanted to do for quite a while and without getting into all the excuses/issues, we didn't, but now we did, and I am glad.

There were many reasons I wanted to join. First - a selfish reason - clearly Biggest Loser was not going to be calling (for back story see here and here) and I was going to have to fight some demons on my own. This summer when I was working on the show, I was very active and happy. A month or so after the show closed,I noticed my heels were starting to hurt, I was sleeping on a heating pad for my back and my headaches were coming back.... well it doesn't take a genius to realize that action = healthy ... sedentary = pain.

A second reason for joining was that I wanted something the whole family could benefit from. I had thought about Curves for a long time because it seemed easy and safe, but I always hated the fact that I would be the only one benefiting from the money spent. Now - the boys have programs and play groups and Mike has his weights that he loves. It is just a win/win situation all around.

So... we joined... great.... now what. Well, I will tell you what. They have a great starting program there that I started immediately. It is a 12 week program were the trainers slowly introduce you to the gym. You meet with them 4 times and each time they assess and adjust your personal program. I love it. I love the fact that I am not bombarded with 40 machines all at the same time. I love that I am going to be held accountable to someone for 12 weeks.

So I meet with the trainer for the first time. Clearly I was motivated to start because I made the appointment during the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy without even realizing it. I get there and we sit down for 15 minutes and have a mini-therapy session. What are my goals, why hasn't it been successful in the past, and what plans can we come up with to make this time different. I like it.... good - therapy talk - AWESOME!!! When I sit down and write in on paper, I realize that in the past, all my plans get started really good but then fizzle out because I get bored. The other major issue I run into, is that I keep trying to make this my personal journey and by doing that, my family unconsciously becomes an obstacle. This time - when I come to have "my time" - they are are having their time. The first time I dropped the kids off in their zones, I had terrible feelings of guilt - until I picked them up and they didn't want to leave. Then the next day - "Mommy - when do we get to go to the YMCA again?" It was then that I realized - they love it as much as I do.

Back to the trainer session - okay - enough talk - time to hit the pavement - "Okay, Rebecca - let's get you started with a really great cardio program... let's start with 15 minutes on the elliptical!" (PANIC PANIC PANIC..... Dude.... REALLY?!?!?!? We are gonna START on the ELLIPTICAL?!?!?!? Isn't that something that we should work up to?!?!?! What the hell?! What the HELL?!?!??!).... of course none of this came out of my mouth ... "Sure, let's give it a try!"

Okay.... the devil created this machine right?



I get on and it takes a while for me to even get my coordination to find a groove. The trainer is standing there talking about the machine and how to check my heart rate and where we should be and yadda yadda... and in my brain I am thinking - don't gasp for air - that would be rude! So around the 6 minute mark - he looks at me and says, "Okay - I can see you have your headphones and your tunes, I'll let you get plugged in for a while and I will see you at 15 minutes!" Oh Dear God...... he really is gonna make me do this for 15 minutes..... Well, actually, somewhere between 8 and 9 minutes, a switch clicked in and my legs got the groove and I actually started to enjoy myself. And I did it... 15 minutes. We did other things and then I walked my jello legs and sweat drenched body to my car, took a hot shower at home and slept hard that night.

It has been nice. In 8 days I have worked out 7 times and lost 4 lbs. Now, those aren't Biggest Loser numbers - but they are my numbers and I am proud of those numbers. I haven't even adjusted my diet, because that is another mountain and we will take one mountain at a time. It will come very soon - but today - we focus on moving.

And dude.... if you people had told me that you get your very own TV at each station - I might have started this ages ago.... A little Oprah does wonders to help you forget about the searing leg muscle pain around minute 12.

5th Blog-o-versary

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of my very first blog. I know I have said this many times, but I cannot believe that I have stuck with this for 5 years. I haven't stuck with anything for 5 years. I am pretty certain this little imaginary space has kept my car from driving off the proverbial cliff more than once in the past few years. It has also helped to get out some creative energy when I have felt trapped in my self inflicted cave.

I have fallen slightly off the groove as I normaly do this time of year, so once again I am going to have an anniversary celebration and challenge myself to a month of blogging. That's right.... the whole month of October - a blog a day.....at least that's the plan.....

Where were you? (Re-Post)

I wrote this back in 2006. I re-post because this is one of those days that should never lose value in our history:



9-11 is to my generation what Kennedy's assasination was to my parent's generation. It's the "Where were you?" moment you are always interested in hearing from others. Here is mine:

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

I was living in New York. My husband and I had an apartment in Queens with a beautiful view of Manhattan. The morning of 09-11-2001 began as it usually did, My husband got up way before me and left for work and I got ready and headed to the street for my morning commute. I was standing at the bus stop, reading my book. Had I looked up, I would have seen the 1st plane hit the tower. I continued my commute from bus to subway. As I walked into my building at 35th and 7th, the security guard hollered after me as I entered the elevator:
"Did you hear?"
"No?"
"A plane clipped the World Trade center"
"Holy Shit!"
"Yeah, wierd, huh?"
"Yeah"
...and the elevator doors closed....
As I rode up to the 14th floor, I remember thinking a prop plane must have clipped the antenna on the top of the tower. Sucks to be that guy... he is going to be in a lot of shit for that one....
The doors opened again and I see our receptionist scrambling to answer phones, in between each ring and "Please hold" she yells at me... "You better call your family!"
Oh my God, something happened... one of my grandparents died... someone was in a car accident... my mind raced as I flew to my department which was still dark. No one had made it in yet and the message light on my phone was blinking red and the phones were ringing at every extension. I pick up my phone.
"This is Rebecca..."
"Are you okay... is Mike okay?!?!" my mother asked in a panicked voice.
"Yes, I am fine, what's going on? Are you guys okay?"
"Becky...didn't you hear?!?! Two planes hit the World Trade Center!"
"What?!?!"
At this point people have heard my voice in the office and are coming in screaming, "... there are more planes... they think one might hit the Empire State building!" (Which was 2 blocks away)
"Mom, I gotta go... I'm okay...I gotta get a hold of Mike... I will call you back."
I try calling Mike's cell but get a rapid busy signal which means there are no lines available.
"Isn't there a TV in here??"
"Uhm, yeah... over here..but it has shitty reception, we gotta move it to the window"
"They have shut down Manhattan... nothing in or out"
"I got it...I got it...."
Our entire office crowds around a small black and white screen for more information,
for what seems like forever, listening to commentary saying nothing but to stay put.
We all try to call out but nobody can get a line....
Damnit Damnit Damnit.... I gotta get a hold of Mike....
"Oh my God... they are jumping!"
Then suddenly... rumble, rumble, rumble.... the Tower 2 collapses.... inaudible gasps followed by shrieks and sobs....
My mind kept racing....
"There were people in those stairs... THERE WERE PEOPLE IN THOSE STAIRS TRYING TO GET OUT!!!"
Panic... pure panic as the streets fill with smoke and debris.... and it hits me... OH MY GOD... MIKE PICKS UP HIS TRUCK FROM DOWN THERE!!! He is trapped... he is trapped under all that debris.
I continuously speed dial and redial between my husbands cell and his work, praying for an available line.... I get through to his dispatch. They tell me they haven't gotten a hold of anyone because all the lines are busy, but he can assure me that Mike already got his truck and was uptown before the tower collapsed.
"Do you swear to me?!?!"
"Yes, ma'm... I assure you he is fine"
Rumble, rumble, rumble... tower one ... gone.... tumbling like blocks and sand.
I gotta get a hold of my family... dial/redial... mom cell...Karen cell...mom cell....Karen cell....
"Hello?"
"Hey it's me"
"Are you okay... are you okay?"
"I'm okay..."
We exchange "I was so scared" and "I was so worried" about a thousand times. Someone in my office realizes that I have gotten a line out.
"Can you have your sister call my parents and let them know I am okay?"
So my sister then uses her home phone to call my co-workers' familes and let them know we are okay.
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know... there is no way in or out of Manhattan. The subways/tunnels/bridges are closed. I guess we stay here until we are told we can leave."
"You can't get on the subway...what if they bomb it"
"I don't know... I don't know...."

Around 4 o'clock we hear they are letting people get out of Manhattan. I gather my things and head down the elevator. I took the eerie walk to the subway. There were no cars... not one. The streets were empty except for people, dust and debris. I got on the subway and exchanged "can you believe it" looks with total strangers on the train. As the 7 train came up from the river to its elevated above ground tracks in Queens, an entire train car of people crowd the windows facing West to view the empty hole with rising dust and smoke where the Twin Towers used to stand. The only words spoken were, "Oh my God...."

That night the only sound you could hear were the jet planes racing over head continuously. I remember asking Mike if it would be okay if we slept with the TV on that night. I needed to hear the TV in case an emergency broadcast signal came on for real.

The next day I became dizzy reading the scroll on the bottom of my TV. I was glued to every image played and re-played, every new theory, every new expert. I called our best friends, Todd and Allison.
"I can't watch anymore"
"Neither can I....let's go get a drink..."
We met them for dinner to escape the constant news on the TV, and walked into a resturaunt with TV's in every corner. As much as we wanted to escape it, it was comforting to have them on in case anything new came on.
Todd saw both planes hit.. he was a stock broker with a perfect view of the World Trade center from his window. When the second plane hit, he flew down his building and caught the last train out of Manhattan before the city was closed. He watched the towers fall from the platform of the Queensboro Bridge stop.

There was a great urgency to do something... to just head downtown and start pulling debris and helping with the search. It was very clear from the TV that unless you were a professional, you would be turned away. Late that night in the bar, the front doors opened up as two very dusty and very worn firefighters walk into the bar. There was a mad rush in the resturaunt to thank those two beaten men and fights to pay for anything they wanted. They humbly bowed their heads, shook off any praise and retreated to a corner for some space to clear their heads.

Thursday morning, we were told not to let the terrorist win... head back to work with our heads held high. I walk into my office, put my things down, and head to the bathroom.
WHOOP - WHOOP- WHOOP - WHOOP
The alarms go off.... I come out of the bathroom and look around at all my colleagues standing in the hallways looking at one another for someone to decide what to do. At this point the emergency exit opens from the outside as a security guard calmly but sternly asks us to leave the building.
"There has been a bomb threat at Penn Station" (which is across the street)
Panic...PANIC.... we head to the emergency exit stairs to crowd into the hundreds of people flowing down from floors above us.
Floor 14
Floor 13
Floor 12
(Oh my God this was what it was like for all those people)
Floor 11
(I realize a friend is having a panic attack and stumbling down the stairs in her heels)
"Take your shoes off"
"I can't"
"Hold on to me... we are going to get down the stairs... HOLD ON TO ME"
Floor 10
Floor 9
(We are not moving fast enough... dear God....dear God... please please)
Floor 8
Floor 7
Floor 6
(Will we know it when the bomb goes off? Will we feel it?)
Floor 5
Floor 4
Floor 3
Floor 2
Floor 1....
"Ladies... please head North towards Times Square... everyone...PLEASE HEAD NORTH!"

We follow their instructions and head North. As we are quickly moving in mass uptown, we are hit with a crowd of people heading downtown. After pushing and struggling to get further uptown, I stop and ask someone where they are coming from.
"There is a bomb threat at Times Square!"
"There was a bomb threat at Penn Station!"
I turn to a cabbie sitting in his car parked on the side and ask him what is going on and he informs us there are bomb threats everywhere... Penn Station, Times Square, Grand Central, you name it.

I find a large group of my co-workers and explain what I have been just told. My boss turns to us and says, "Ladies... that's it... go home and don't return until all this settles down... nothing is that important and I won't jeopardize your lives until we know more." We all hugged and smiled and got teary eyed because we were all scared to death to get on the trains and head home. We couldn't get back into our office for safety and we surely weren't safe on the streets. I prayed every step down the stairs to the subway and every breath until I was safely off the train in Queens.

The events of those days will never leave me, but they cannot compare to the pain and anguish suffered by those directly affected by this tradgedy. I hate the fact that those events caused a predjudice in me causing me to stare at every Middle Eastern man who got on the subway with a long coat or back pack. I asked for forgiveness the moment the thought would cross my mind, but could never fully let my stare go....

Lean on Me....

So was that the President's address on healthcare reform last night or the national multi-network airing of "Lean On Me"? Did anyone else get the feeling like Congress High School was getting their ass whooped by the principal last night? All I could think of was Principal Joe Clark and his bat - "People - things are broken and they will be be fixed - come hell or high water, they will be fixed!" The Republicans sitting there with their looks and glares like the slacker kids that have no ground to stand on (remember - the ones being thrown out in the beginning if the movie?) Hollarin' out, acting all cool, when the truth is... everybody knows better.
Once again, as an adult I was appalled, and as a lover of human nature and avid people watcher, I was fascinated!!!!! I was appalled that adults had sunk so low as to act like their teenage children and grandchildren in front of the most powerful person on the world - rolling their eyes, twittering on their cell phones, making faces. It was embarrassing.
Now I am not - let me repeat - I am NOT sitting here on some liberal high horse drinking kool aid and saying right wing politicians should all burn in hell - I think all politicians should burn in hell - I think the whole thing is one big game and the balance of power rests on a terribly thin hair stretched over a gully, being held by pieces of tape. One wrong move and that hair line balancing act comes tumbling to the valley of death, filled with the feeding frenzy of CNN, FOX, & MSNBC field reporters - not to mention religious zealot picketers, maniacal socialists, and every other extremist who "knows" their way in the only way.
I do not like politics. I do not like the game. But I am conscious that things have gone horribly wrong and are spiraling out of control like the tornadic swirl of water from the bath tub goes down the drain. Well folks, there are parts of our society that are quickly going down the drain. And I honestly - HONESTLY BELIEVE - that President Obama wants to stop that. I truly believe that in the core of his being he is recognizing that things are wrong and someone has to stand up and say - STOP! I am not saying all his ideas are right or wrong... I am not saying any one's ideas are right or wrong. I am begging, pleading for reason.
The LEFT / RIGHT.... YES / NO.... MY SIDE / YOUR SIDE crap has got to stop.

I am pissed.....

I am pissed and embarrassed at my country. I cannot believe that I am moved to angry tears over something so insanely ridiculous as the following topic.

Today I received the following letter in Max's folder:



I cannot believe that we have come to a point in our society that we cannot agree to disagree. I cannot believe that we have come to a point in our society that we do not respect the office of the President of the United States of America regardless of our political affiliations. I cannot believe that we have come to a point in our society that we are CONSTANTLY COVERING EVERYONE'S ASSES with ridiculous letters and policies and "Plan B's" to accommodate closed minded bullying horse shit!! That's right... I said horse shit... because that is what this is.....

Tell me - PLEASE - how is this any different than any other President, First Lady, or any political official that has ever gone into a school, read a book to a group of kids and said "STAY IN SCHOOL!! Get a good education! Make a difference!" I'll tell you what's different....THIS president is utilizing modern technology to not just reach a class of 30 kids- but rather to reach 30 million kids!!!

There used to be a time that when the President spoke - everyone and everything stopped. You may have debated or disagreed with everything he said, but he spoke FIRST and we listened. I cannot believe that people would actually use their children as political pawns vowing to take their children out of school if they are "forced" to listen to the President speak - telling them to make the most of themselves. Since when did we decide that the best way to deal with differences is to stuff cotton in our ears, tape our eyes shut, and refuse to listen to all sides of everything before we make an opinion for ourselves.

Sad.... sad.... sad.....

Enough, people...... ENOUGH!!!!!!

For those of you who don't understand what I am ranting about here - this is a good article telling BOTH sides of the opinion - I read the whole thing - ya know - even the parts I disagreed with - because I am an open minded respectful adult.....

Really, people.... REALLY?!?!?!?!

Oh no.... no no no...
Brian Williams, tell me it ain't true.
Last night, I am taking a moment for myself prior to cooking dinner (okay so I heated up hot dogs - it still counts as cooking)... anyhoo... I am flipping through channels and settle on Brian Williams' adorable anchor face on NBC - looking crisp is in his finely pressed button down shirt and khakis - surrounded by soot from the LA fires - when he starts the lead in for the next segment - light bulbs. More specifically the debate on the incandescent vs fluorescent debate.



Well guess what people - Europe is hoarding the incandescent ones - buying hundreds at a time. Wanna know why? Because as of 2012 - they will be o-u-t-l-a-w-e-d!!! That's right - stores will no longer be able to sell those warm soft glowing lights that we have been using since light bulbs and electricity were invented!!! And ya wanna know something else?? In 2012 America will begin the phase out - transitioning all stores, manufacturers, etc to fluorescent only bulbs.



NOOOOOOOOO!!! I am sorry - I know we have bigger fish to fry in this country and I am well aware of the fact that these new bulbs are more efficient and the use of one bulb could save enough energy to power the sun, blah blah blah..... but .... well.....THEY ARE UGLY!!! They create an awful cold wet blanket of light on everything. They make the most lovely and inviting home look like an office with cubicles. If you have a wondrous vibrant full of life color painted on your walls, these bulbs turn it into that grey-filmed horribleness that looks remarkably like your walls need dusting or your house was once used as a prison institution.



I am not okay with this - I am just not okay with this. I understand the value of going green - just not going grey. Make a better product before you demand that it be the only thing I am allowed to use.

I know a lot of you are thinking, "Really, Becks? Aren't you being a little ridiculous about this?" Well - yes and no - this is kind of like the old Jiff vs. Peter Pan debate = for some people peanut butter is peanut butter - but for those who love the PB and all the magical creations you can make with it - the debate can turn into bloody warfare similar to the scenes in "Gangs of New York" (and for the record Jiff is best). I enjoy making my home pretty - I am enjoy making most things in my life pretty. I use a lot of time and energy getting things to be just right. My husband - following the green economically & environmentally efficient band wagon - bought these bulbs, replaced a few in our house and instantly everything looked different - and not for the better. I have a background in theatre and I value the use of up light, down light, color, tone, hue - and what the slightest tweek of one of these features can do to make something pop. The only think popping with these new bulbs is the glass as it is crushed under my feet.

So I will - for the first time in my life - become one of those people. The Elaine's of the world who buy up all the discontinued sponges and hoard them for "special occasions". The crazy people who stock pile things in their basement in the event dooms day really is around the corner.

Please don't take way my pretty warm light - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!

My First Walk Out

I have to say that I tend to be very passionate about things - passionate and some what polarizing. But I can also admit that in MOST cases I am able to at least see the side of the my opposing view. I am the queen of, "We are going to have to agree to disagree!" I love a good debate and have often found myself taking the opposite side of a debate just for the fun the debate - I like the challenge - I like to play Devil's advocate - I like to mix it up.

Well.... let's just say the show that I am in tends to lend itself to the opportunity of political unrest in the audience. There are moments in the show that clearly reflect the liberal views of it's author, but even as it clearly states how the ticket looked after she left the voting booth - it also pokes fun at the fact of how easy it was to drink the koolaid and get caught up in the religious zealous-ness the most recent political atmosphere. Everything is terribly light hearted - quite hilarious (as stated in reviews from the audience, not just my opinion)- and anyone who has ever seen Sesame Street or Saturday Night Live can see, WE ARE MAKING FUN OF OURSELVES!!!

... apparently not to the lovely couple sitting center stage (approx row 4 or 5) at last night's performance.....

We have had solemn faces with slight snickers before, we have even had crossed-armed scowlers sitting in the front row .... but last night was our first walk out. Like - they got up in the middle of the song, shaking their heads in disgust, stomping out of a packed uproarious laughter filled sold out house.

I have to tell you, I was shocked. At first I thought - that woman must REALLY have to pee to get up in the middle of THIS song, but then I realized she was being followed by a gentleman and she was clutching her purse in disgust. My frisky side wanted to meet them at the bottom of the stairs and pull them on stage to embarrass them, but my more conservative side didn't want to ruin the number for the rest of the audience.

Tragic .... truly tragic. I know that people are really upset right now, and we are just this side of a civil war over the health care reform issue - but come on. This isn't CNN - this isn't a Capitol Hill debate - it's theatre - and really funny theatre. If you can't put the bat down for an hour and half, you need to seek a Serotonin equalizer from your health care provider.....oh yeah - "Serotonin" is in our show, too.... have you come to see it yet?!?!

What to do ... what to do....

So I warned you people there was a great chance of radio silence here!! Between the regular craziness of work and family, and the new added fun of deciding to break my 10 year strike from the stage, life has been very full... VERY....
My days were going something like this... wake up at 6:00, get the kids to school, get myself to work.... work, work, work... drive 45 minutes home, pick up the kids, call my husband on the cell phone as I was heading around the corner so that he could catch the kids while I slowed down and threw them out of the car, he would throw me tennis shoes and a water bottle, and off I went to rehearsal.
As busy as life was, it was fabulous. It is amazing how even though your life looks outwardly chaotic, the old proverb seems to come true - the more you give, the more you get.
Well... life has settled. We opened the show a couple of weeks ago - to great reviews. I am currently on a 2 week mommy staycation. I have hopes to tackle an ever growing to do list, while at the same time getting some good quality mommy/munchkins time in.

All right people..... three years of AFLAC claims aren't going to get filed on their own.... and Ben is screaming something about Max making the TV in the TV room go black.... oh please do not be broken.... PLEASE DO NOT BE BROKEN!!

What is that smell?

So I get into the car yesterday and I am overwhelmed by ... well.... gag. Terrible, stinky, smelly, something has died in here awfulness. Now - I have suffered from trash car syndrome since - well, since I have had a car - and this terrible trait of leaving things in the car has passed from me on to my children. MOST of the time - we are taken over by paper - school papers, notices, receipts, crap from my purse that I really don't need, but shoved it into my purse until I am about to get out of the car and go somewhere, so I grab a big handful of the crap back out of the purse, lay it on my seat and say I will throw it away later. SOMETIMES there is the unfortunate incident of the left over fruit snacks that have fallen to the floor and have now become one with the carpet fibers, or when the kids were younger - the dreaded sippy cup of milk or formula that slipped out of toddler hands and rolled under the seat when I slammed on my breaks when that S-O-B cut me off!!!

Yesterday - the car was already heating up like an oven even though it was only 8 AM. The odiforousness of the mystery product was so overwhelming that I couldn't even focus on my morning sing-a-long with the radio. I pulled over for some gas, got the pump going, then took a deep gulp of air as I ducked my head into the back seat hunting for the menace. Papers, water bottles, hot wheels, broken sun glasses... trash, trash, trash, trash..... and there is was......

On Monday - two days prior - Max had a science experiment at Summer camp - they made "ice cream". They were supposed to put the creamy liquid in the freezer and enjoy it's cold vanilla goodness - not allow it to bake for 2 days in the 100+ degree oven that I call my car to become some cottage cheese gelatinous stinky goo.

It is here that I wish to thank the good people in quality control at Ziploc and the amazing teachers at his camp for using name brand baggies for this "experiment". Thankfully - his project was well sealed in his baggy and NONE got on my car seats. I finger tip to finger tip picked up the nastiness and threw it away at the gas station.

I drove to work with the windows down to air the car out.

Finding my inner hormones....

No this is not a TMI post I promise.....

So the show I am doing is an all original show. It has been produced for many years here in Houston and has a huge following. It is basically an autobiographical theatrical extravaganza around this really incredible woman named Tamarie Cooper. Every year is loosely based on some aspect of her life - this year - we focus on the impending birth of her first child and what effect this has on her brain.... yes ladies and gents ... through the power of theatre and meditation you are transported into her brain to meet and be entertained by all sorts of fun characters, endorphins, and memories.



Enter one of my characters (as we play many) - I am one of the hormones.
Imagine a combination of Greek Goddess, Medusa from Clash of the Titans and the Witches from Macbeth.



Now - as much as I love playing bipolar manic crazy people - this is the first time I get to play a SINGING bipolar manic crazy chemical!!! At Saturday's rehearsal - the musical director tells us that he is going to forward us the music and sheet music with a forewarning that we should probably start working on it that night as it is possibly going to kick our ass. Great. I get home that night and wait - pressing send/receive, send/receive over and over until my precious little package arrives in my email box. I launch the MP3 to hear an eerie haunting song that is usually played with the opening credits of an old scary movie - that sweeping shot across the cemetery in a low fog at night.
Then the melody line starts. REALLY?!?!?! Very tricky melodies and timing - not to mention a range that would kick a real singer's butt. At one point - my children came out of the game room and looked down over the stair railing to make sure it was just mommy rehearsing and not the dog dying a horrible death.

So the next day, I start our part of the rehearsal saying - okay - we have three options - we A.) change the key

B.) go with an Ursula from Little Mermaid type performance



or




C.) A Madeline Kahn "Oh sweet mystery of life at last I've found you" falsetto type performance from Young Frankenstein -

so - what are we gonna do?!?!?!

We ended up with a combination of the three - we brought it down a few steps, and decided that on the upper tiers - like, ya know when you read the sheet music, and the composer has to put TWO EXTRA LINES above the music bars because he wants you sing similar to whale/dolphin mating calls.... those parts will be done silly falsetto soprano.

I am giddy excited at the craziness.....it was either do this show or go into therapy, I think I chose wisely!!

A touch of OCD

I am currently suffering from a touch of OCD combined with a dollop of I just don't give a F%#@!
I need to vent.. let's vent, shall we?
So I am sitting here at my desk trying to work on something that I have had nothing to do with for the eight years I have been here. I have happily not taken any responsibility regarding this task and I have never even cared two s%$#ts about how it is done, why it is done, or how often it should be done. I have enough to do around here to worry about this and every time the topic has come up or the job needs to be re-assigned due to people leaving, I have managed to side skirt and two step my way in any direction but the one that leads to this task.
But guess what .... some big whig muckity muck wants to come "review" these charts and NOW guess who gets to review it FIRST!!! So I am sitting here - almost in tears due to frustration at how completely ridiculous and mishandled this STUPID LITTLE TASK has been. I cannot believe that something so DAMN easy has been screwed up SO ROYALLY!!! So here I sit - trying to decide whether or not to go with this poor system that is already set up and just make it "pretty" or chuck the whole thing and do it the right way.

....grrrrrrr........

Dear People,

There comes a time in one's life when you find yourself having an out of body experience - ya know the one where you wake up and realize that you are covered in blood holding the cylindrical tubey thingy from the drive up bank teller and you tell the officer, really sir - I have no idea what just happened - but after the third time the car in front of me sent the tube back, everything went black and now I am standing here.

Dear people -

I say this now as a form of therapy - or perhaps an intervention - so as to save someonelse's life and prevent me from spending the rest of my life behind bars.

• IF you choose to go to the drive up bank - BE PREPARED!!!!!! That lovely covered breezeway is not a parking zone for you rest in the shade while you lazily thumb through your paperwork and arrange and re-calculate your numbers.


• It is also NOT a place for you to go and ask questions, and send love notes back and forth and back and forth and back and forth..... if you don't have the required paper to sign your life away to the bank THEN GO INSIDE!!!!!!


• The Commercial lane is for COMMERCIAL BUSINESS!!! I know you lovely people in the 20 year old rusty clankers with the passenger with bare feet hanging out the window are not there turning in last night's cash receipts!! You are not so smart that you get to go into that lane before the line of 4 cars waiting the lane right next to it!!!


• The big black tubey thingy IS NOT A GIFT!! I cannot tell you how many times I have driven up behind someone who has driven off with the tube in the car. If you are that important or absent minded that you cannot remember to return the tube for the next customer - PARK YOUR CAR!!! You probably shouldn't be driving anyway.


• Though highly trained and responsible - BANK TELLERS ARE NOT YOUR PERSONAL ASSISTANTS OR ACCOUNTANTS - have your own pens, know your own account numbers, fill out your own papers, and do your own math - correctly.

Please, please, please.... I am begging you... drive up - send your s%$# - and leave.

Warmest Regards,

The apoplectic customer behind you who has no problem running you over with her car.

5...6...7....OUCH!!

Oh my dear sweet people - I have only been in 2 days of rehearsal and it has become horribly clear - momma just ain't what she used to wuz..... The show is great, the people wonderful - and I am uber excited to be apart of it - but it certainly has been many many years since I asked this body to run, kick, jazz hand and box step - over and over again. During the rehearsal itself - I was great - sweating and breathing hard, but okay. After the 1/2 hr drive home and trying to get out of my car - OUCH!!

I am stating this now: I am forever grateful for this opportunity falling in my lap. I needed it more than I could possible have ever known. And I am forever grateful to Kyle for recommending me and for Tamarie for giving me a chance - it truly is a honor. I take the time to state this now as I fear that, between work, family, and this much needed outside distraction, it could lead to great radio silence here - I hope not - but I might fall asleep on the keyboard trying to type in an update..... that or my jazz hands might cramp up and not allow me to type.

Fun side story - I was in the pool swimming with the kids and trying to explain to them why mommy was going to be gone a lot over the next few weeks. I said I was going to be working and then I thought - no - go ahead and tell them they will understand the concept of the play. So I say, mommy got a job as an actress again and she is going to be in a play - "Is it on TV?" - no - "Are we going to get to see it?" - uhm - we will have to see how that works out - "Does this mean we all get to move into a mansion?!?!?!"..... oh how I wish.......

Mark the Date

June 18, 2009

6:31 PM

Ring Ring....

Ring Ring.....

"Hi, You've reached, Micheal, Becky, Max & Ben - we can't come to the phone right now so please leave a message and we will get back to you!"

BEEP!!!

Maaaaaax......
Hiiiiiiiiiiii.......
This is Aliyah.....
See you at schooooool tomorrow.........

Max got his first call from a girl - he is six - heading into 1st grade.

Me: Uhm, Max?!? - Aliyah left you a message...
Max: Yeah, (Joe Cool) I gave her my number......

... and so it begins.......

LOST - the 1st Grade Summer School Episode

I have mentioned previously that Max was going to be going to summer school this year. The Dual Language Program that he is part of arranged for the English speaking students of the program to get funding to attend the Bilingual Summer School classes so that they can maintain Spanish fluency through the Summer and not lose any ground they have made during the school year. Sounds great - right? Well - Summer school is only from 8 until 12:00 - meaning - we needed something for the afternoon - enter - extended day program. Now - you would think that the extended day program would be at the same school - au contraire - THAT is at another school. ENTER transportation department - transportation department has agreed to take summer school kids from School "A" to School "B".

So - now we are weeks of emails into making sure that my precious red-headed Spanish speaking Russian prince makes it from his Dual Immersion Language program through the Bilingual Summer School onto a transportation bus arriving safely at an extended day program - ALL THE SAME DISTRICT - ALL WITHIN BLOCKS OF EACH OTHER!

Well.... Max gets home Monday and he (adorably over-exaggerated, I might add) throws his hands up in the air and and begins to tell me (in a breathy, staccato, elevated volume) how the bus driver did not take him to School "B" - "he just left me there!!! And we waited and waited and waited and there was no lunch and nothing!!!" (BIG dramatic sweep of the arms in the air!) Now - part of me wants to start laughing at his dramatic (well rehearsed) monologue and the other part of me wants to call the cops and file a report for child abandonment..... but alas - I get further information that the bus driver did NOT just leave them - rather, they sat on the bus "waiting for parents to show up". I reminded Max about the note behind his name badge (because I knew this was going to happen) and asked if he showed the bus driver and he said no - but "FINALLY" when the driver took him and 2 other students back to the main summer school campus, a teacher looked and saw it. So an hour and half later he was delivered to the right place and luckily extended day remembered to hold lunch for him.

I have to say, I was pissed. Especially since there were countless emails and phone calls between myself and the principal, dual language program coordinator, transportation, and the extended day program. Mike went into the school yesterday and gave them h-e-double hockey sticks asking if they were going to be able to coordinate this today and not lose his son. The principal came out and apologized over herself - though I know this was not her fault - it was transportation - nobody bothered to tell the bus driver of his new stop.

Moral of the story - other than being terribly excited to tell me all about his troubling day - Max was not scared or worried about the situation at all... he was pissed and irritated and hungry - but not scared... THAT'S MY BOY!!!

Really?!?!?

And for dessert .... 4 fireman and 2 paramedics served hot and fast with flashing lights.....


So last night we sit down to dinner, nothing exciting.... fresh frozen veggies over pasta - NO SESAME seeds ( which I have been tested for and I am allergic to). Mike leaves - takes the kids to get haircuts. I start to feel an allergic reaction coming on - the itchy tingly reaction and I think - great - here we go again - WTF?!?! So I grab the children's benadryl - because it is in liquid form - take 50 mg worth and start to try and distract myself from scratching my skin off. I head to the packages of everything that was made for dinner to read the ingredients and make sure there were NO SESAME seeds in any of it. I then decide to walk around the house and just do stuff - anything - just not scratch or panic. I am standing at my grandfather clock winding it up, when all of a sudden I get this incredibly hot flushed feeling and everything swells - a reaction I have never had before. I turn around and look in the mirror and see that I am red as a lobster and my eyes are swollen. I start for the phone to call Mike, but then think - if I pass out, Mike will not know what is going on - you need to shoot yourself with the epipen first. So I head to the bathroom - grab the pen - and by this time my mother has called me (for no reason whatsoever, just a coincidence). I put her on speaker and I am trying to read the pen, but my vision has gone blurry and my throat is closing - all I can hear is my mother repeating - shoot yourself and call 911 - shoot yourself and call 911- over and over and over.

I finally shoot myself- I don't feel a thing, so I am certain I did not do it right, I call 911. The next thing I know - 6 fireman/paramedics are in my home hooking me up to all sorts of things, giving me oxygen, yadda yadda. I am shaking like a leaf and I ask them what is wrong and one of them says,"Did you just shoot yourself with this?" and I said yes and he that is it. Mike comes rushing home to a fire truck and ambulance in the front yard. By this time the pen has started to work and the symptoms have started to plateau - so I refuse the ambulance and go to the ER with Mike.

The epipen - not feeling a thing - part .... well - once everything calmed down - I saw that needle is about an inch long and my leg/thigh was throbbing and bruised because I punched so hard - so clearly what ever was happening in my body had taken over and I did not feel the pain of the shot at all at the time. Max did his part to "heal" me - he noticed me looking at the boo boo on my leg in the mirror and said - "I know, I know - I am gonna get you a bandaid - is a Transformer alright?" further calming the situation and taking the script from his mommy he starts cooing - "Ooooooh, mommy - look - it's a bumble-bee one - you like bumble-bee transformer, don't you?!!"

So - I have made my 3rd trip to the ER - for food allergies - each time getting a little more exciting than the last. So for those of you that are around me - please note - if while we are eating I start swelling up like Martin Short in that horrible B movie where he gets stung by a bee - please go into my purse and stab me with my epipen - I give you my permission......apparently, I won't feel it.

Where oh where is Becky?

SOMEBODY BRING THE CRASH CART IN HERE!!!

Charging the paddles!!

CLEAR!!!

...nothing....

Charging again!!!

CLEAR!!!!

....thump thump..... thump thump.....

I think we have found her.......

Oh, people, people, people!! Where the hell have I been?? I guess the good news is that I have been no where near this brain sucking Internet - not even facebook. I am barely getting online to check emails every few days and due to that my in box is overflowed with Freecycle wants and offers. I did not realize it had been almost a MONTH since my last post until two little birdies left messages for me reminding me that people might still care about what is going on in my life.

Well - May has been full - parties, end of school year events, spending time cleaning the inside of my house so that I don't have to spend as much time taking care of it and I can spend more time outside in the pool where the children live now. It amazes me how the moment the pool "opens" in our back yard, my children think of nothing else - their eyes blink open, "Mommy, can we go swimming after school?" which leads to an after school trail of of shirts, shorts, underwear and socks from the door we enter to the back yard ..... I barely get food in them in between shower time and bed. This of course is a good thing.

Summer will not slow this family down at all. Max will continue school all summer - it is a program that has been set up to continue the Spanish lessons so he will not "lose" what he has learned all year. Max was excited at first because this meant that he got to go to school on no school days, but the closer is has gotten to the end of the year he keeps asking if it is really school - like does he have "learn stuff every day" school - and I try to skirt the topic by saying that it is more like camp - they will be doing fun stuff every day - boy do I hope they don't make a liar out of me!!

I will be dusting off the comic timing and looking for my dance shoes as I have agreed to be in a show that will rehearse the better part of July and run the better part of August. I was terribly excited when asked to do it and then the terror set in when I realized that I have not been on stage for ... oh ... over 10 years. It sounds terribly painful to say it, but life just takes over and the next thing you know it has passed you by. Anyhoo - I am looking forward to the opportunity - and I am really looking forward to working with the people involved. It will make my life very full all summer, but it will be great.

SO - once again - accept my apologies, dear Internet - I have turned a blind eye to you once again for far too long - I still owe you some long awaited stories and have acquired some new ones since then - and as this aged body attempts to remember some old tricks this summer, I am sure I will have many new stories, as well.

Happy Summer, my Peeps!!