Our First Family Trip to Walmart

I am never leaving my house again... at least not with my entire family.
So today we venture out for the first time as a family. The energy it took to remember everything that we might possibly need for a newborn and 2 yr old nearly killed us. Mike and I kept yelling across the house to each other, "Don't forget a change of clothes for Ben!" "Did you grab extra diapers for Max?" As soon as we are "ready" to leave Ben needs to be nursed. So I tell Mike to go ahead and pack up the car and get Max in his car seat, Ben and I will be right there. Of course this is the time Ben decides to treat his nursing time as a 5 course meal in an gourmet restaurant.
Okay, we are in the car...Mike and I realize we have forgotten all of our stuff, ie sunglasses, list for the store, but oh well.. we must make sacrifices. We get to the store which is packed. I have no idea why I thought that going to Walmart in the middle of the day the week before Christmas was going to be easy. Mike then poses the question, "one cart or two?" We opt for 2... we get 50 feet in the door when Max freaks out.... he wants in the cart with Baby Ben... no problem... we get to the toy section to get some last minute gifts, Mike and I get separated. Max is in the cart, Ben in his car seat. Ben gets the hiccups. I pick up Ben and try to burp/comfort with one hand and steer the cart with Max with the other down aisles full of carts of people trying to buy toys. At this point I am starting to lose my cool ( I think we are 10 minutes into our journey). I am trying to play a very delicate balance of not screaming out Mike's name and smiling and thanking all the strangers who keep stopping me to comment on how beautiful my children are. Now, I am truly grateful that total strangers feel the need to comment on how adorable my newborn is and how cute my 2 year old is, but my back is killing me, my incision is burning and my 2 year old desperately wants out to play with the spiderman truck thingys!!
I find Mike and inform him that, no.. we are not going to split up with 2 carts.. We will just have to make due with one. I tell him there is no time for dilly dallying.. we are on a mission and we are not going to be side tracked by end of the aisles impulse buy stands. Mike takes Max out of the cart.. a very bold move, but we have no choice. We get to the grocery section and things appear to be going smoothly, Ben has fallen asleep and is back in his car seat. Max is being mommy and daddy's helper by putting everything in the cart... he loves doing this and it wears him down running in between mommy and daddy. Next thing you know Max is lying on the floor in front of the cart...MAY DAY!!!MAY DAY!!! Max has discovered the toys that we were trying to hide under the cart! SO from the can veggies through the frozen food section, Max is desperately trying to stop the cart to play with the toys while we are desperately trying to distract him from laying spread eagle in front of the cart. We can no longer put him in the cart because we have filled it with paper towels and toilet paper!
We finally get to the checkout... the best and worst part of our journey... the best because we are almost done... the worst because there is absolutely nothing to do but stand in line behind 3 other carts and not move for 10-15 minutes... a favorite past time for all 2 year olds and their parents. This is when you realize that the people who put all the crap by the checkout stand truly are evil. "Max, put that down.. Max, you don't need it... Max.. I promise we are almost done" Ben starts to cry...Oh my God... we have been in Walmart for 2 hours and it is time for Ben to eat again...Max is crying from boredom...Ben is crying from hunger...Mommy is crying from nerves...Daddy is crying because we are spending way too much money...
We get home and I immediately put my PJ's back on. Mike changes Ben's diaper and settles Max in front of some cartoons. I nurse Ben while Mike puts everything away (Thank you, my love). We eat dinner and I fall asleep on the couch from total exhaustion...TOTAL EXHAUSTION FROM ONE TRIP TO WALMART!
Like I said... I am never leaving my house again.