Friday, December 17, 2004

When all else fails.. take a nap!

The dreaded PPD is here... postpartum depression.
I admit that I was one of those women who thought that PPD was just a bunch of crap. I never really had any problems with Max.. or at least I have great amnesia concerning these events. Enter child #2...
We have really been very fortunate that our adjustment to the new baby has gone very well.. no major bumps in the road. Yes, we have had our night time feedings and cranky moments but nothing that would cause our house of cards to come crumbling down. That was until Wednesday night.
Wednesday we were invited to our first "Feit Family Middle of the Night Party". Apparently, the invitation for Mike and myself was lost in the mail, but I understand the invitation went something like this:
To: Mommy, Daddy, Max & Ben
When: Wednesday night
Time: 3 AM - ???
Where: Mommy and Daddy's Bed
There will be a late night snack of milk for Max and Mama's moo juice for Ben during the 100th viewing of "Cow" ... or "Home on the Range" for those of you who do not know the language of Maxese.
Ben showed up early to the party, around midnight or so. I guess he was really excited about being invited to his 1st party and didn't want to miss anything. So from 12-3 we played the "nurse to sleep, lay in bassinet, scream bloody murder" game.
3 AM: Right on time... "knock, knock, knock" from Max's room (literally.. Max knocks when he wants out of his room because we keep his door shut during the night) Mike and I look at each other with pure panic. "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!"
Mike opens his door and here comes Max skipping in to our room like it was 9 am on a Saturday. Mike and I are in no position to fight this... we put the movie on, serve the refreshments, then arrange everyone in the bed between Mike and I so no one falls off the bed... except maybe us...
5 AM: Max has had enough and goes back to bed. Ben who has never been to a party doesn't know when it is time for the party to end. He then decides to play the "nurse, bassinet, bloody murder" game again until 7 or 8. At this point Grandma has taken over. She tells us that Ben's party finally ended with a huge gas bubble that exploded from every open space in that child's body. He then relaxed and fell into a very deep sleep.
Here is where the PPD sets in...after a good morning nap, Ben is still a little fussy and isn't sleeping much more than 30-45 minute stretches and usually attached to my breast. During these little stretches I am trying to "take care of things" which included picking up the house, attempting laundry, looking at our financial situation and trying to figure out how we are going to retire before we are 90... you know really important stuff that all mothers 1 week post delivery should be doing.
3:30 PM: Ben needs Mama's moo juice again... well he needs my breasts again. My breasts which are currently on fire from all the partying we have been doing over the past 12-14 hours. Suddenly I find myself launched into the "Look Who's Talking" scene where Kirstie Alley is dressed like a street bum and crying her eyes out because she is an aweful mother and her child has some weird baby disease.
I can't take it... I am sorry.. I chose poorly... I can't do this... I am so sorry Ben to drag you into this... I ... am ... so .....tired....
I calm down enough to snuggle Ben and I into the bed. I take very long deep breaths of my precious son's smell and eventually drift off to sleep.
I wake up to my 2nd Thursday of the day.. a much more pleasant, reasonable, manageable Thursday. I can breathe deeper. I can make better decisions... I can see clearly.
So.... when the world is crumbling, and you can't seem to find which direction is which... just have an emotional explosion and take a nap... things will be better when you wake up... err.. strike that...things will probably be exactly the same, but you will be able to handle it better!

1 comment:

Bekah said...

Hang in there...give yourself a break and take care of yourself! I remember one week where Audrey decided she would be up from 3am - 7am, at which time she would fall asleep and Sarah would wake... it was not fun, and I was NOT nice... but I survived and the kids did too!

Remind yourself that it's only been a week, and you are still recovering and adjusting. Take your time.

Hugs!
Bekah