Where oh where is Becky?

SOMEBODY BRING THE CRASH CART IN HERE!!!

Charging the paddles!!

CLEAR!!!

...nothing....

Charging again!!!

CLEAR!!!!

....thump thump..... thump thump.....

I think we have found her.......

Oh, people, people, people!! Where the hell have I been?? I guess the good news is that I have been no where near this brain sucking Internet - not even facebook. I am barely getting online to check emails every few days and due to that my in box is overflowed with Freecycle wants and offers. I did not realize it had been almost a MONTH since my last post until two little birdies left messages for me reminding me that people might still care about what is going on in my life.

Well - May has been full - parties, end of school year events, spending time cleaning the inside of my house so that I don't have to spend as much time taking care of it and I can spend more time outside in the pool where the children live now. It amazes me how the moment the pool "opens" in our back yard, my children think of nothing else - their eyes blink open, "Mommy, can we go swimming after school?" which leads to an after school trail of of shirts, shorts, underwear and socks from the door we enter to the back yard ..... I barely get food in them in between shower time and bed. This of course is a good thing.

Summer will not slow this family down at all. Max will continue school all summer - it is a program that has been set up to continue the Spanish lessons so he will not "lose" what he has learned all year. Max was excited at first because this meant that he got to go to school on no school days, but the closer is has gotten to the end of the year he keeps asking if it is really school - like does he have "learn stuff every day" school - and I try to skirt the topic by saying that it is more like camp - they will be doing fun stuff every day - boy do I hope they don't make a liar out of me!!

I will be dusting off the comic timing and looking for my dance shoes as I have agreed to be in a show that will rehearse the better part of July and run the better part of August. I was terribly excited when asked to do it and then the terror set in when I realized that I have not been on stage for ... oh ... over 10 years. It sounds terribly painful to say it, but life just takes over and the next thing you know it has passed you by. Anyhoo - I am looking forward to the opportunity - and I am really looking forward to working with the people involved. It will make my life very full all summer, but it will be great.

SO - once again - accept my apologies, dear Internet - I have turned a blind eye to you once again for far too long - I still owe you some long awaited stories and have acquired some new ones since then - and as this aged body attempts to remember some old tricks this summer, I am sure I will have many new stories, as well.

Happy Summer, my Peeps!!

This little piggy couldn't go to school, this little piggy couldn't go to market....

....and now the government is going to make all us little piggies go wee wee wee all the way to our semi quarantined homes! REALLY?!?!?! Okay, I am veto-ing the vote - I promise true love will prevail and you will hear that story soon, but I have to talk about more pressing issues - like wide spread media panic!!

I gotta talk about the Swine Flu - or the H1N1 strain for those of you on the Pork Appreciation Board of America who have lobbied for a name change in fear that God loving Republicans (like the first President Bush) will stop eating Pork rhines in fear that they might catch this pandemic flu from those crunchy salty treats. I have to admit - this is creating a field day for my schizo bi-polar hypochondriac inner child, but now this issue is invading into my much calmer, rational, logical mind.

I see the writing on the wall - schools are slowly starting to close. Official news conferences are being held with muckity mucks stating that school officials will not be penalized financially or otherwise for closing, the Vice President is saying that health officials are advising them that the best way to handle this is to restrict mass groupings such as the classroom setting, I am getting letters from my child's school stating they are keeping in close contact with local and federal officials for the best way to handle this with the safety of our children in mind. I get it... the kids are gonna get summer a little early and we working parents are gonna be more than screwed - because no school also means no childcare.

I am not trying to sound heartless here - I am trying to put this into perspective. This is a flu strain. This is a viral infection that leads to symptoms that are irritating and uncomfortable and TREATABLE. The unfortunate few in our society that would be compromised by this flu would also be compromised by any other strain: the elderly, small children, and the sick. Perhaps we should keep scary words like "pandemic" to situations that could actually wipe out the majority of the human population - not something that could up the sales of Tylenol, ibuprofen and thera-flu.

The media is going to kill us. They are going to drive us crazy and send us jumping off bridges and crashing our cars into each other. Here in Houston alone the media and "experts" had a million people stranded in their cars fleeing from a hurricane that never came, yet this week they had no clue that a storm would come over night and we woke up to 10"+ of rain and could not drive in our streets and thousands of peoples homes had their furniture floating in a foot of water. My point is, no amount of pretty graphics or scrolling snappy phrases can alter the facts. They have NO CLUE about MOST EVERYTHING. And rather than just say we don't know much, we are going to come up with some really great theme songs and incredibly bright colored interactive TV screens to make it look like we know more. Look... I can draw a squiggly line here.....to emphasize my point about nothing even more.

So here is what is probably is going to happen - more people than normal are going to get sick later in the season that when people usually get sick. It's going to suck - but then it will pass. Yes - people will die - it is sad - it is terrible, but it is a fact - not a pandemic, not a plague. If you get sick - get treatment. If you get sick - stay home - take care of yourself - get better.

And by the way ... I reserve the right to allow my hypochondriac inner child to go running through the streets squirting all of you with Germ-X and screaming "The End is Near!! The End is NEAR!!!"

Will you update already?!?!

So I get the sweetest most "loving" question from my sister today..."Will you update your blog already? What?! Do you think this thing is only for you or something?!?!"

Now admittedly, I have to say - I really do think no one comes here - even though the growing stat clicker thingy at the bottom of the web page tells me other wise ( Come on 40,000 hits!!!) and I often get terribly excited when people tell me things about my life that they read about on the blog.

So... thank you... thank you for caring.... thank you for coming... thank you for reading. I suppose if it was terribly boring or controversial or irritating you could just wander away to some other random blog, but you don't.... you come here... and for that I thank you.

So let's tease you about topics to talk about in the upcoming days/weeks/oh who knows, maybe months ...

Swine Flu - Yep - the Jews were right - The pigs really are going to kill us.

My Backyard Swamp Opus - or the story behind why home warranty people should be thrown off very tall bridges.

How Reality TV is going to ruin my REAL life - dealing with my obsession to people watch and how it could possibly lead to me getting arrested for confronting/question really stupid people.

Releasing My First Love - The story behind how my first fiancee FINALLY moved past our long engagement and is now marrying the most incredibly wonderful woman in the world...

I'll even let you vote... what do you want me to talk about? Do you have a topic you think I need to butcher?!?! BRING - IT - ON !!!

Come on you lurkers - you know who you are.... comment.... I DARE YOU!!!

A glance through the looking glass....

I have been silent and vague again and I am sorry, bloggy world. It is another one of those times that life has brought me to a buffet of challenges and as usual my plates, bowels and glasses all runneth over. Most things seem to be swimming aimlessly in swirls in my brain still - not even enough clarity to write out here - but there is one thing that would like to share:



Recently life has dealt a deck of cards that is well... sucky, for lack of a better poker term. Recently I have been given the opportunity to be a silent witness, secondary support in a family situation that is best dealt with extremely sensitive hands. During the process, I find myself almost back in my little girl shoes - "Be seen not heard. In this position - which for any of you who know me, knows it is incredibly difficult for me to keep my opinions to myself - I am given a rare opportunity to look through the looking glass at literally generations of patterns, habits, character traits - some good, some not so good, some down right amazing. I see myself in my mom, I see myself in my grandmother.

Because my grandparents lived several hours away - I had no day to day relationship with them - just short visits mostly around holiday weekends. Now that my grandmother lives in town, I am blessed with the opportunity to see the day to day grandma - not the polished in her holiday best grandma. I see habits and traits that we share even though 60 years separate us. I see speech patterns and story telling techniques - ways to tell the good parts and skim over the bad or not so attractive moments. I am amazed to see the "inner circle" communications - you know, the family talk and quiet whispers amongst the inner sanctum of your immediate family - followed by the instant "turning on" of the sparkle and shine persona when outside people enter the situation. I also see the wondrous trait of not being able to hide our instant like (or dislike for that matter) when it comes to meeting new people. I have always been known for my hugs - great full loving hugs whether we have known each other for years or minutes - the other day I almost cried when I realized this was not an original personality trait - nope - it came from my grandmother who passed it on to my mother who in turn passed it on to me. We had been at a physicians office for my grandmother - someone she had never met - and after an hour of visiting, a simple nice to meet you and handshake would just not do - nope - my 90 yr old grandmother pushed her walker aside to embrace the physician with as much love as if she was a member of our family.
It is so hard - so hard to witness forced change. It is so hard to stand in front of the imaginary judge and jury with two impossible options and choose - knowing neither plan "A" nor plan "B" is perfect or right, but rather the lesser of two evils.
It has been a few weeks since decisions have been made and things seem to be settling, but change and transitions are always hard. I choose to take the number one lesson I have learned from my grandmother and keep trucking along - keep your head up and keep moving forward.... oh, and always have your lipstick and rouge on when you do it...

Happy Birthday to me....

I've never felt so dumb...

...what the f*&^%% have I been doing with my time.....

The raining, the pouring, and oh.. the snoring...

So, uhm.. did I say something about blogging everyday for Lent - yeah... right.... next year....

Let's see.... I have had a migraine for about 10 days - what sucks about my migraines is that I have what I call functioning migraines - meaning, the throb is there constantly and I can function through my day - it just absolutely exhausts me and by the end of the day, the throb has become so mind blowing that I feel like someone has taken a shot gun to the back of my head. I went to the neurologist last week to talk about the fact that we have been playing with meds for almost 2 years and it seems that we are on a upward swing when it comes to frequency and duration again, so now we are back to tweaking and changes and ... oh... we will see... I just want them to go away.

Last Friday night I plan to try one of the new knock you on your ass medicines before bed in hopes that it will take the headache away by the next day. I tell my husband - let's go get something to eat, then I will take my medicine and call it a night. We decide on Chinese - now, recently I found out that I am allergic to sesame seeds, so I take great caution to make sure where I go has no sesame seeds or sesame seed oil. I have had Chinese since the new diagnosis with no problems. Fast forward to Friday... I walk in the door - do you cook with sesame seed oil? No, Ma'm - just vegetable oil - sesame seed oil is too expensive. Great. We are eating. CRAP... tingle tingle tingle - Excuse me? Are you sure you don't cook with sesame seed oil? No, we just season with it!...Michael - eat faster - scratch scratch scratch .... GREAT!! Now I have a migraine AND a severe allergic reaction!! Get home... I have not gotten to the full break out and I am totally chicken shitting out on the epi-pen - i am in the bathroom and I hit myself with the tester several times to psych myself out, and I notice the liquid benedryl for the kids. Call my mom - can't I just TRY the benedryl first and if it doesn't work THEN I will shoot myself?!?! She says yes - she is a nurse, so between that and the fact that she is my mommy, her word is just this side of the Bible. I double the dose and lay down... it was 6:30. I woke up 14 hours later. I do not remember anything. Apparently I stirred slightly, but Mike stayed beside me, checked my breathing, and kept my mother informed.

My phone died. I just got it and it was already out the door. The flip hinge decided it didn't want to work and I decided I wasn't going to be pro-active and deal with it in a timely manner, so when we finally did get around to it, it turned into a looks like drop damage, even though the break is on the inside of the phone and there is not a damn scratch anywhere on the outside of the phone. I just don't have the energy to be screaming at another person - currently screaming on a daily basis to the home warranty people about the pool (another post) - so I just dealt with my irritating phone. Well.... sometime in my comatose state early Saturday morning some little munchkin had something to do with the phone's final demise... the details have something to do with the counter top, shifting of things and the floor - all I know is my phone is now in 2 pieces. I tried getting a new one - no - why would we be so bold as to get the insurance? So I am using my sister's old one now - the face is broken, but it works - and it was free and I am too cheap to go get a new phone. Moral of the story - if you called or texted me recently - I probably did not get it, please hang up, redial, and try again.

I suddenly feel remarkably like Eeyore with all the complaining I have just done in this post.....Oh Bother.....

Mickey The Snake Pistone

Yeah, babies... thas right....up there is my new Facebook mafia name... scary ain't it?!?!

I have to admit... I have always had a secret fantasy to be in the movie mafia.. not the real mafia - I am way too chicken s@#% and up standing for that - but the movie mafia - hell yeah.... But I want to be IN the mafia - not one of the pretty unassuming trophy side line wives, who has "no idea" where the money comes from or where her husband is... I want to be the Bonnie to his Clyde. I want in on the action and I want to call out the hits....I wanna feel sorry for all the poor punks who dare cross the line I draw on the concrete. I appreciate the value of a catchy one liner and respect the need for a good &%&$# expletive for emphasis!

I could watch Godfather I and II over and over and over again. And I did... many many times with my father.. and it never gets old. It sucks, now that I have small children, that I do not have the freedom to stop my day to pay respect and homage to a great man-scream brought on by a bed full of horse blood. I cannot say that I have the same affection for III - it loses me - but I'll stick around and suffer through for the sake of Andy Garcia....

When I lived in New York - everyone was in the mafia - every dark Italian looking man was in the mafia. I loved to eat in Little Italy and a stroll down the street could easily turn into a family against family shoot out in my fantasy mind. I took my parents down there one time to eat at this fabulous hole in the wall next to the greatest bakery ever and we sat in a booth that had a picture of Al Pacino sitting where my dad was sitting - not a planned moment, just a fun coincidence. We had many shots of ... something - too much liquor to remember - mostly because the waiter just kept bringing them and since he spoke very little English, we thought it rude to refuse!

My other great "mafia" New York story happened one day after work. I was in Queens - waiting for my bus to my apartment. I was standing in front of 2 different store fronts when all of a sudden, LOTS of men in dark suits come streaming out of the doors to the separate stores and headed to their late model Cadillacs parked along the street. Funny thing is... even though they were coming out of separate doors - they were talking to each other and continuing conversations - like they had just come from a common area in the back of these different stores. They nodded their goodbyes an VA-MOOSE.. they were gone - I was on the phone with my mom and I said "HOLY S#%@!! I think I just saw the mafia!!"

But alas... this southern white chick is as far away from an Italian Mafia life as a Chicken Fried Steak smothered in cream gravy is from Chicken Parmigiana smothered in Mama's homemade Italian sauce that has been slow simmering on the stove all day....

But a girl can dream.....

My Yellow Brick Road

I think if I had to pick one catch phrase to sum up my journey in this life it would be that one referring to the path to a really hot place which is paved with only the best plans in mind... you know the one?!?!
My life seems to be a never ending yellow brick road. It starts off great. The plans are made, the bricks are laid evenly & shined to perfection. Then somewhere along the path, the lines get a little wonky, the spaces between the bricks get further and further apart and then next thing you know, the road has broken apart and you are asleep in a field of poppies.
I am not sure if this has to do with the fact that I am still trying to tackle projects way bigger than my britches can handle or because I am responsible for more britches than my own with two little red headed pumpkins dragging on my coat tails. Let's take this weekend for instance. I began several projects - very important timely projects for my family. Did any of them get completed?!?!? NO!
So here I am, Monday morning, another beginning to another week on this hamster wheel and I am frustrated because I am already behind on my to do list. The same to do list that recycles itself over and over again.....
I know better than to do this to myself. This is my OCD - Observant Creative Dramatic side taking over again!! Life continues to go on even if my projects are not complete. No one ASKED me to start those projects - no one else would have even noticed if I had not started those projects in the first place - BUT I DO!!
Note to self - there is no such thing as multi-tasking - just self destructive, project smashing, OCD manifesting opportunites for failure.... so stop it....uh huh, yeah... I sure will... I soon as I finish this one thing.....

He has it all figured out....

So it's Friday of Spring Break.... to my boys it has been a rough week. Mommy has taken advantage of the fact that Max is in an extended day Spring Break program and has worked long hours. SO to them - they have been at "school" ALL DAY - not just until 3:00 like regular.

Well, this morning, Ben (4) comes wandering into the bed (where I have not managed to get out of yet) and we have the following conversation:

Mommy - is today a no school day?
No - today we go to school.
NOOOOO!!
Yes.
Mommy - I don't want to go to school today.
I know - but today is the last school day before we get 2 no school days.
NOOOOOO!!! Mommy - I just want to stay home today!!!
I know - mommy does to, but mommy has to work, so that means you have to go to school.
You don't have to work!
Oh yes I do... we have to have money!
We don't need money.
Okay - well, if we don't have money, then we can't live here in our nice house with our nice pool and all your toys.
That's okay.
Really?!? And how about food? How will we buy food?
Uhm - we will just eat bananas and coconuts... Oh I KNOW!! (getting real excited with his plan) And then, we will have a BIG circle that we can run and run and run (referring to the island, I am thinking)and then if it starts to rain or if it gets too hot, we just walk into the trees in the forest and they will protect us. Yeah...(satisfied the plan is doable) I really like bananas....
Well.... that sounds wonderful - really it does - but right now mommy can't even afford the plane ticket or the boat we would need to get there!
OH!!!!!! (frustrated... thinks a few moments and changes tactics).... Mommy my tummy hurts - I CAN'T go to school today!!
Nice try - get your butt up and get dressed - we gotta go!!

Happy Birthday, Pookie Bear!

This is Kyle.
This is my old college roommate and amazing friend for the past 16 years.
This is the friend with whom I packed everything I owned and moved to New York City to "pursue the dream".
This is my late night drinking and smoking on the patio partner.
This is my fellow acting partner who over the years has played my husband, brother, and other hilarious characters... characters that were my greatest challenge to stay focused and not break down laughing with the audience.
This is the Will to my Grace.
This is the hardest "tell it like it is" mirror I own.
This is the man I hope to be the Biggest Loser with.
This is his vlog.

This is his Birthday.... Happy Birthday, Baby!!

Oh the pain.... the A-GO-NEEEEE!!!

Uhm, so it happened. It has happened before, but it was all in fun... adorable comments made under giggled breath.....

But not this time... this time was for REAL!!

I was dropping Max off at his Spring Break hangout yesterday. We opted to have him go to the extended day program through his school, rather then have him go to daycare with his baby brother. They had big plans and field trips and it was way cooler (and cheaper, for that matter!).

Well - he was a baby fish in a big kids pond. He was uber excited to be there, races ahead of me, heads to a play table to start off a day of FUN FUN FUN!! I wander in after him, sign him in and go to say goodbye......I lean down to kiss his cheek and get the iciest, coldest, grittiest through the teeth response I have ever heard come out of my precious 6 yr old angel's mouth:

STOP IT!!!

I realize he is embarrassed by me. ME?!?!?! HIS MOTHER?!?!?!

STAB!!! DAGGER!!! SLICE!!! RIP!!!!

Oh no... it has come - the "I'm too old and you are embarrassing me in front of the big kids" routine. Today I tried to get my goodbye kiss in the car - but apparently the big kids have a sixth sense and would KNOW that a mommy was trying to kiss on a little kid in the parking lot, therefore, once again I was denied!!

...he will come back... they always do... they always come back for snuggle time eventually.....

RIGHT?!?!?!??!

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

Okay... I loved this one too much not to share.....

What is the name of the Irishman in your backyard?

Patti O'Furniture!!

I found my lucky lepruchauns... here's wishing all of you a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow!!!

Kids say the darndest things

This was a facebook thing - but I thought I would share it here.... Max is 6 and Ben is 4:

1.What is something mom always says to you?
Max – Clean your Room!
Ben – Blow Your Nose

2. What makes mom happy?
Max – Because you love me
Ben – when I do good things

3. What makes mom sad?
Max – That I do naughty things
Ben - when I do sad things

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Max – Tickle me
Ben – by making funny faces

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Max – liked to play outside
Ben – She was doing good things and she got toys

6. How old is your mom?
Max - 33
Ben – 20-(he got on the floor and showed me all of his fingers and toes)

7. How tall is your mom?
Max – A lotta tall
Ben – a lotta tall

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Max – To go to China’s
Ben – Playing games and playing computer ganmes and playing clean up room games and playing clean the kitchen games

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Max – Play on the computer
Ben - Nothing

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Max – to be famous on a movie channel
Ben – ROCK STAR!!

11. What is your mom really good at?
Max - typewriting
Ben - Playing Ping Pong

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Max – I don’t know
Ben – Driving ships

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Max – Always work on the computer
Ben – You do work on your computer

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Max - Eggrolls
Ben - Sandwiches

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Max – because I like you
Ben - Eating all of your corn

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Max – Taz- the tazmanian devil
Ben – “Wilma” because she's real smart and stuff (from Scooby Doo)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Max – play on the computer
Ben – Look at the moon

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Max – our skin is both white
Ben – We have same faces & ears

19. How are you and your mom different?
Max – our hair is different,mine is red and your's isn’t
Ben – I don’t needs glasses and you wear glasses

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Max – Because you like my red hair
Ben – because I am a boy and I am a baby

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Max – go to the park
Ben – the movie theaters

Forgive me, Father....

.. For I hath turned my back on a promise!!

So yes... I did say I was going to blog every day for Lent and in the past few days I have been silent. It has been a combination of things... but mostly coming off of the high of last week's events has left me slightly exhausted and needing to re-group and spend some time in the real world, rather than the virutal one. I was gone from my house every day for a week preparing for the audition and working on the audition tape. This absence led to a messy house, piled up laundry, and clingy children. Even the dog would panic a little when I would pick up my keys or purse to put them away.

You see, I am a homebody. I enjoy being at home and being with my family and my family knows this. They know their needs and desires come first and so when I was gone, they all sat aimlessly at the door hoping I would re-enter it soon. And I did too. It was wonderful... amazing... getting my creative juices flowing again, but I am out of practice. I am not used to living on 4 hours of sleep a night for several nights in a row.

So.. this week, I crashed a little .. it got cold and rainy and the most fabulous place in the world was snuggly in my blanket spending time with all my boys.

But I am back....

And for the record... no I have not heard anything about the audition... and I do not expect to for along time if ever. I promise to share any news here, but for now, we are at peace that the seed is in the ground and hopefully it will grow. We will trust in the process. If it is meant to be.. it will be.

A Belated Happy Birthday!

And in all this craziness, yesterday we celebrated the 41st birthday of my beloved husband and father of the greatest gifts ever given to me. Yesterday Mike passes over the 40's threshold and is now officially rolling down that hill.

This is the second year in a row where my precious husband's birthday has been stiffed on!! Last year we had a big Over the Hill party that had to be cancelled at the last minute because the stomach flu cast a plague upon our house. This year - well, see all the posts below.

The boys and I did manage to bake and decorate his cake. They helped with everything from picking the cake and the theme (Wall-E "because that is Daddy's favorite movie") to making it, to making sure the sprinkles looked like the Earth and the star sprinkles went "all over like the night sky!"

I love you so much, honey. You are the most supportive and amazing man. No one rolls with the punches better than you!

I love you, Ta Ta....
Princess P

We bought a ticket....

A long time ago, my father (who passed away 5 years ago), told me this great joke/story about a man in need praying to God for help - this story has always stuck with me in my bones. I am sharing it with you here so that the clip and explanation below makes more sense so - please - indulge me:


Joe found himself in serious financial trouble. He was desperate he decided to pray to God for help. He begins to pray. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prayed."God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lottery night comes and Joe is still out of luck. Once again, he prayed."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good person and loyal to you and the church. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... I beg you...just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the clouds part and the heavens open up. Joe falls to his knees in awe, shielding his eyes from the light as God's voice booms "Meet me halfway on this, Joe. Buy a fucking ticket!"

Well - Last week I am in my car on the way home from working with Kyle on our audition DVD and I was a little anxious and tired and frustrated so I put my sure fire inspiration song on - "God is trying to tell you something" from the Color Purple. I am weeping with prayer and I literally start yelling over the music - HELP ME, GOD!! I am meeting you half way!! I am buying the ticket!! PLEASE!!!

Fast forward a day or so and I am on the phone with Tiffanie and we are talking about how deflated I already am - Allison had already chewed my ass out earlier for sounding down when I hadn't even gotten on the field to play yet. I told Tiff that I was just frustrated in my mind that we were working SO hard on all this and the idea of no one seeing it, the idea that we couldn't even get an interview, was just overwhelming. She said - you know honey it's like they say - you can't get an interview if you don't send your resume out - you gotta buy the ticket! I nearly crashed my car. Why did you just say that?!?! WHY WOULD YOU JUST SAY THAT?!?!?! Have I ever told you the story my dad told me (see above)...I can't believe you JUST SAID THAT... she smiled through the phone said I love you and hung up.
The next day - I have had about 4 hrs of sleep, and I hear the morning news announce the casting directors for the Biggest Loser on the next segment - the casting director is talking - bring your pic, fill out an application ... yadda yadda yadda... we expect 500-1000 people, be patient - YOU HAVE TO REALIZE - THIS IS LIKE A LOTTERY TICKET FOR A LUCKY FEW.....

That was it - I hear you God - God was trying to tell us something - he was telling me I heard you the other night, I bring it back to you in the form of your best friend and I confirm it with the casting director.

So - THAT is what we mean when Kyle and I talk about "We bought the ticket"- we showed up - we did our half and we hit it out of the park - the rest is out of our hands...

Here is the video version of the blog post I wrote earlier - I am the writer - Kyle is the vlogger, so this is from his website:

Biggest Loser Audition

I have been talking about this all week....it is pretty much all I can talk, think, dream about... and today was the big day.

And well.....WE ROCKED!!!!

I mean.. hit it out of the park rocked. God was on our side and the angels were singing above... we just rocked!!

So, we get there a little after 7:00 - 3 hours before it is supposed to start - and there are already 500 people in line. Immediately I think - oh great... how the hell are we gonna do THIS?!?!? How are WE going to stick out in this group?? We pull out our chairs, bring out the magazines, and tick tock tick tock wait for the hours to go by. People are bored and slightly panicky that they are not going to meet the "only the first 500 people" threshold, so you see people walking up and down the line counting and at one point someone passed us and we were #460ish.

At around 9:30, you start to hear some raucous way at the beginning of the line. A few minutes later, we realize the production staff is sweeping the crowds with their camera trying to get those typical open casting call shots of the people in line. They go past us - crowds cheering and yelling, yadda yadda. By this time the crowd has probably swelled closer to 1000. The crew is making their way back from the back of the line to the front and they are shouting to the crowd - "Does anybody know the names of the 1st 6 winners?" yadda yadda... and people are scrambling to remember all the names, Kyle is racing in his mind and fiddling with his phone, I quickly say somethng about calling someone who could google it...yadda yadda... then the casting director asks, "Does anyone know the theme song?" The next thing I know, Kyle drops his arms to his side and belts, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD?!?!?!?!" I am dumbfounded - I know the song, but I can't remember the words... then the casting director rushes Kyle with the camera!!! I am standing there, mouth open when it occurs to me - START SINGING WITH HIM DUMB ASS!!! So I start singing with all my heart, the casting director pulls us out of line and gives Kyle a VIP pass to move us to the front of the line!!! I swear I heard the Chariots of Fire Theme in my head as we raced to the front of the line!!! I was so excited that I gave up our chairs to the people waiting in line since they were going to need it more than us now!!



So here we are at the front of the line. We go in and sit at a table of 10 VIP auditioners who will be the first to go in. We fill out some paper work and a former cast member - Amber from Season 4 - comes to our table to pep talk us and give moral support and tell everyone the process. Kyle and I take this opportunity to completely dominate the conversation, take pictures with her - anything to be seen and remembered.



It is time for us to go in. They have us sitting at a long table with 10 places all facing one direction - imagine a panel seated in front of an audience. The casting director asks for us to put our applications, pictures, whatever, in front of us facing him so he can go down the line and talk with each of us individually - we will have 20-30 seconds - that's it. He starts down the line - all I can think of is make it quick -make it original. He gets to Kyle - now Kyle doesn't think he did very well, but I think he did great and I gotta tell you - I am not sure they needed to see much more than Kyle singing at the top of lungs in front of 1000 people. You could tell the casting director liked the way his application/pics and DVD was organized, so I think it went great. He moves on to me. My application/pics/DVD are the same as Kyle's so he really doesn't look at that too much, but rather looks right at me. I tell him my story about coming into this world at 11 lbs - being the largest baby born to the hospital at the time and how people would come to my mom's room to meet the woman who gave birth to the biggest baby - basically I was famous for being fat. The casting director smiles and says, are you serious? Yes - yes I am. I finish up with how in my job I see how the weight loss surgeries can have major complications and I do not want to have that as my only option. DONE.

The casting director moves down the line, and I see him fiddling with the applications. I think that he is just flipping papers as a nervous thing to do while people are talking, but I realize, it looks like he is trying to organize them in an order... well, if my theory is right - Kyle and I were on top. At one point - he was talking to another person and I caught him glancing down to my application, not the person who he was talking to...

We leave the audition - and since we were the first in, the waiting crowd cheered us as we left - once again - Kyle and I take this as an opportunity to be seen and we become the King and Queen of the Mardi Gras parade - waving to everyone, saying goodbye and wishing everyone else luck. I catch the Season 4 cast member's attention and thank her for talking with us and she throws her hands to us and says "I love you guys!! I hope to see you on TV!!" -- Yeah - us too!!!

So what we found out in the process here is that it appears they are casting both season 8 & 9 - season 8 looks like it will be singles - which means we may be split up and season 9 is couples which means we may not get cast until much later. Call backs will be in Houston within the next 3 days - but even if we do not get a call - they have the DVD and we plan to send the DVD to casting in LA anyway.

Kyle said as we were leaving - there is just nothing else we could have done... we showed up and gave it our all - if they don't want it then there is nothing more we could have done.

Even if we do not get a call - I cannot tell you how wonderful this experience has been - there is soooo much more that has come about around this experience that I will get into at a later time, but the most important thing is we did it. We made up our mind and we did it... we would never have had the chance if we didn't try!

Thank you Kyle - Thank you so much for doing this with me... you will never know how much it meant to me - truly. I love you!!

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong that I am previewing my Biggest Loser Audition Tape while eating ice cream?

You've got to REALLY want it....

So as you may have seen below - one of my very dear friends, Kyle, and I are auditioning for the biggest loser. I would like to share with you how we came to this decision in a later post, but right now I want to discuss that nagging, tired, evil feeling that crushes momentum. Those ridiculous obstacles that pop up like brick walls on the freeway when you are going 70 miles an hour.

Do you know that feeling?

I used to be a robot and smash through obstacles like that. I used to laugh at the idea of something slowing me down. Then somewhere along the line, I would get mad at the walls. HOW DARE YOU POP UP HERE?!?!? Don't you know who I AM??? Then when the walls wouldn't talk back or wouldn't move and I got too tired to smash through them. I would silently give up, turn on my blinker and take a side street to avoid confrontation.

Not this time, baby!! I will tell you, those pesky little details are slamming on my brakes, and while frustrated, Kyle and I are slowing down, re-grouping and powering on ahead - cameras not working, DVD's not formatted right, batteries dying, horrible anticipation of cattle call lines - nope - putting the blinders on and charging ahead.

In all my emails back and forth with him as we planned this I would start and end with the same phrase - I am still serious.... and I am ...serious.