Thursday, April 03, 2008

If only we could hit the lottery.....

Truth is.... I would love to have a gaggle of children. Okay, maybe not a gaggle, but certainly a third child and maybe even a fourth. What holds us back, you ask? The fact that our mortgage and our daycare are the same. The fact that I pay the equivalent of 3 car payments a month in child care.

I know that we cannot afford to have a large family and I know that we are not willing to sacrifice and live below our means in order for me to not work and stay at home with our children.

Where is this conversation coming from??? Well, for the very first time ever I am hearing the proverbial clock ticking. I have several people my age who have recently given birth, are about to give birth, or have one coming around the bend pretty soon. Mike just turned 40. I am turning 33. Do I really want to have a teenager at my 50th birthday party??

So I find myself walking down a road of "maybes" & "what ifs" and the thoughts and ideas of our expanding family get further and further away. Baby things that are in the attic are being placed on the garage sale list. I justify it in my mind by saying, even if we had another child, I would want a different/newer version of that thing anyway so why not sell it now..... it hurts less to say that. Because I cannot tell myself, there will be no more babies. I just cannot go there.

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